Behind the mask
by yume girl 91
Summary: I never thought that such deep love could ever turn to such hatred within the space of a heartbeat. Here, now. I am broken once more. UlquixOC & one-sided AizenxOC
1. Chapter 1 Beginning

A/N: don't own Bleach. Enjoy.

It is, when your commanding officer stares you in the eye and says 'it's been nice knowing you and oh hell I'm sorry for making that drunken pass on you at last year's cherry blossom festival.' That you know something's wrong. The next minute when you're wondering what comes next…some wise ass decides to let loose a lower class path of destruction spell and then you realize. Something is very WRONG.

At least I did.

Or I should have.

But you see a Visored like what I-was-am-merits nothing in the scheme of Soul society. To them I may have once been Captain Kyoraku's third seat. A well-respected and well-liked soul reaper but now all they could see was the monster inside of me. A monster that needed to be put out of its misery.

I didn't take their _pity _very well I'm afraid. I said things I shouldn't have, I wounded Lieutenant Ise when it seemed as though my fate were sealed. Captain Kyoraku calmly unsheathed his Zanpaku-to and came toward me. Outward he had the blandest expression on but his eyes pleaded with me to understand.

I'd like to say I tried.

I wish I could have stopped what came over me at the moment when he spoke the release command for his Zanpaku-to, "Katenkyokotsu." The single blade became two and I was trapped between them. "Enomoto-chan," the Captain met my eyes beneath the white mask with one final appeal, "don't make this any harder on yourself." His voice ended in a near whisper; the room became silent as all sound faded away.

I stood in blackness, alone, yet not alone.

"_Mistress_," taunted a cool slithery voice from behind my back.

I didn't have to turn to see the familiar smooth white mask similar to a drama theatres' sad-happy face but marred by a single black stripe running along the bridge of the nose. My own inner-Hollow, Kyo, I call him. Though, he constantly says that he doesn't have a name.

"_Mistress_," he said again, a deathly white hand curved around my waist, "_that man. Is going to kill you_."

"Captain Kyoraku is _not _'that man'. He is my Captain and…I trust him to make it painless," I whispered the last part. "Oh," Kyo said, a smirk evident in his tone, "_you DON'T want to live then_?"

"No."

The Hollow frowned.

I could tell with the violence I was thrust out of his inner world and his ominous words still ringing in my head.

"_Well…what if I do_?"

Captain Kyoraku hadn't moved an inch from when he first had caught me. Katenkyokotsu still had me ensnared, one wrong move and I'd be sliced apart no questions asked. I didn't ask anything, couldn't plead, couldn't warn, and only watched in a detached disembodied kind of way as 'my' hand suddenly struck out. My bare palm met the sharp edge of the Zanpaku-to; while 'my' other summoned my own sword, "_strike down your enemies, Shunten-Satsu_!"

My sword when released closely resembles a lighting bolt with a handle and guard. Kyo's version is much the same and unfortunately for eighth Company, he can wield it better than I can. "_Raijin Honoi Kazuchi_!" the words slipped out past my numb lips. Horrified, I saw the yellow tinted light crackle off the blade's uneven edge. Lieutenant Ise screamed, I witnessed the terror reflected in her wide eyes behind their glass frames.

She didn't know me.

She didn't recognize the person standing before her.

This woman of medium height, dark almost black hair spilling past her shoulders, face covered by a white Hollow mask that had slits for eyes, and her upraised sword dripping blood whether from her sliced palm or from another innocent victim, Nanao Ise didn't know.

Hell, I didn't even know myself.

Captain Kyoraku had his Zanpaku-to back in its normal state, a red stain discolored part of his pink overcoat, swiftly he shunpo-ed to the Lieutenant and grabbed her by the shoulders. Vaguely I read the movements of his mouth, 'the building is going to come down! We need to get out!'

Lieutenant Ise merely nodded; her gaze was still upon me. I felt my arm being drawn up again like Zeus hurling a lightning bolt down into the unsuspecting world. "Senmetsu…" I whispered. Kyo laughed manically. The roof crashed in, Captain Kyoraku barely escaped carrying a stunned Lieutenant Ise. I, whether from a twisted sense of self-preservation left the wreckage behind, traveling as fast as my meager Shunpo would allow.

"_Now, Mistress_," Kyo started as I rounded the corner at the top of Sokyoku hill, "_do you know 'where' to go after this? You did attack your commanding officers that had the order to kill you. So you very well can't go back_."

I glanced at the smoke rising from eighth Company's quarters and felt nothing. Empty. Hollow was the word, "I don't know," I said truthfully to my inner-Hollow, "there's no place that'll accept me for what I am."

Kyo became silent.

And I became aware of several dozen spiritual pressures varying from low to Captain strength approaching the wreckage of eighth Company.

"_Hueco Mundo_," Kyo interrupted suddenly.

I'd just been contemplating going back and giving myself up to the assembling soul reapers. "Hueco Mundo? Are you crazy? That's where all the…" I stopped.

"_Hollows live_," Kyo finished for me.

"But I'm not a…"

"_Yes dear. You are a Hollow. So start acting like one_."

~~~*~~~

Kyo knew how to open a Garganta portal to Hueco Mundo, I didn't. From Soul society I left to the world of the living via his help, my main preoccupation getting away from anybody who would recognize me and—oh yeah—have orders to kill on sight, no questions asked.

Briefly I thought of my parents living in the Rukongai; _would they mourn me_? _Mourn their only living daughter seemingly disappearing forever_? I paused, thinking of the grave mound and stone tablet bearing her name, eighth company would most likely erect a memorial tablet next to it, saying I'd died on patrol. I knew how they operated and how my change would be covered up.

Breathing in, I turned away from the white city and familiar memories of all it invoked.

~~~Hueco Mundo~~~

I had lived all of my undead life there in the Soul society, being one of the rare babies who were born in the districts or usually in the Noble families, and I was leaving it all behind. The sandy world that met my eyes devoid of emotions seemed not at all a miss from what I felt. The moon was out, trekking across a black sky with no stars shining, I set foot on the top of a high sand dune, my hand loose on the bag's strap hanging over my shoulder.

I stood for a second in the emptiness of the bleak world, and then swung my left foot over my right…suddenly feeling my body begin a disturbing downward slide. _What the hell_!? My back hit the wall of grainy white powder, tumbling head over heels. Dizzily I discovered peculiar dark shapes traversing the bottom of the dune and one in particular stopping my fall.

I slammed straight into a rock hard side, my head woozy and blackness beneath my lids. A groan split my lips, wetness sliding down my chin, I raised a hand wiping it and coming away sticky with red blood. I blinked, feeling also a little trickle dribbling near the corner of my eye. Reflexively I shut it, cupping my palm against my throbbing eye, I made the mistake of tilting my face back, the guttural mutterings surrounding me did nothing but further the panic overcoming my former calmness when I discovered just what had stopped my tumbling: a Hollow.

And not just any Hollow, but a blue-haired, tail-swishing large Adjucha.

Despite my acceptance of what I was…that did not mean I wasn't without _the old Soul reaper and a Hollow are enemies bit_. I screamed. Mindlessly and nearly blinded I scrambled forward onto the powdery sand, something touched my ankle and I kicked out, sill screaming. Kyo chuckled, enjoying my hysteria but not lifting a hand to fend off any of the others who seemed to have nothing better to do than circle me while growling.

My mask was useless, broken in half by my fall and still chunks of it remained on my right side. I dropped my hand from my bleeding eye and prepared to draw Shunten out. The Hollows whom had been advancing, now hesitated, staring at the entirety of my face. The blue-haired Adjucha who had stayed back, preferring to watch, hissed something that I didn't understand to a slimmer cohort.

"Arrancar."

Seconds later I found myself standing beside Kyo, a round framed mirror floating before us, reflected within it I saw them start to back off with me at the center, hand wrapped tight on Shunten's hilt. My eyes were closed, the drying blood making it seem as though I wore war paint in a single streak beneath one eye or…

"_That you were crying tears of blood_," Kyo read my thoughts, grinned.

I rolled my eyes, simply stepping back into my body. The Hollows had all but left, vanishing silently into Hueco Mundo's night. One remained however, I hadn't noticed him before among the others yet I suspected when I raised my gaze to his, that I'd just broken up a daily chomp-fest and perhaps this _thing_ was the unlucky course.

His small body made me think he wasn't an Adjucha like the others, more like…

"_A Vasto Lordes_." Kyo whispered softly.

My fingers, the nails flecked with red squeezed the bound hilt, ready to slide the sword out. I bit my lip, tasting acrid sweetness, automatically spitting it unladylike onto the sandy ground. The Hollow simply watched me, his slender fingers clutching the dirtied aqua blue cord tied in a knot around the teal sword scabbard at his side.

I sat still, my eye slowly drawn to the silver S-shaped guard, feeling a familiarity as if I'd seen it before…_but where_? Kyo was looking too, his mask suddenly changing to the sad version—more like—dismayed. I sensed his fear, tart and unpleasant rising in my chest, gripping my lungs in an iron fist so that I had a hard time breathing in.

"_Away_." Kyo said, his unreasonable terror beginning to infect my body like a hateful poison. I twitched, getting to my feet slowly, the Vasto Lordes shifted, his body tensing.

"_GET AWAY!!!!!!_"

I felt ice run through my veins, my head pounded with the force of Kyo's screech. The Vasto Lordes took a step toward me, and I turned, my feet flying over the tiny low dunes, adrenaline giving me a speed I'd never possessed. Once. Only once had I felt this…this indescribable horror that left my throat dry and my head throbbing—

--On a night so long ago.

_I stopped running, my breaths coming hard and fast from my mouth, my nostrils flared, burning with the force of my exertions. I'd run a long distance from the forest, the place where Thirteenth's survey team had been slaughtered, it occurred to me just then that I hadn't checked to see if any of them had still been living before my flight. Kosuke of course, I felt her reiatsu flare for a second, bright as a disconsolate candle flame in a draft then disappear just as quickly._

_I choked back a sob, my lips clamping shut. The grass of the field cut low and as I walked a few steps, muffling, my reiatsu suppressed tightly. Farther off in the distance I heard them yelling, bursts of energy lighting up the dense woodlands I'd left_; they were still after me.

_I felt for my communicator hooked in the loop at my waist, my fingers closing on empty air. I must've dropped it back there. Panic threatened to overtake me, but I fought it down, sensibly applying minute drops of healing Kido to my left shoulder, the knotted muscles loosening from the wound dealt to me by the Hollow. A whipping, faint cry rattled the trees faraway and I spun around, my eyes searching for the cause. Nothing._

_I breathed in, my head dropping to hang on my chest,_ afraid.

I was afraid.

Why?

_The light of the Kido faded, I'd done all I could for my useless shoulder; needles of pain prodded the nerve endings making me hiss softly. The power of the Gatotsu was incredible; pity Soul society had lost it forever. Nevertheless I had to get out of here, I had to get back to the Captain, and I had to tell them of what I saw…_

_A splotch of something wet struck my temple and trailed down the side of my face. I absently brushed the back of my hand across it, smearing sticky liquid over my cheek. I lifted my hand to my face, seeing beneath the weak moonlight, blood that I knew didn't belong to me. My eyes darted around, looking for the source, as with the cry it seemed to echo strangely as if from above me…_

_I twisted, my neck throbbing from seeming whiplash, a great black shape hovered in the sky, close_ _enough so that I glimpsed the rent in the wings and oozing blood drizzling onto the earth. It was __him_…_I reached for Shunten just as his lean body tilted downward, angling for a sharp dive_.

_My blade had withdrawn from the Shikai state so that the curved edge merely flashed dully before I thrust it singly and with every ounce of my strength upward into his chest cavity. We were close. So close to the point of where I could smell him, coppery blood mixed with wet earth and another scent…of mint. My nose tingled, my breath issuing in a soft cloud from my parched lips. _

_I expected something._

Blood gushing onto my clenched hands holding onto the hilt or a gasp of pain…but nothing. He was staring at me, his vivid eyes visible beneath his mask, his hand rose from his side to rest on mine. I didn't recoil from the contact though I longed to. Then slowly, my eyes drifted down from his face to witness the reason of his calm unfazed expression…

_Shunten's blade stuck straight through his empty chain of fate. _

_I'd thrust my last blow through his chest on the left_ _side; the material of his white jacket had torn, revealing my mistake. He wasn't wounded. I twitched then, tears springing up in the corners of my eyes; a ragged cry left my mouth. I was scared. Frightened. Terrified even, by the simple fact that I was about to die._

_His hand yanked out my blade, folding the metal easily. Shunten-Satsu snapped, in my head I heard her anguished cries, my own added to the cacophony resounding in my ears. I began to fall, my body crumpling downward to the ground; he caught me. The sharp bones in his fingers stabbing my arm through the sleeve of the Shihakusho, he lifted me up; I saw his mouth twist into a grin. The brush of wings against my back was imprisoning me so that I couldn't escape. _

_He meant to eat my soul._

_My numbed mind gave way to the unreasoning terror I'd refused to give in to before. My weak body struggled suddenly in his grasp, thrashing, my legs kicking, I yanked backward, landing heavily onto my back_. _I started crawling, my feet pushing and slipping on the grassy ground, my eyes fixated on his impassive face and didn't notice the other pale white hand that grabbed his wrist when he reached for me._

"Tsk, tsk. Didn't he tell you? This one's _mine_." _The smiling drama theatre mask leaned in over the other's shoulder, _"nice to meet the who gave me form, thank you, my dear."

~~~*~~~

Gatotsu: A sword move with three levels of accuracy.

One: a single calculated blow to the shoulder or arm to disable and stun the nerves into freezing, thereby incapacitating the attacker. This is what the Hollow imitated and used against Sakuya.

Two: the same except at a more strategic place on the body, locking half of one side of the body from moving.

Three: the deadliest that is struck to the heart or center of the chest, stopping blood flow to the heart, killing the receiver of it.

Gatotsu was Kosuke's signature move, unlike her younger sister, she wasn't as versed in Kenjutsu.

~~~To be continued~~~

A/N: sorry if it's a little confusing :( but that flashback scene will make sense later on.


	2. Chapter 2 Cracked mask

A/N: I'd advise rereading CH.1 as I added more to it. Enjoy.

Behind the mask chapter.2: Cracked Mask.

Arrancar.

I puzzled over the word; sure I'd heard it somewhere…but where? Kyo lightly blew on his nails, unsurprised to see me walk into his domain. "Kyooo—" I began, silencing when he waved me away.

"_Sorry, doll. I don't know anything much either_."

Shunten-Satsu's spirit form of a brilliant green Hummingbird, twittered angrily, "now, Kyo. You must know something! Sakuya's worried! So spill it!" An eyebrow rose, I'd never seen her feathers be so ruffled by Kyo's avoidance tactics before. Kyo shrugged, his suit rumpling a little along the narrow shoulders, his face changing to an upside down frown, which never meant good for me.

"_Well…it has to something to do with a broken or cracked mask. Somehow the way you looked to them—I don't know_!"

I ignored his whine, simply pulling out of my inner-world back to the desert of Hueco Mundo. I reached for my _returned_ sack of belongings, the taut canvas rough beneath my palms, taking each thing out in turn until at the very bottom I found what I was looking for.

A square book bound in a black cloth.

"_What's that_?" Kyo questioned, his curiosity driving him to summon a gold-framed mirror to look out upon the world through my eyes. I sniffed; shutting my healed left defiantly, "none of your damned business."

"_Well! Seems like someone rolled up on the wrong side of the sand today_!"

"Shut up!"

"_Whatever you say…Mistress_."

"Hmph. Bastard." I peeled away the first layer of fabric to reveal a beaten leather cover embossed with a large hell butterfly insignia. _Or was it just an insignia_? I ran my fingers over the jet-black wings, recognizing the thrill of Kido energy flowing through my hand, _a barrier seal_. Also known as a Kyo-mon. Luckily it was easy for me to break with a flick of my wrist.

"_That's a Soul society text book!!! Where did you get that from_?!"

"I didn't steal it, if that's what you're implying," I muttered a little testily. I began flipping through the pages documenting the history of the Hollows.

"_From the Academy! You stole it_!"

"I told you I didn't take it _that way_."

"_Meaning you stole it_."

He was so emphatic about my guilt that I just gave up; there would be no convincing him I wasn't a thief. Not exactly. "When I was still in the process of receiving my education," I said quietly, "Kosuke visited me, letting it slip about her interest in the Hollowfication of Soul reapers. I'd seen the book on the teacher's desk so I thought I'd take a look at it for her."

"_Ah. Kosuke-nee chan wanted it_," Kyo murmured to himself.

I didn't bother correcting his use of _sister_ since she was mine, not his. But I continued still in low tones, "they never suspected it was me. I hadn't really expected to keep it but later on it was just too difficult to get back to where it belonged. I left it with my parents in the Rukongai when I was appointed as Captain Kyoraku's third seat. Then after…what happened, I went and retrieved it from them."

Kyo nodded, "_they didn't suspect you because of what you are, a Shinketsu Soul reaper. A pure blood undiluted from the common Konpakus coming and going through there_."

I supposed what he said was true to some extent. Then, looking down at the yellowed sheets of thick parchment, I caught the word _Arrancar_. Eagerly I read the passage: _Many believe the Vasto Lordes to be the pinnacle of the Hollows stage of transformation, however, that is a falsehood in itself for there is one last height to reach. That which thins the veil between them and ourselves; the Arrancar, born of few and with human-like countenances; almost none truly exist. Their masks are broken, residing in pieces near their original placement, their strength is beyond all mortal comprehension, they are Gods among the most powerful._

They thought I was an Arrancar.

Kyo had been reading along with me, muttering to himself every once in a while, at my thoughts, he smiled unpleasantly. "_I suppose you might have seemed almost unearthly to those hicks_." He slashed his hand through the inner-darkness in my mind, creating an image of myself as I'd appeared to the group of Hollows. _Red dripped in a solitary stream from beneath one eye, painting my cheek with tears of blood, a jagged edge of Kyo's mask reposed on my right_ _side, creating the illusion I was smiling when my lips were compressed tightly in pain_. _If you included the fact that with Kyo inside me, my reiatsu was completely suppressed then there you'd have it_.

That Adjucha and his group really did think a Goddess among their kind had stumbled into them. I touched my cheek, not feeling the mask there. Only soft unmarked skin so unlike the region of my back and upper arms as they were marred with old scars dealt out by angry sparring partners when they couldn't beat me the way they'd bragged about.

But then again, I realized with a flicker of amusement, my bag had been returned to me by a fast moving blur, _too quick for me to make out, but I'd swear now that it had bowed_.

~~~To be continued~~~

A/N: :( a little too short but eh it's getting done. Anyway hadn't somebody suggested there be a sort of triangle between Grimmjow, Sakuya and Ulquiorra? :) Cheers until next time! Oh and can I persuade you to hit that little pretty purple button down there?


	3. Chapter 3 Spilled bits

Behind the mask CH.3: Spilled bits

*Flashback*

I evened my stroke, keeping my pulse steady and my eyes trained away from the blade of my sparring partner-a man of somewhat older years, of a stocky build that might induce more weight against my own-then, small frame. Feel the force gathering, focus your own momentum to counter it, my mind repeated, so determined was I of superiority with the sword.

Someone whistled sharply, commencing the match to begin. I fairly flew, my shoulders twisting around, swiftly I evaded a high swing, brining my own Shinai to rest against an unguarded side. Silence followed my win; surprise, I'm sure, not the least prevalent of the emotions in the fifth Company barracks.

"Bravo!" a female voice called from the open doorway, "if all third-year students from the academy were this talented—then we'd have more seated Graduates!"

"Good afternoon, third seat of ninth Company, Ichimura—or shall I already address you as—Lieutenant of fifth Company, Kosuke Ichimura, ma'am?" teased my beaten partner, himself being recently promoted to the fourth seated position in the Division, Hajime Asaoka.

Kosuke propped her hand on her hip, eyes a brilliant jade, eyes that I had seen harden to opaque slits or soften in tender kindness. Even now they rested upon me with pride, pride in my abilities. Narrow golden brown splashed across the green, hazel.

"Well that depends, I haven't—"

"Made the cut yet? She will—won't she, Captain?" Hajime turned to the impassive figure of a man leaning up against the back wall.

Captain Sosuke Aizen.

A flicker passed through the jade, hatred visible only for a fleeting moment, then, lightening. Her smile never wavered, as she walked by me, taking the Shinai from my grasp. "How do I measure up, Captain Aizen? Am I worthy of your company?" Kosuke's alto voice even, playing in the direct way she spoke to him that was how everyone else saw it; I didn't.

My Shinai was in her hand, the left being the primary she took for a stance. The wooden tapered tip was inches above the white Haori over his heart, a blatant threat. Yet when I read his expression anxiously, as he gazed upon us—her and me standing almost together, the same dark almost black hair, long on her, short on me, faces alike yet not…I glimpsed amusement…and mockery.

"That depends," he said, his mouth smiling but a coldness touching his eyes behind their glass frames, "on whether you're willing to _give up_—your tomboyish ways, my dear, Ichimura-san." Kosuke laughed shortly, her answer to him yet her gaze came to me, "I will. If you would leave _other things_ alone."

*End of flashback*

~~~Two months after last chapter~~~

My eyes flew open, lashes fluttering against Kyo's mask. Four badly disguised reiatsus crept up from the cover of the crystallized trees bordering my camping spot in a narrow hillock. I reached in the darkness for the hilt of my Zanpaku-to. Slowly I got to my knees, the sand crunching beneath their clawed feet, told me how close they were. As the first approached the fore, I slashed diagonally upward, the blade of my sword morphing in a current of electric light.

The Hollow screamed in senseless panic, falling backward onto the sand, it scuttled crab-like away at my advance. The others stayed far away from me.

"Who are you?"

"D-R-Roy."

What ridiculous names these creatures give themselves, I thought.

"_Too true,"_ Kyo seconded.

'I wasn't talking to you!' I snapped, angrily shoving the vision of my inner-Hollow's grinning face from my conscious thoughts. "All right, D-Roy," I began reasonably, "just what the hell are you doing sneaking up on me?"

"G-G-Grimmjow ordered me to," was the response I got.

Grimmjow…huh?

"Why?" I asked simply, guessing his intelligence not very high. I was right as he started babbling incoherently, terrified as a familiar shape sauntered near from the cloak of impenetrable night. A ragged mane of teal ran down his large back, the skin cross-hatched with deep scars, claws hung curved and the tips pointed, sharpened for the kill. A great set of teeth revealed themselves to me as he grinned suddenly my way: "Grimmjow Jeagerjaques," he boomed.

It was the panther Adjucha.

He was waiting for me to introduce myself-?

"S-Sakuya Enomoto," I replied hesitantly.

"Sa-ku-ya, En-o-moto? Peculiar name, Soul reaper."

"Vizard," I corrected automatically, "and 'Sakuya' is spelled with the characters for (Yesterday)." Enomoto, I had no idea. Something—_En_ for the King of the underworld—_o_ to balance it out and _moto_ for strong…

" '_Kyo' of course, is for (mirror)"_ my inner-Hollow interrupted.

'Uh huh.'

"_But we all know for whom the man I'm named for, don't we, Mistress-dear?"_

'I've no idea what you're talking about.'

"_Don't you? After all you named me. Kyo-raku, familiar…? Kyo_?"

'Be quiet and let me concentrate on dealing with your fellow Hollowites,' I meant his buddies, but I could tell he took offense.

"_Hollowites? My dear…I don't believe there's such a word. And for the record—I told you—I'm special_." He stuck his flat chin out at me. I shook my head; he got ruder by the day. If this was how Hollows regained their emotions then this was definitely a bad thing. Suddenly he stiffened, his senses and mine, picking up on a far wave of desolate energy. _I'd felt this before_…

Grimmjow and his merry Hollow band didn't pick up on it until it was too late.

"Ulquiorra!!!" he roared, my attention leaving Kyo to stare up at the high dune and the new figure standing solitary upon it. Black wings folded on his back, creating a monstrous silhouette of a demon…Vasto Lordes.

A prickle of tangible fear slithered along my spine, a remnant of Kyo, though my inner-Hollow stayed silent, watchful from inside my mind. "What the hell are you doing here?!" Grimmjow continued; the other three Hollows came toward us, forming a shield of sorts. D-Roy inched shyly in front of me evoking a barbed comment from Kyo, "_seems the little chit likes you_."

'Jealous much?'

"_Never_."

Pushing the stab of annoyance aside, I heard the crunch of gritted teeth and impatience emanating from Grimmjow when his query for the most part, unanswered. His furry knuckles cracked, his rising rage sending responsive thrills of adrenaline shooting throughout my veins. Was I reacting because of Kyo…?

Teal shot forward in a blur, with a speed I wouldn't countenance for his size, Grimmjow was charging up the slope, zeroing in on his prey. The Vasto Lordes shifted, his wings unfolded to explode in a blinding haze of blacker than night feathers.

"_Who art black as hell as dark as…night_," Kyo intoned solemnly.

_Shakespeare_…I thought, _but when did_…

"N-No! Grimm—" I broke off knowing he wouldn't listen to me. Why should he? Why should a Hollow like him trust a former Soul reaper like me? "_Simple_." Kyo read my mind, "_he'll have to trust that gut instinct of yours that saved you from a lot of grief in the past. Hmph. That hothead_."

I couldn't have agreed more.

Tearing past the Hollows, I ran up the dune after him, a swifter turn of footing allowed me to gain ground enough so that as I crested the top, the beam of Cero split the night toward me. "_Soryusen Ikazuchi!_" the brief intercession of my inner-Hollow saved me from being fried. The numbness of my hands receded as soon as it had come; the sideways blade of Shunten-Satsu glowed ethereally with the two snarling dragonheads of glistening light blossoming from the tip. Within their snapping jaws, a perfect sphere of green light rested: the Cero blast.

It wasn't my best attack, for it could hardly be termed as such.

But for the time being…

My dragons swallowed the reishii-laden charge, their forms dimming with the exertion of manifesting them. Shunten-Satsu wavered in my hand; the jagged edge gleamed blackly as if poisoned by the very atmosphere. Grimmjow stalked warily closer, his teal eyes flashing beneath the gaping holes of the mask. _He was afraid of me_…?

I wanted to tell him, warn him that the fight wasn't over yet. The Vasto Lordes still lived, immobile, watchful, his gaze rested on me, studious now as if contemplating the strength of one to accomplish what I had. In other words, not be fried to a crisp or let the entire tiny valley be annihilated with a single Cero blast from him. Which wasn't good, that meant that I had most likely made an enemy, and a powerful enemy at that.

"_You didn't stop to think about it, though did you_?" Kyo asked rhetorically.

'No. I didn't.'

"_That was foolish of you to throw yourself bodily before a massive doom blast when Soryusen Ikazuchi hasn't been practiced much. For all you knew that summoning could have backfired on you and you'd have been left with—"_

'I always have you, though. Self-preservationist that you are—I know you'd have done something to prevent my total annihilation.'

"_Uh huh. Always leave it to the one who's constantly reviled—MOVE!!!"_

I snapped out of my trance in time to see wings bearing down on me, pressure like that of compressed air touched my chest. Glancing for the source, five splayed claws, slender almost to the point of resembling digits lay against my beating heart. Light emanated from them.

Not Cero.

I felt it.

Different.

This wasn't a Doom blast.

Protruding from the front of my faded Shihakusho was a solid beam of a spear. White, yet crackly, the light fizzled between a bright yellow of a lightning flash and the sharp edges of a thunderbolt. A lance of lightning…how clichéd was that? The wielder of the ultimate Thunder/Lightning sword and I'd been outclassed by a Hollow. Grimmjow's intake of breath alerted me to his proximity.

"It was…nice meeting you, G-Grimmy," I couldn't for the life of me recall his full name. The panther Adjucha started. Shocked, I guess by my flippancy. The Vasto Lordes would not let him get any closer, a hoarse screech of warning issued from the demon's face. My vision began to fade, inwardly, Kyo, I felt, withdrawing. Making himself smaller, trying to burrow inside me instead of taking the opportunity presented to fully possess my body.

The searing heat from the lightning spear made my eyes water, hair curled together and lay damply on my neck. _Oh great; curls on top of everything else_. Arms curved along my back as I folded down, mercifully losing consciousness to whatever _he_ had planned for me.

~~~*~~~

I awoke with my chest feeling scalded, blinking in the dimness, a sharp cry left my dry mouth at the sight of a demonic face leering out at me from the gloom. I fell back, clutching with agony, the knitting flesh of my torso. Kyo had the ability to regenerate, why he hadn't done so immediately was anybodies guess. "What do you want from me?" I gritted my teeth, catching my lip with a breathless gasp and feeling disgustedly, blood seep from the torn skin.

Oh great, another injury to heal.

I inhaled, my eyes following his light steps across the wide space. His silence, I took for insolence. "Just what—what the Hell do you want from me?!" my voice rose a little higher, the pain easing. He stood against the wall, arms crossed over a narrow chest; a covering of dark fur lay like a slab over his abdomen. I didn't want to even venture to look below that.

"_You know you want to_," Kyo teased, entering my mindscape. The implicit suggestion brought a flush of shame to darken my cheeks. _He knew all my innermost thoughts…damn him_. Shunten-Satsu fluttered hurriedly into the garden—her primary worry, I was assuming being that Kyo's _pollution_ would wreak havoc again there. Her wings beat rapidly--in imitation of the Instant Heaven-Kill.

The Hollow moved then, drawing my attention away from the combatants of my inner world. Going to the shadowy corner, he came back with a chipped bowl of clear liquid. _Water_. Hesitantly I took it from him; aware constantly of his gaze on me as I lifted the rim to my lips, drank deeply after ascertaining it to be plain old water and then lowering it in my cupped hands.

"Thank you." My words seemed to hover in the air; politeness was a rare quality in Hueco Mundo. After a moment, he nodded in acceptance.

"_You just thanked that which had wounded you from the start_?!!" Kyo had to demand.

Barring his masked face from my mind, I rolled my eyes, the sensation unimpeded by his mask on my face. 'Yes, I did. Do you have a problem with that?'

"_Nope_."

'Well then what's the problem?'

"_There's no problem_." Kyo turned his back to me, stalking away into the darkness of my thoughts-where his realm lay, "_this mask is shut_."

I started to go after him, prepared to demand an explanation for his sudden acceptance of the Vasto Lordes before me—waitaminute!

Something touched my cheek, sending me scooting backwards into the wall. Damn Kyo always did this to me, distracting me with inane questions and then laughing at my retreat into our inner conversations since they almost always got me in trouble. The Hollow knelt in front of where I'd been laying, his-er-claw left my cheek and reached for the sizable rent in my clothing. The skin, he could see was thoroughly healed.

I blushed when he leaned in closer, determined it seemed to ascertain the fact that I was healed, better than any of those I'd seen, considering I probably didn't seem all that strong in his eyes. _Eyes_…in averting my face from staring straight on, a flicker of jade caught my attention. Behind the round holes of the mask, lay two perfect green orbs.

~~~*~~~

"_Seems like someone's infatuated_," Kyo remarked wisely.

The Hummingbird twittered grumpily, "_How can you tell, Kyo_?"

The Hollow scratched his nonexistent chin, pensively replying, "_She is. And better than that old fop of a superior officer-Kyoraku."_

"_How can you say that_?!" Shunten-Satsu declared in horrified tones, "_he's a-a_—"

"_A Hollow? Dear Satsu, believe me. He should know himself that she's untouchable. Beautiful. But untouchable_," Kyo mused thoughtfully.

~~~To be continued~~~

A/N: *Yawn* sleepy. Please review and I guess I'll try to update faster—I've planned out the next chappie already. :) Cheers.

Note: Soryusen Ikazuchi: Twin-Dragon lightning.


	4. Chapter 4 Sympathy for the devil

Behind the mask CH. 4: Sympathy for the _devil_.

"_Blame your own weakness_," Kyo dismissed my sour reminder to him of the little fact that I had been pierced by a lightning lance and-_oh yes_-had the minimalist of healing applied to my-our body while I'd been unconscious. He denied it vehemently, but I suspected he feared discovery of some kind from _Ulquiorra_.

Once I'd regained wakefulness, my inner-Hollow had proceeded to heal up my wounds, quite quickly I might add…

"_That's because the stronger you get_," Kyo as always, snooped in everything I thought of. Criticism plain in his tone, "—_the more power of regeneration you have. For instance—learn your bankai and I guarantee…you'll possess the ability to sprout new limbs if they're lost in battle, instantly. Hence, instant regeneration_."

I drowned out his voice, the pitch making him sound like a Huckster from the Rukongai. My eyes rose for a single glance ahead, _he_ sat there. Ulquiorra. I had exchanged names with him that night. Schiffer, he told me, served as a last name. _Sounds German_, Kyo had helpfully supplied then. I hadn't needed his bothersome running commentary to halt the way I'd been _thinking_.

Every night, it seemed, he came out here.

Alone, I assumed.

For with whom else?

Reaching the near pinnacle of power had brought him to this state. His race feared him; others despised him for the strength he wielded so easily, his released reiatsu, my inner-Hollow informed me later; could have crushed me if I'd been anything less than what I was.

_What…a Hollow hybrid?_

Maybe so

I swung my legs back and forth over the boulder's side, inches remained between my feet, clad in straw sandals, and the rocky plateau upon which, at the end of he rested, staring out into the bleak skyline of Hueco Mundo. The form of his wings cast murky shadow onto the ground, I stared at his back for a while, having nothing better to do; with my bag gone and only ragged shreds of my old clothing left, my Zanpaku-to thankfully Ulquiorra had the presence of thought to bring it along with me, the life I'd led in Soul society was fading fast.

I stretched, sliding from the hard perch; my brief movement dragged the skirt of the Yukata he'd tossed me upward, exposing a line of-_skinny thigh_.

"_Not good_." Kyo appeared suddenly, grinning maniacally, "_It would be a sexy gesture if you hadn't let yourself get this way—I told you a couple of_—"

'And I told you no. A couple of juicy Shriekers aren't going to fatten _me_ up.' I tugged the flimsy robe into place, figuring this once I'd walk to the edge and look out with him. See if I saw what he did. _An empty world_. A shadow passed near me, I raised my head to discover his nightly vigil over. He walked by me silently, close enough so that the lingering scent of…mint reached my nostrils.

~~~To be updated soon~~~

A/N: Not sure if everyone caught that last part. See CH.1 for clarification. Ahem. Shorter than usual but well it is going to be longer than the original six Chapters I'd planned. Oh well. Reviews are much appreciated and um…if I get them then I really will update that much faster! Cheers.


	5. Chapter 5 Regeneration

A/N: :p asthma acting up right now. Anyway, enjoy.

Behind the mask CH.5: Regeneration

I'm not sure what was the worst of it.

Being kept like the proverbial princess in the tower-_Vizard in a cave_-or my inner-Hollow's insistence that I master my bankai while–I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Fool I was, I went along with it.

Now I can't believe how fast it all can tumble down-within the passing of a day.

There lies the dead end.

~~~*~~~

"_Not fast enough_!" Kyo cried gleefully, watching me skate to the side, evading the snapping jaws of Soryusen Ikazuchi. I deftly switched hands to a guard position, my fingers tingling, recognizing the held power of my blade. "Raimei," I said, the pulse of energy increased, shuddering down the length of the jagged edge. It poured into the ground, cutting a swath of soundless dissonance through the transformed garden. Kyo's dragons reared back, sensing the signature crackle in the air.

Glowing eyes flared once more, their twisted bodies unraveling with the screech of the Thunderclap. Then they were gone. Curls of smoke rose from the evaporated reiatsu; Kyo sheathed his sword in the scabbard hanging at his hip. I hesitated to do the same.

'Are we done-?'

"_You don't see me getting ready for another attack, do you?"_

'No.' I passed my palm over sweating forehead, seeing the mindscape change to suit my own preferences. It was my inner-Hollow's idea that different climates and grounds would be better suited to enhance battle functionality. I'd leapt off rocks, building momentum to strengthen my swing, used echoes to scream Raimei. All in all my normal speed had increased but still…_he said it wasn't enough_.

_For what was coming_, he said.

_To be the strongest when it mattered._

_But I wasn't_, I'd reminded him.

_You will be_; was all he said.

~~~*~~~

As if.

I woke up with a headache pounding my temples and emptiness filling the cave when I bothered to look around. He was gone. _Stupid Hollow could have at least told me where he was going and not just disappeared like that. Idiot_. Running my fingers through my hair, I yawned, then walked to the opening, staring out at the bleak skyline.

"_Worried?"_

'Of course not.'

"_You are."_

'Am not,' I scanned the ground with more than a little nudge of worry influencing my actions. Nothing, not that I expected to glimpse him winging his way to me-to borrow a cornier phrase. Sighing I turned back, my palm against the rock wall when I felt it, a slight trembling beneath my feet.

"Whoa!" I stumbled, grazing my knees on the hard floor, "what—what was that?" I spoke aloud. Kyo answered me quietly, _"the residuals of a dying Hollow's reiatsu."_

It could have been anyone's, but somehow…I just knew.

"Who?"

"_Ulquiorra's."_

~~~*~~~

I ran, afraid of what I'd find at the end of the path my feet led me on. Kyo was silent, speaking once in a while to guide me when my bearings faltered. "Where?" I asked again, not bothering to disguise the worry lending an edge to my voice.

"_You're close. Just past here,"_ through my eyes and mind, he pointed ahead to an outcropping of boulders. Even from where I stood, I could feel the rapid pulse in the air of the Hollows reiatsus. More than one was at least the strength of a Captain and the rest seemed to hover about the same. Ulquiorra was still there, perhaps unconscious, but not devoured.

I guessed, not for much longer.

"Sakuya…"

'Hn?'

"_Answer me one thing before you go charging in there like D'Artagnan."_

'What?'

Kyo hesitated, then, said almost curiously, _"why?"_

Just that.

I laid my hand on my Zanpaku-to, remembering only at that moment that I'd failed to grab anything to eat and then wondering why I was thinking of such a trivial thought at a time like this. I briefly shook my head to clear it, feeling the momentary brush of a strand caught in the breeze flowing across my cheek.

"I don't know _why_," I said truthfully, "and I don't really give a damn right now." I Shunpo-ed above the scene below, above the heads of six humanoid-shaped Hollows surrounding one on the ground. "Maybe later I'll care—but for now…"

Heads turned up at the carrying sound of my voice.

"…I'm too busy. Annihilate on first strike," my fingers opened up, the blade falling, "Raimei." It became light in their eyes and magnified waves of screeching sound in their bodies. It ran through their veins, exploding muscles, shattering bone and gashing apart their flesh.

"Thunder clap," I said softly, hopping down from my perch to the broken bodies littering the ground, "an attack of pure sound." I walked past those disintegrating to the mangled form of my Vasto Lordes. His back was bent at an odd angle, the bones poking through the bloodied skin, charred in some places from Doom blasts.

"_Half his left side…"_ Kyo whispered.

"Is gone," I finished.

~~~*~~~

His wings crumpled at my touch, only the shallowest of breaths stirred his beaten chest letting me know at least for the time being he still lived. His sword and mine I gathered, strapping them by a piece of torn cloth to my back then sliding them forward to hang slung across my chest; _he would somehow have to be carried…_

I grunted beneath the extra weight, running along sand dunes that still bore the marks of clawed feet traversing the powdery white ground. My flat feet encased in ragged sandals pounded the edge, curved down the side and then up again. Farther away the cave came into my line of sight.

Just a little more…

I fell just inside the mouth of the cave, toppling backward onto him. A soft groan emitted from bloody lips had me scrambling to the side, looking eagerly into his face, "Ulquiorra?" His eyelids flickered beneath the broken chunk of mask exposing a strip of pale skin. I hesitated to do it, but gently reached out, tugging away the jagged ends. My other palm slid across his jaw line, taking the rest.

"Ulquiorra?" I said a little louder this time.

Hard jade eyes flickered open, their look glazy and confused, "Sa-Sakuya."

I let out breath I'd been holding, "I'm here." My eyes passed over the face that I'd never completely seen before, a tingling sensation starting up in my belly. "I'm here." I repeated, trying to shrug off unsuccessfully the fluttery feeling his unfocused gaze resting on me, was causing.

His eyes left mine and they closed tightly, suddenly, "it...it hurts…" his voice grew hoarse, "Sa-Sakuya—" I started at the almost pleading note. "It hurts…so badly. Please…please make it stop."

"I—I can't—I—Ulquiorra!?"

"_He's lost thorough consciousness. If something's not done, he'll never wake up." _Kyo said thoughtfully.

"I—what do I do?" frantically I began pacing, driving my nails into my palms to keep from screaming.

"_First of all, quit moving around. You're giving me and Satsu, head-rush."_

Accordingly I settled down, wiping my eyes distractedly where moistness wet the corners. _"Lay our sword and his together,"_ my inner-Hollow instructed, snapping irritably when I didn't move, _"think you can regenerate limbs by standing around? Now do it!" _

Regenerate limbs?

"Kyo…"

"_Just shut up and do as I tell you. I've said before only at Bankai level could you properly use instant regeneration. However…I was wrong. You're nearly there with the Raimei as it was—oh never mind." _My inner-Hollow nodded at my work, _"now kneel right beside him—good."_

I got down and stared at the bare silver blades gleaming together in the dimness. My head hurt and my mouth tasted like sawdust. I could see no way of me physically regrowing lost appendages so I saw no how of helping him to replace them either.

"Kyo, are you sure about—"

"_Press your lips to his."_

"Wha—!"

"_It creates a temporal bond."_

As if I knew what that meant. Rolling my eyes upward once, I crept forward, leaning across his chest, my lips puckered slightly.

"This is ridiculous!"

"Just do it!"

So I did. Kiss him in a way. In a weird, almost pleasurable way I enjoyed it. Liked feeling the soft press of my upper lip against his bottom one, brushing my tongue across the firm line and feeling his jaw relax allowing me entry if only for a moment.

"_I didn't!"_ Kyo declared horrified, after snooping once again in my thoughts and feeling the soft glow of _something strange_ enveloping his senses. Shunten-Satsu if I bothered to peek into my mindscape had the same flush and was lying languorously on a pile of green leaves.

They were both affected by my actions. Kyo to his horror had in fact through me, just kissed a male. "_I didn't say kiss him! I said touch your lips_—"

"That's the same as saying _kiss him_, idiot. What's next?"

My inner-Hollow sighed exasperatedly, _"Focus the flow of your reiatsu into your palm."_

"Like this?" I held my palm upwards, the tips of my fingers tingling.

"_Exactly. Now lay your hand above his shoulder right where his arm should be. Hold it there,"_ he ordered when my hand wavered, _"in time you should be able to pick up the residual of his energy. When that_ _happens channel it into the sword—do you feel it?"_

Beneath my fingertips, a tiny current ran, just the size and shape of Ulquiorra's arm. "Weird…" I muttered, my concentration slipping. Hurriedly I sought it again, straining to keep it within my grasp.

"How do I channel it? And into which sword?"

"_Into ours, of course. What you need to do is transmute his coarser energy into a lighter vibration. By channeling it through our Zanpaku-to and then letting it flow back into—"_

"—His sword. He would be able to regenerate and heal like me." I could see where Kyo was going with this. But one thing still bothered me. "Why are you doing this? Why are you helping him?"

"_I hardly think that requires an answer, Mistress. However let it suffice to say…I just don't know myself."_ He grinned the usual smiling-drama theatre grin, throwing my own words back at me. It wasn't worth it to argue, I know, not with him at least.

~~~*~~~

I could feel the difference now in his reiatsu. More closely did it resemble mine, just at a higher level. He hadn't regained consciousness despite my constant attempts at waking him. I sat back, my eyes closed, my sword sheathed, lay by my hip. Shunten had fallen into a deep drowse within my mindscape. Kyo had maintained a steady wakefulness, approving of my accomplishments; _his body was whole again_.

Near my folded legs, a peek of sinewy flesh held a curved claw, _his wings_.

"_You did good,"_ Kyo commented_, "for your first time."_

'Thanks,' I said stiffly, relaxing my drained senses. I eased my body down, resting my arms across my stomach. From the faint glow of illumination in the cave's mouth, I missed it, four shadows, from the chest of one, a beam of red light formed.

I didn't see it coming; it came so fast, the Doom blast rocking the walls and another crushing the roof. Point-blank, I should have died. As it was four feet away…my healing capabilities were severely strained…

~~~*~~~

AN: tired. Reviews are appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6 Beyond the dead end

Behind the mask CH.6: Beyond the dead end

It hurt more than I could bear, worse than anything I'd felt and never hoped to feel. It crushed me down beneath a weight of a million lances. My skin ripped from my nails, my bones twisted from joints filling my mouth with unendurable screams. In my head I was allowed to scream all I wanted, deafening myself with the echo.

When it was all over and I lay still, a sound reached me distantly, the sound of tiny plips drizzling onto a stone floor. My wrist twitched and they fell more steadily._ Was this what it felt like to die_? I tried clenching my hand and only felt sticky wetness where my fingers should have curled.

From my mouth a small inarticulate groan resounded deep within my throat…_had my vocal cords been crushed also_? I tried feeling with the cutting pressure of jagged rock resting below my jaw, with every slight movement it cut deeper until I halfway wrested my head back, exhaling noisily in hopes of easing the suffocating clinch on my lungs.

A moment later, Kyo's voice floated through my thoughts, _"shouldn't do that, doll."_

I hacked weakly, 'you could have told me that sooner!'

_"I tried. It's not my fault we're banged up so badly."_

My arm in splintered shreds bent at the elbow, the effort cost me much. I glared beneath my eyelids, 'if it's instant healing, how come it still hurts?'

_"Because you nearly died. As it is these wounds will take three minutes longer to seal and a while after that for the scars to fade. You should count yourself lucky—almost anybody else would be dead by now."_

'T—Thanks a lot,' it was getting easier to breathe, but I didn't dare wonder why or how my insides still felt like jelly. Then I remembered, 'where—where's Ulquiorra?'

_"Gone."_

'But how—'

_"How should I know? They took him alright—while one distracted you with the Doom cero, one of the others grabbed him. It seemed almost planned…"_ my inner-Hollow mused, _"like they knew where this place was, knew he was injured and your guard low…but I wonder."_

'Wonder? What?'

"_If maybe they were connected to the group that attacked him in the first place, found their comrades destroyed and arrived to find him complete with nary a scar to show for it. Perhaps they thought him stronger than he is_."

'But you said he was stronger then--'

"_If in a fight how would it be if one opponent could heal any injury received within seconds of being dealt it_?"

'I guess…' I hesitated, 'victory would be theirs.'

"_Exactly. So you Sakuya-dear, if in ever the situation of life or death where the sharpness of your blade is the edge between the two, remember one thing_."

'Which is?'

"_No matter who it is or how strong they are…you can win any battle_."

~*~

I didn't see how that was supposed to help. Considering his next words.

"_You should move_."

'Huh?' I felt the pressure of the rock above pressing into my shoulder blades.

"_MOVE NOW!!!!!!_"

I recoiled as much from his sudden sharp tone as well as the telltale CRK and rumbling resounding somewhere behind me. I twisted up and then to the side, instinctively ducking my head under my arms hearing the crash and fall of the blasted rock beside me. I heaved a heavy sigh with the whoosh of less stagnant air blowing across my cheeks. The collapse had been total. I was now out in Hueco Mundo.

"_Better than being trapped, I say_."

'Nobody asked you.'

"_What're we going to do now_?"

I got to my feet, snatching at my sword's battered hilt sticking up from a crevice in the sand. The scabbard was scratched but slid off easily in my hands. 'I'm not sure. I didn't really have a plan even before I came here. Things just happened.'

Kyo nodded pensively, "_so indecisive. So naïve. That's what has never changed in you_."

'Hey! How am I naïve—'

A scream shattered the air and my thoughts. '—That sounded like—' I stopped. One of Grimmjow's gang: D-Roy.

~Grimmjow's p.o.v~

We had been passing through a rocky gorge of white stone when they ambushed us, those motherfuckers. Seven of them there were against nearly our same number. That little shit D-Roy, not sure why I've kept 'im around all these years. Screamed like there was no tomorrow.

I was just about to holler at him to _shaddup_ when lo and behold…I see someone. A figure. A woman really, with ragged clothes hanging in barely concealing shreds from her slender frame and streaming dark hair flowing out like a cloud around a white-masked face. Suddenly she gave a wild shriek that made my hair stand on end. It was reminiscent of a Hollow's.

Sakuya? That weird Soul reaper/Vizard girl that…that…had saved…me?

Nah. It couldn't be. Ulquiorra had made her his dinner a while ago. Stupid motherfucker—on second thought…

"Sa-Sakuya?!" D-Roy cried. She sliced through a pair crossway, stepping back with her little hand flat against the width of the tang of her sword. "Raimei," she commanded, unleashing a wave of electrified light that filled the confines of the pass. It blinded us making it seem as though we were surrounded by a world of complete whiteness.

I mean Hueco Mundo is white, but _not_ that white!

"C'mon!" her voice came from near my arm, I felt her tug urgently on me. "We need to go!" Blindly I discerned the spike of her spirit pressure whereas it hadn't been registering in my senses before. The slow movements of the others following got me moving. From a distance behind us came the screech of the deceased ones comrades.

What in the hell…were we going to do?!

Sakuya led us up onto a higher plateau rounding out into a level circle indefensible on the three sides. Below with the power of her attack receding the fitful flashes allowed us a glimpse of multitudes of shapes encircling, rising. Trapping us.

This was hopeless.

"Annihilate—"

"No," I stopped her; she looked at me with peculiar frightened eyes through the holes in her mask. Her mouth frowned. "This isn't _your_ battle. Let us be."

"I refuse." Steadfastly she said her gaze fell past me, the corners of her eyes tightening. She saw something. "Stay back!" I darted aside as she dove past me, her sword meeting something and bouncing off with a sharp clang.

"Why I don't believe that has ever happened before," the voice of a man said quietly.

"Captain Ichimaru?!" Sakuya gasped as the man stepped forward from the hoards of Hollows. "Oh my…a woman." He was a Soul reaper of that I was sure. Silver bobbed hair capping a head containing narrow features and red eyes like slits, his mouth was the same as a long thin line that parted thoughtfully.

"Do I know you from somewhere? Your face seems…almost…how shall I say this? Recognizable?"

Sakuya glared, "never mind that. What are you doing here with these Hollows? You're a member of the Thirteen Court Guard Companies!"

I could tell from the darkening of his smile, that he didn't like the accusation.

"Pretty little girls shouldn't be asking questions. 'Specially little half-breeds."

Her grip as evinced by her white knuckles became taut, "how dare you…"

"Hmph. Dodge this then." His wrist flexed and the flash of silver lunged again. Sakuya followed suit, turning the flat surface of her blade sideways blocking the streak aiming for her face. The repulse shook her but she staved it off, grimacing as her feet slid back a space.

"Oh ho. Some skill I see. It's unheard of for Shinso to be repelled three times. Let's see how you manage this time!"

I could sense his seriousness behind the taunt. He meant to kill her with the next strike whether or not she was able to decrease or diminish the path of his hand. I couldn't let this happen_. It wasn't fair_.

"Stop." I got between then. "It's us you want, right?"

The Soul reaper lowered his weapon, "orders. Only acting on orders, ya know?"

Sakuya stared at me uncomprehendingly, "what the hell are you doing?"

_I could ask you the same question_, I thought. Then turning to him once more, I said, "we'll go with you but leave her out of this." Nakim gasped, "Grimmjow…"

I ignored him as well as her looks after us. Watching us submit and fall into line beside the others rounded up. I think this, but I'm not sure…I think she was crying. But why?

Her eyes then flickered to the Soul reaper's immobile form clothed in white, "where are you taking them?"

"Las Noches. Where they'll be turned into Arrancars."

Surprised, her mask changed to a slight lift of the thin painted mouth, she sheathed her sword, saying; "take me with you."

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I didn't know what to expect. Certainly not being laughed at. "You—?" Ichimaru said incredulously, attracting the attention of some of the Hollow guards on his side. They guffawed in unison.

"_Bastards_," Kyo muttered darkly. I wholeheartedly agreed with him.

"Yes. Me." I began steadily, "I'm as much a Hollow as they are." I gestured to the filing away ranks of masked creatures and then to my own mask. Ichimaru glanced at them and then back to me. Then repeated the look.

"Sorry. Half-breeds aren't accepted."

A half-breed am I? A well of anger rose in my chest.

"I'm a hybrid," I interrupted proudly, "half Soul reaper and half Hollow. A perfect fusion between the two!"

He looked at me pityingly, "I'm sure you can't even fire a Cero."

He had hit it on the head.

Damn him.

I kept my face straight-if that's possible with a now smiling mask-sardonically I might add. And flash-stepped in front of him. My palm was outstretched in his face, "wanna bet? Allow me to go with you now…or _suffer_ the consequences."

Everyone had froze. I had the momentary pleasure of seeing his smile tighten and a flicker of fear cross his face. I had him there. He wasn't willing to call my bluff and risk his head being blown off by a point-blank Doom blast. Threat of repercussions from the nearby Hollows notwithstanding.

Coward.

With effort and a swallow of nonchalance, he waved me to a spot behind Grimmjow.

"Be my guest."

~*~

AN: Finally here! Sakuya still has a battle to fight before meeting up with Ulquiorra again even after that…more tribulations will come her way. :) Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated.


	7. Chapter 7 Fight to survive

Behind the mask CH.7: Fight to survive

It's hard to summarize what one feels marching along a considerable distance with only one's thoughts and inner residents for company. First I was footsore terribly, having trekked a way in near bare feet with only the most rudimentary of protection afforded by the remaining pieces of my straw sandals and now doing the same on a sandy stretch. My body then, weary from exerting energy for healing itself enough for mobility was close to falling apart at the joints.

My inner-Hollow wasn't helping.

"_Well. Fine conundrum we're in, Mistress. You've managed to accomplish one half of your aims through subtle subterfuge. Now we only have to worry about convincing Ulquiorra to—"_

I knew what he was going to say. 'I'm not.'

"_Come again?"_ he sounded like me.

'You heard Ichimaru. Whatever he was taken for…it wasn't to kill him, that much I realize. If he's made into an Arrancar…'

Kyo didn't answer. Knowing as I did, the wish of all Hollows: _to become even stronger_.

~*~

"_Then what're we going for into The Nights?"_

'I just…' I kept my eyes straight ahead, feeling the weight of the mask ever more on my face at that moment. I wanted to see him one last time. Simple enough, wasn't it? But yet I knew it was something that couldn't be phrased, answered even to the one most privy into my thoughts. Because. Kyo _wouldn't_ understand.

Just once.

It felt like a promise. My lashes fluttered against the bone mask.

I had to see him.

~*~

I didn't-that is-find him upon arriving at our predetermined destination. Shock and amazement came, staring up at the edifice and immense gate we were instructed to enter. Las Noches indeed was a Palace or fortress. Made of white stone and dominating the landscape-I wondered why I hadn't noticed it before. Five towers also rose high, accusingly to the dark sky.

Inside, we were filed apart, I by Ichimaru to the side; Grimmjow and his gang away down a farther corridor. I met his look back and tried to smile. I think I failed. D-Roy stared back, frightened at being separated. I felt a pang of sympathy for the little guy but there was nothing to be done. For once Kyo had nothing snide to remark upon for his behavior. I was led away a moment later.

"What's going to happen to them?" I asked as we walked down an empty hallway. Beneath my feet the gleaming black flooring was pleasantly cool. Ichimaru glanced at me covertly, "it's not them you should be worried about."

"Oh?" I felt a prickle of annoyance, which I fought hard to suppress, "is there something you haven't told me?"

He chuckled. Despite my present mood, my skin crawled.

"Oh nothing but a little test we have to conduct for your strength level."

I definitely didn't like the sound of that, "what do you mean '_a test'_?"

"Why to see…" we stopped before a closed door whereupon he produced a square key from the wide white sleeves of his robes, dragging it through the keypad with a loud grating sound; "if you're Espada material. In one week I will come for you. Until then, _pleasant stay_!"

I would have Cero-ed him to a crisp if I could've at that moment, as it was I smiled and went in.

~*~

It was a plain room with a single bed and a closet. An inner door opened into a small bathroom of monochromatic colors. How depressing.

I stood under the overhead light and crumpled down wondering just why I had come to this place. Behind my folded body, the door creaked open; a small shadow darted in. A pile of pressed clothing fell near my hip. I turned around in time to catch the swish of white clothing. I ran to the closing door. "Hey! Let me—" my voice rose on a higher pitch, my fear rising; I was locked in, "—out!"

~*~

I tried forcing the door, pounding at it uselessly with my fists.

It didn't budge.

Not that I expected it to. They would make sure I wouldn't be able to escape.

~*~

"_With your present strength,"_ Kyo began, two fingers folded thoughtfully beneath his narrow pointed chin. I could have laughed at the ridiculousness of his pose if the situation had been any less worrisome.

"_You would only last two minutes flat against someone of Ulquiorra's caliber." _

'Thanks a lot,' I said dryly then remembering his assessment before, remarked casually, 'you said that I could win any fight because I healed so fast. So what's changed?'

"_I did?"_

I felt the urge to strangle something. Sometimes he could be so aggravating! Shunten-Satsu clucked sympathetically and fluttered up behind me, "what he means I believe; is that you lack stamina in place of strength. Healing every injury dealt takes a greater deal then a simple Kido spell does. So if you're forced into a lengthy battle—"

'I'd weaken.' Now I could really see the hopelessness of it. Unless supposing I was able to finish off my opponent in a few minutes before…

"_Or if you used our Bankai." _

I stared at him. 'That's crazy! Then I'd really be drained!'

"_Not necessarily," _Kyo waved his finger back and forth; my eyebrows rose, 'and why not?'

"_Because. I guarantee you can use it three times. Three attacks and no more than that."_

'Three? I thought—'

"_No. Three is the limit combined with your regenerative properties."_

'Why can't I just Cero them to death?' I grumbled. I mean what was the use of having an inner-Hollow if I couldn't even shoot a Doom blast like a regular Hollow?

"_That's only for Hollows."_

'Well aren't you one?'

He wouldn't answer me.

~*~

In the passing of the next few days, I saw almost no one. Meal times came and by chance I would never glimpse whomever it was bringing in the trays of sometimes-_strange_ food.

A new outfit was brought everyday, always in the same monochrome color scheme as seemingly the Palace of Las Noches. I thought it made me appear washed out, faded, but once Kyo commented observing me through a mirror reflecting my image back at him that _dull captivity suited me_.

I slipped my hands through the cable of coiled hair lying heavily on my neck and twisted it up in a loose knot. I stared into my mirror hanging opposite on the wall and started_. It was just my reflection_. For moments I pressed my palms to the sides of the cool white sink, bracing my leaning form against the slender pedestal. _It was only myself, no one else_.

In the second it had taken my eyes to askance look and glimpse my face framed by shorter dark locks and one hand entwined upward into the main bulk of my hair, I seemed to see someone else.

Unbidden, my lips trembled, "Kosuke…"

~*~

The day had arrived. He came early, before breakfast to deliver me to the place of_ my_ test.

"How are we?" he seemed especially cheerful and leery at once, I responded noncommittally. Talk was useless at this point. I had dressed carefully, stashing from three days before, a long tunic type sleeveless dress with black trim running down the front to the hem and black Hakama. I carried my sword in my hand, the scabbard brushing my side as I walked giving me a reassuring feeling.

I wasn't going in unarmed.

Soon enough we reached two large arched double doors in silence that was only punctuated when they were thrown open and Ichimaru called loudly to the tall figure of a man in white standing in the center of the room, "she's here, Stark." The figure twitched and broke off from snoring.

Asleep on his feet—who the hell was this?

"Took you long enough." The Arrancar I saw plainly enough, grumbled discontentedly.

A bored gaze roved over me and he scratched below his chin. Something white glimmered. A bone jaw hung around his neck. He's a…

"You may begin now," Ichimaru said from the shadows he had strolled off into. I breathed in deeply, my hand sliding over my hilt. In seconds I'd withdrawn my sword. _He_ hadn't moved. I observed his weak spot and charged, thrusting solidly into his ribcage. Something stopped me. The back of his hand had halted the tip of my sword, the glove he wore ripped exposing a black number tattooed on his skin.

1.

He glanced unconcernedly from the tips of his long fingers to my face.

"What is _this_?" my opponent drawled loudly for all those gathered to hear, "certainly_ not _a Hollow."

Bastard!

"I'm nearly the same as you," I said scathingly earning me another long look from gray eyes.

"Sorry, girl." He pushed me back with all the strength one might use to swat away a fly. My feet skated and I quickly leapt aside hearing only the crackle of his speed and the change in the air. His fist created a miniature crater in the floor, minute cracks spread apart from it toward where I stood.

Such power.

"I just don't see the resemblance," he finished, appearing behind me. My head turned to the side, my lips parted, my gaze dropped seeing waves of black collecting onto his outstretched fingertips.

"_DUCK!!" _Kyo screamed.

I needed no second warning. I pitched myself forward feeling the skim of the currents produced by his swipe graze the stray hairs on the back of my neck. He lunged again. I flipped onto my hands, somersaulting clumsily and in the process letting go of my sword. He saw that and kicked it away.

I watched it skitter and clang until it came to rest near the base of a side pillar. I sensed his eyes on me, probably wondering what I was going to attempt next. This seemingly being entertainment to him as well as the others hovering-those who were kept hidden by the lack of light. Only the circle he and I stood in held any illumination from the moon's light flowing in from the skylight above.

"Give it up, girl. You're a weakling, that's all there is to it," he shrugged his shoulders and then affixed me with the kind of look I loathed, that of pity. "You should never have come here. You'll die here in this room today."

"Not girl." I raised my head as it formerly had hung slightly at the surety present in his voice. "Sakuya. I'm sick of hearing girl this, girl that. I'm here for a purpose and—" I glared angrily, "nothing will dissuade me from it! I will win!" No matter what the cost. Kyo applauded me from within my mindscape.

"_Bravo, Mistress! Now to only back up your words with a tangible threat."_

He was right even though I did have some sort of plan. My speed was lacking but my other skills were not. "Hado 31 Shakkoho (Red flame cannon)!" I braced my right against the back of my left hand, firing off the red flash of Kido. As predicated, he simply vanished, stepping to the side of my attack's pathway. _Too slow_. I traced his movements each time the flame evaporating before it touched him. Dammit. This was getting nowhere.

"Ha—" I broke off, something hard slammed across my mouth. I tasted blood. My back hit the wall with enough force to jolt my skull. Dizzily I clenched my teeth to keep from submitting to the black spots swaying beneath my eyelids. "Pitifully weak. Not even a Hollow…what am I doing here wasting my naptime?" he asked, strolling up. My eyes flickered open; I saw he was within range. Not much can survive a point blank shot like this.

"Hado 4 Byaku—"

He grabbed my wrist and punctuated the bone crushing with commentary. "Brave of you, girl. However with Hierro not much can—"

I came close to screaming.

"—damage it." The Arrancar surveyed my doubled over form without much interest, "I'm not fond of violence the way the others are so I'll go easy on you. I promise in two minutes it'll all be over." So saying this and making it seem like he considered it an act of mercy, my healing face was pushed into the next space, a pillar like the many supporting the ceiling. Repeatedly.

My arms flailed uselessly and my cries were muffled, his hand was burrowed in at the back of my head, yanking on my hair. Into the pillar, pitched into the wall then kicked in the stomach, my body bent over his knee. I gagged on my own blood in an attempt to defend myself by Kido.

From the kick I was tossed onto the floor, skidding a few feet away. I half rose on my elbows, red trailing along my scalp and dripping onto the collar of my tunic. His foot connected with my chin and I spun away skittering like Shunten.

"One minute," he said. I thought it might have been longer.

I was lifted by my arm and hurled like a rag doll into the masses of his comrades. Some shrieked when my body met the smooth stone. Limply I began to sag down, my face felt wet but from leaking tears or blood I'm not sure. "Thirty seconds." Calmly he took a hold of my shoulders, at my side with a speed I'd never imagined possible.

Hurts. It hurts.

-STOP IT-

"Twenty."

Fight back.

-STAY WITH ME-

"Fifteen."

Survive.

-KOSUKE-

My opponent grunted, heaving me across the room.

I flew into the doors.

Shattering them with the force of my body.

Help me.

-YOU'RE MY SISTER-

Ulquiorra.

-WHY DIDN'T THEY TELL ME? MOM. DAD. -

There were stairs, an elegant white staircase that descended up into a higher floor. I'd noticed them before now I came facedown to the bottom four steps.

Oh that's right. You're not here now.

-WE LOVE YOU, SAKUYA. -

My own voice joined in the cacophony ringing in my mind,

-NO, YOU DON'T. YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN-

Isthiswhatit'sliketodie?

My body rocked once as someone jumped onto my back, an immense weight pushing me down. I lacked the strength to move and only breathed in from the corner of my mouth. The broken stone was cutting into my lip. "The two minutes are up." He announced, bending low, his sandals pressing into my spine. "Are you still alive in there?"

-Run, Sakuya!-

Kosuke. I can't.

I saw her blurry tear-filled face clearly as though she were before me and hazel eyes reflecting bitterness appear from the blackness of my mind.

-Forget me and go!-

I'm going to join you now.

-YOU MUST LIVE-

My eyes flew open beneath the crust of drying blood. "Goodbye," the Arrancar said above me, a Doom blast forming.

Kosuke faded. "Bankai."

My reiatsu instantly shot up. He leapt back hurriedly just narrowly avoiding the electrical charge consuming my aura. Shaking, I stood, ignoring the others who had gathered at the doors and stared at me. "You said two minutes yet here I stand. I'll give you the same and see who'll still be standing at the end. Whoever it is will have won, the loser who falls, forfeits. Deal?"

Gray eyes blinked and he ran his hand through his dark hair. "Weird way of doing things. But I guess…okay."

I wiped the back of my hand across my forehead, "good. Annihilate on first strike—" the hilt and guard formed in my hand, I slashed it down decisively, "Kaminari." The curving length of red scales erupted from the edge of the guard and snapped the pulse in the air like a whip or _tail_. He threw his arm up across his face to protect himself from the worst of it.

Like its name, my Thunderbolt struck from above.

Visibly he was shaken. He had felt _that_.

I vanished in a burst of silent speed, laying my sword across his back. The Arrancars gasped, still I paid them no heed. In my right hand I grasped the whip to my wordless command it became rigid like a second blade only attached.

I heard his hiss and said softly, "one minute."

There was movement from the direction of the stairwell, I didn't turn that way; others did and looked startled.

"Lord—"

I didn't hear the one who spoke finish.

"This ends now!!!" Sword and segmented whip crossed one another, slicing through his body like water. The path of Goko Juji was one of twin Xs one on back and…front.

My opponent stood still for a moment while I had my wrists crossed over my chest. Then he staggered, gasping forward as blood gushed from the twin Xs scoring his chest and back. He fell to his knees, his hand traveling across his upper chest and confirming his loss.

"You win…"he said, his head drooping. "You may finish me now."

Hold on—what did he—!

"Gin?" inquired a new voice.

The Arrancars around me including the downed one, assumed poses of respect.

"What is going on here?"

I stared at the two men who had approached unnoticed during my battle. One wore a long white tunic similar to mine and carried his sword Suzumushi in his hand. Kaname Tosen. The other looked around with a smile of good-natured humor but as his coffee brown eyes alighted upon me, blood soaked and in tattered clothing my sword still cradled near my chest, I saw something else.

Recognition perhaps?

He cocked his head at me, his smile of amusement fading. I blinked, lowering my sword. "Captain Aizen?" I said, knowing him but feeling confusion at the same time.

"Kosuke?" there was a particular, strange almost-tender sort of note that I heard in the way he spoke my sister's name. Hesitantly I sheathed my sword, "um no. I think you—"

He came toward me. This tall broad-shouldered man in robes of white, even though I had just defeated an Arrancar, I backed up, warily watching his advance. "Uh sir, I can explain. I—"

His hand fell on my shoulder, unconscious of the movement I flinched in distaste. He frowned. "Kosuke—"

"I'm not Kosuke, sir." I felt his eyes on my face, their intensity boring into me, "I'm her sister, Sakuya."

~*~

"Sakuya?" I saw the import of my words sink in his frown lessened though his hand stayed where it was. His other rose and then both slid down to the bare skin of my arms. "_Her_ sister?" he seemed to place light emphasis in his sentence and not knowing what else to say, I nodded.

The touch of his palms wrapped around my upper arms was indescribably loathsome. Even the gentle squeeze he imparted, leading me to face the rest of the Arrancars, I fought hard not to wrench myself away.

"Sakuya." My name sounded strange rolling from his mouth, I remembered him calling me _Enomoto-san_ before and recalling then it hadn't been so…so different as now. I was afraid to look anywhere but at the floor, "yes?"

"I can only assume you've fought Stark for the right to become a part of the Espada. Is that correct?"

_Stark. So that's what his name is. _"Uh huh."

"Finish him then. You've defeated La Primera; his position will be yours once…" Aizen smiled down at me, "he lies dead."

_La Primera? What does that mean?_

"N-No-I-I don't want to—I don't want it!" frantically I cried. I ventured to see my opponent still where he had fallen, his eyes on me. In fact everyone was looking at me. Curious broken-masked faces and dozens of different eyes and forms in white clothes all staring at _me_. Ex third seat, half Soul reaper half Hollow, Vizard that I was, unaccountably I felt ashamed.

Someone snarled something. It sounded like _waste_.

But I didn't care. Stepping away from Aizen, I went toward Stark. The others backed from me, edging warily away as if I would attack them suddenly. Idiots.

He thought I was going to do it.

"Raise your head," I ordered; stooping slightly, I extended my hand to him. Stark stared at me and then to the hand I proffered him as a means to steady him while he straightened.

"I'm not going to kill you. Why should I?"

~Stark's p.o.v~

She gave me her hand.

Smiled faintly, saying, "I'm not going to kill you. Why should I?"

I've never met anyone like her. Barragan watched enviously, seeing her throwaway the position he'd been lusting after ever since he became second to _me_.

Lord Aizen was watching our exchange. I got the feeling he expected her to do this. It seemed to me like he had known her before. It was almost like seeing an indulgent parent hovering over their child. Cautiously I accepted, sliding my hand into hers and rising. Her skin was lightly cool, her grip firm.

The longer I looked into her face the more it seemed less plain, less childish. More with the flush of young womanhood to containing a fiercer harder edge like that of a warrior.

I felt myself smile; still looking down at her, "_Margarita_," I said, half-jokingly, half seriously. I saw her blush daintily in confusion. Spanish was obviously not one of her faculties. She let go of my hand, averting her reddened cheeks. "Do you know what it means?" I asked; she shook her head, her hand creeping up modestly to her face.

"It means _Daisy_."

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

He called me a Daisy.

Aizen observing us, broke in casually, "well if you refuse what's rightly yours, what would you like instead?"

I didn't suppose I could ask to be let out. Somehow I didn't think that was an option even if I asked.

"I don't know…I mean…well…"

Ulquiorra.

"I…can I see Ulquiorra—and the others who came with me—Grimmjow?"

Stark stared at me, "don't tell me you came here to see that—"

"Stark," Aizen warned; he instantly fell quiet. "They're here. Ulquiorra," at the commanding tone, a slender black-haired Arrancar stepped forward from the ranks. Hands in his pockets, I was looked at in the way of a stranger. _You don't know me?_

My chest tightened.

"Grimmjow," Aizen gestured and another came forward. Tall, wearing a short white jacket that concealed nothing of the hard set of washboard abs and flowing Hakama like the others. The teal-haired Arrancar smirked, his eyes of the same color narrowed in mirth, "don't act as if you don't recognize me!" he boomed. Stark pressed his palm to his temples, "shut up already."

This is GRIMMJOW?

I felt a little faint, overwhelmed with the two that had been most present in my thoughts and worrying about—

I got the urge to slap something.

"—Tho' why you'd give up killing old Stark there—"

"Shut up," was the reply from_ old Stark_.

"Do you have any idea how worried I've been-?" I charged at him and grabbing fistfuls of his black collar, dragged him to my height, "YOU STUPID BASTARD???!!!"

I think I might've scared him. Although I think after his initial fright had faded, his ego flared, having been stoked under my declared wrath of realizing: _I had worried over him_. I only think that, because I saw him grin idiotically before I turned back to Aizen.

"I don't suppose I'm free to go now?"

"No."

"Thought so," I grumbled, managing to roll my eyes briefly before reaffixing them on him, "so what happens next?"

~To be continued~

AN: Her Bankai gives her a greater speed then Sonido, the Bankai release name of her Zanpaku-to I have yet to disclose but its power can still be utilized by the call command: Annihilate on first strike. All of her Shikai attacks become deadlier hence the use of Kaminari being in that it wasn't written in but it temporarily made Stark not able to move as fast. Which was why Sakuya was able to take him down. :) Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8 Bound to The Nights

Behind the mask CH.8: Bound to The Nights

Ulquiorra's p.o.v

I never expected this. I didn't consider the woman's tenacity, her paltry strength tried against the one who was by far my superior. Her win at the cost of what? My eyes traveled over her face surrounded by her loosened hair, it streamed down her back and fell forward, her hand brushing it aside. Her glance was askance, looking over us all without the look of one who considers themselves better, stronger.

She turned away when she got to me; Stark said something, I'm not sure what.

_Sakuya. Look at me._

She couldn't hear me, for I didn't say it aloud. I felt my Lord watching us, her and me particularly with a secret knowing gleaming in his sharp eyes. He missed nothing. He already knew. I met his look.

_Don't harm her._

He nodded, saying to Ichimaru to take care of Stark, the rest of us, minus me were dismissed…he approached her. "Sakuya," though my Lord towered over her by some several inches, she boldly looked him in the face; it was more than I could. "Come with me. I also have some matters to discuss with Ulquiorra."

_You have me. Leave her be._

With that, he led the way. Sakuya dropped up keeping apace with him and fell in beside me. I sensed Grimmjow's envious eyes stare daggers into my back as we walked on down the hallway. "Ulquiorra?" she said softly, tilting her head to gain a better angle of my profile.

_Don't care for me._

I kept my eyes straight ahead on the striding poise of my Lord.

_Don't look at me with those eyes._

I believe he was displeased.

"Ulquiorra," he stopped before a plain white door, his place of rest. "You're first. Sakuya, please excuse us a moment, we won't be long." She was looking from me to him; her nod was slight, her gaze resting once on the confines of the room she could partially see from the open door.

"My Lord," I began, with the quiet snapping of the hinges and her form with her arms crossed over her chest, her gaze wandering up and down the hallway, shut from my sight. Lord Aizen stepped to the wide white sofa against the wall, then turned deliberately away from it as if deciding only at that moment not to sit down.

"Ulquiorra," he leveled his piercing eyes on me. The eyes that made me submit even when I was tortured at his command. "Ignore her."

I was blank.

"No matter what she says or how she entreats you. I want you to simply ignore her. Act as though you foster nothing but hateful loathing for her face."

"Do not respect her?" I asked carefully, assuming he was alluding to worthlessness of her being.

"No…" my Lord responded, thoughtful with a touch of hesitance in his voice. "She will have the highest rank in my army…you will respect that and treat her with courtesy as you do Stark. I wish for nothing above that. Mock her. Treat her with…" he affixed his eyes on me and I knew I would obey, "indifference."

~*~

The door opened and I left it that way, striding out without meeting her waiting gaze.

"Ulquiorra," she tried again.

My eyes flickered to her face. I saw quiet hope written in every line of her expression.

"Do you remember what happened before?"

I looked blank.

"The cave," she persisted, moving forward; my Lord watched from the open doorway.

"I don't what you're talking about." I turned on my heel.

I felt her eyes on my back, "don't—don't you remember _me_…at all?" her voice had grown quieter.

"Don't be foolish. How could I? I've never seen your face before."

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

He said it so…so easily. His voice was deep. As resonant and familiar as my own was. It was ingrained in my mind there for comparison and…I shallowly breathed in, forcing my eyes away from his figure already near the end of the hallway. I couldn't go after him.

I must-I must—I must move.

The door closed behind me.

"Would you like a seat?"

Pay attention. "No, thank you," I said, clasping my hands, my nails dug into my skin.

"You refused to take Stark's position, why?"

That was easy. Just answer. "Because it wasn't mine."

"You fought him fairly and won…why wasn't it yours?" Aizen probed, his eyes on my face. I swallowed, wishing I could wear my mask so that it hid my every emotion. "I didn't want it. That's all there is to it." There was finality but I added, "I'm not cruel. I can still have compassion for something, can't I?"

"Indeed," he murmured. I wondered what he would ask next.

"What is your full name? Pardon me…" again with a flash of the charming smile I remembered, "I believe I knew you long ago. But I've forgotten it."

"_Don't tell him."_ Kyo counseled.

'You stay out of this.'

"_Fine. Ignore my advice." _My inner-Hollow shrugged, stalking off into his realm.

"I was…Captain Kyoraku's third seat. Sakuya Enomoto."

"Kyoraku's?" I glimpsed another keening flash of interest, then, "how long have you been a Vizard?"

"I don't know." I lied, _after my sister…_

"You know…" he was staring at me intensely, "you look so much like her." I sensed this wasn't a question and I didn't reply right away.

"Really? You're the first person that's told that to me."

"Oh yes." He stood and approached me once more, "so like her I nearly believed you were her. It's your eyes." He saw me about to disclaim similarities and smoothly interrupted, touching my chin with a light gesture. "You misunderstand. To someone who had known dear Ichimura-san, they would first see those eyes and the shape edged with thick lashes."

Uncomfortably I felt his gaze drop to my mouth. Lingering there.

"And those lips. You also have her mouth." His finger trailed feather-light around the tiny cleft in my chin, passing below my bottom lip. I didn't like this. "You flatter me, sir," I tried stepping away but found his hand on my arm. "I'm sorry, forgive me." He didn't sound at all sincere and the look in his eyes when I briefly glanced…

"It wasn't my intention to cause you undue discomfort."

Then what did you intend?

"No…I'm sorry," the words left my mouth before I had even realized it, "It's just been so long since anyone's paid me compliments that I…"

What're you saying, idiot?

"Why is that?"

I had unconsciously moved back with the gentle pressure of his hand. "I—I don't know." I felt my cheeks grow warm beneath his kindly look. I lifted my hand with every intention to shield my face. He caught my wrist; I stared at his hand dwarfing mine.

"What you did proved your heart still exists. I've thought about it and I've come up with an alternative for recognizing your strengths."

But I'm not strong.

"Zero shall be your number. You shall have your place among the Espada as the strongest."

"But—" he pressed a finger to my lips briefly.

"No buts. You defeated Stark, you _are_ the strongest."

~*~

But I'm not!!! My mind cried.

I was tattooed over my beating heart with a black zero. The scorched skin from the brand sealed immediately to the amazement of the Arrancar healers, Aizen watched on. Smiling. Always smiling as if he knew something nobody but he knew.

I was dressed in a sleeveless white dress; asymmetrical black bands crossed one another over the bodice and to the hemline. Over this I was given a white coat with wide sleeves like a kimono, emblazoned high on each and on my back was a large black circle. My feet were encased in knee-high black boots lacking any white detail. My hair fell loose and rippling over my shoulders, the Arrancar females that had helped me dress, wondered aloud over it. Running reverent hands through it.

They bowed to me.

News had spread fast.

I was the Cero Espada. Above the Primera. Me. How?

"Hmph. Another woman," grumbled an old Arrancar. He was short and his face was creased with many wrinkles. Atop his grizzled head was a black crown. As I approached, he said, "Segunda Espada, Barragan Luisenbarn."

I inclined my head respectfully, "Sakuya Enomoto, nice to meet you."

He stared at me with sharp eyes hidden by many folds of aged skin and grunted, "follow me." He took me through a set of double doors and into a large room not so unlike the other one. _But this_, I saw, looking around curiously, _was a throne room_. Set high above us was a single white chair unoccupied.

Nine Arrancars stood in a line beneath it. Barragan motioned me irritably forward. We stopped before them and introductions began. Stark winked when my ancient guide glaring, pronounced him first. Definite contention there. My guide of course was the second, third was a caramel-skinned female with thin blond hair and a slender braid hanging near her face, which was half-hidden by the high white collar of her jacket.

"Tia Halibel," Barragan wheezed. She acknowledged me with the slight nod; I did the same.

"Ulquiorra Schiffer." The cool impassive stare of his brought a pang to my heart, but I managed to cover it with a sardonic twist to the mouth of my mask.

"Nnoitora." The Arrancar looked me up and down, smirking unpleasantly. "Plenty nice to meet ya…" when I didn't respond and had moved on, he remarked, "nice ass."

There was a slight movement and narrowed green eyes rolled to him, "remember your station, Nnoitora."

Ulquiorra.

"I do!" the fifth whined, "Sheesh Ulquiorra, can't I express my appreciation for our delectable new member?! I bet you think the same of her." He smirked.

Barragan ignored him, "Grimmjow Jeagerjaques." I was the receiver of a wide toothy grin displaying sharp pointed teeth. My eyes slid over the piece of jawbone on the side of his mouth and his flashing teal eyes outlined in green. I grinned, "I know."

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

I know Grimmjow was gloating. I could sense victory thrilling through his veins as her mouth smiled in that caricature of a Theatre mask. "I know," she said. I wasn't clear on it, but as he had told me before. He knew her and she knew him. Whatever that meant. He had wanted a rise out of me and nearly achieved it. That look he sent me said it all. _You lose_. The fool.

She and La Segunda had moved onto the next in line, Zommari.

Soon I found that if I tilted my head at a certain angle I could look at her without making it seem obvious.

Szayel. She and the scientist spoke to one another in conversational tones.

Stark was watching her openly. I felt a twinge of what could only be described as jealousy. It was then that I recalled Lord Aizen's order and endeavored to keep my eyes from following her movements.

Aaroniero. He wore the outward appearance of a Soul reaper. I heard her stifled exclamation and then Barrangan's explanation about the Noventa's former form. He was a Menos. Not a Vasto Lordes like the first five. She understood then. Responding quite politely to Aaroniero's question.

Was he familiar to her?

No. She didn't know him personally, but yes, she knew the face he had assumed.

A frown crossed the expression of her mask. I sensed she was perturbed by something. Her glance swept up past us again, I caught her eye. She wouldn't hold it. She turned away.

_Look at me. Don't look away._

I checked my thoughts. This was going against my Lord's express wishes. I must stop it. I must obey.

Yammy. The large fool didn't know what to do with himself at her question, "nervous? Don't be. I feel the same right now…" she turned around and smiled at each of us, "coming and meeting all of you."

"Margarita…" Stark said and she advanced a few steps back up the line. I felt extreme annoyance at this. I couldn't stop the reprove forming on my lips, "her name is Sakuya." I was surprised at how sharp my voice sounded and on opening my eyes discovered the others looking at me with expressions of foolish curiosity.

Nnoitora smirked.

Jackal.

"I don't mind," she said aloud, meeting my gaze directly, I couldn't tear myself away. Then to Stark, "Margarita is fine." Her heels clicked crisply on the black floor as she pivoted back to Barragan, "is there anyone else to meet? I think Aizen mentioned the Privaron Espada or something?"

La Segunda grunted and motioned her away from us; "we must go down to Tres Cifras if you want to see them."

"Okay," brightly she said, "lead on, Luisenbarn-san." Earning her a peculiar look from him.

~*~

"She's strange." Halibel commented once they were out of earshot. Nnoitora glanced at her, "what? Don't you know she's a Soul reaper?" Yammy stared with wide eyes and parted mouth. "She is?" Fool.

"She's a Vizard," I clarified.

"A what?" Yammy still didn't get it.

Stark rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair slowly, "half Soul reaper, half Hollow, you fool."

"How do you know?" Suspicion now.

"She told me!" irritably Stark snapped. He looked after the direction they had gone off to with a hesitance about his person that I found strange. He took a step forward and was immediately challenged by Grimmjow.

"Where are you going?"

"None of your fucking business."

"She's still strange," insisted Halibel, frowning at the floor. She never spoke. What had possessed her to utter more than what was usually spoken in our collective presences, now?

"That's because…" Stark glanced back at us, "she still has her _heart_."

I knew that.

"And how do you know that?" Nnoitora asked in that usual snide way of his.

"I felt it beat during the battle," was the reply before he disappeared. On his way after them. Envy was in the look I threw over my shoulder as I walked away. No one stopped me.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~ Three days later ~

"Ulquiorra!" I raced up to his retreating form. He was on his way to fulfill a mission in the living world. I didn't like the thought that he was going alone but no one was to accompany him. Aizen's orders. I felt the weight of his gaze fall on me and I instantly regretted coming.

"Yes?" My name didn't fall from his lips.

"I was just wondering if you…you'd like some company, you know—" I faltered. I sounded like a fool. Obviously he didn't need anyone. I was so ridiculous.

"No." It was a simple denial yet my eyes prickled and on the pretence of brushing hair from my eyes I summoned my mask. The weight was familiar. It hid my face from his judging eyes.

"You wear that more now."

I thought he meant my clothes, "oh! Yeah they bring me others. Jackets like Halibel's and tunics like what I wore that time. Would you believe Cirucci sent me a dress like hers?" I chuckled, "it's cute but I find I'm more of a conservative in my choice of dressing. One of these days I'll have to wear it and go visit."

He was looking at my face. My mask.

Yo_u wear that more now_. I came to a dead stop, "you remember," I couldn't withhold the hard edge rising in my tone. He didn't stop. "You're mistaken," he said coldly.

I ran back the way we had come.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

I listened to her pounding footsteps recede into the distance.

I had almost betrayed myself.

She hid behind her mask now; I had never liked to see it covering her face before. A face that smiled while beneath a frown resided. A lie.

I had lied.

That mouth drawn up in an unnatural smile, those eyes that stared at me through narrow slits. She was hurt. I had hurt her. What was the point of this? What did my Lord want me to accomplish with this?

Heavy footsteps that shook the walls; came up.

"Yammy." I affixed my eyes on him coldly, "what're you doing here?"

"I'm coming with you," the fool declared in booming tones. I sensed something in his _too_ loud voice that indicated he was lying. "Fine." I decided not to dwell on it further. Excessive thought made my mind feel obsessed. It was only a survey mission anyway.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I didn't believe him for one second.

He was lying.

But why would he…no…he said it before so…so emphatically.

He didn't remember me.

He doesn't. It was something else he was referring to. It had to be.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I barreled into a large body rounding the corner. Meaty hands steadied me; I looked up, "Yammy!" He blinked slowly.

"Just the one I wanted to see. Could you…"

He couldn't refuse me. I knew I was playing dirty. Using my rank to get him to obey for unless it was specifically from Aizen-our Lord-quote, the lower ranked Espada were to obey the order of a higher ranked one. Hence…

"_What're you talking about?"_ my inner-Hollow muttered, observing these events through my eyes, _"he would've done it anyway even you believe it's rank you're pulling."_

'I doubt that seriously.'

_"Grimmjow whether you believe me or not, would have gone if you'd just asked. He hates Ulquiorra with a passion that is particularly and unreservedly strange to me—anyhow, because it's for you…well…"_

I watched Yammy stomp off.

My hand passed over my face once and my smile became a frown.

~*~

"We have returned, Lord Aizen."

"Welcome back, Ulquiorra…Yammy." Aizen seated in his throne above us, didn't look even the slightest bit surprised at seeing the form of the Decimo Espada beside Ulquiorra. I leaned forward from the cushion where I sat, Grimmjow at my hip and his gang surrounding me. _Yammy had been injured_, I noticed, _but Ulquiorra seemed fine_. I was relieved.

"Tell the twenty brothers what you learned."

~To be continued~

AN: finally got to this part. I'd had the scene in mind for a while-well-Sakuya's inclusion in the ranks of the Espada. The part especially where she asks Yammy to follow Ulquiorra, I felt fit in with the general line of the manga. Thanks for reading and reviews are appreciated. :)


	9. Chapter 9 Gave it all away

Behind the mask CH.9: Gave it all away

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

He crushed his eyeball. I wondered if it would grow back.

"_Of course it will, doll…"_ my inner-Hollow remarked from within my mindscape.

'You've been awfully quiet lately,' I said. Everyone had closed their eyes to view the recorded images. I didn't. Ulquiorra didn't as well. He glanced my way, I think expecting to find me like the others. We stared, he and I. One single green eye and the empty socket bleeding a fine trickle of blood met my two of yellow.

I felt disgust.

He had hurt himself for Aizen's sake.

I felt anger.

He worshipped that man.

I felt jealousy pour out from the inner most depths of my soul.

He had nothing inside but a desire to please and obey the Soul reaper who called himself a God.

"Why didn't you kill him?" I demanded the moment the eye had shown all that it had. My tone was sharp, reproving. He didn't look at me anymore, instead answering to the man above. I grew angry. "Did I not just ask you a question, Cuatro?" It felt odd addressing him by rank rather than by name. I remembered earlier briefly and my anger swelled.

"_Margarita-san_. I believed him not a threat to Lord Aizen. However it is not you who I am to answer to at this moment," he favored me with a look that I longed to slap from his face.

"_Temper. Temper, Mistress,"_ Kyo warned.

I knew it was childish to say so, but then I said, "you don't have leave to address me by that name."

I caught it. A tightening of his features, a certain rigidity stiffening his stance that assured me he didn't like it. Vindicated! I felt my lips curve into a satisfied smile; he saw it then.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

Her eyes were hard. Staring at me with malevolent disgust. She despised me. I could feel it. She sat with Grimmjow; the fool smirked catching my eye during her rebuttal. Ican'tdothis. Don't. No. She smiled. It wasn't the smile I knew; it was cold, disdainful. She saw me look and seemed pleased.

All was not lost.

She would still look at me.

This wasn't hopeless.

Enviously I glimpsed Grimmjow touch her arm and she leaned closer to him. My Lord spoke. I tore my gaze away from them. I answered his questions; I knew she was conversing in quiet intimate tones with Grimmjow. I bit the inside of my mouth, tasting copper, but was able to focus on the pain.

I was dismissed. We were all dismissed. She rose; Grimmjow followed. Stark yawning; stretched and sauntered after them. I was left behind.

~*~

I saw them together. Still talking. Still keeping pace with one another. Heard her laughter, saw her clap the shoulder of one of Grimmjow's gang. I turned away. I couldn't stand this. Everyday I did the same. Her room was in a separate wing all by itself. The white door was marked now with a zero. She exited it promptly half-an-hour after breakfasting and dressing for the day.

My reiatsu was hidden so well that she never knew I was there.

Trailing far behind her, haunting her footsteps.

If I met her face-to-face I was polite as to a subordinate to a superior, never failing to comment the slightest disparaging remark. I was hurting her and I knew it. My only satisfaction came when she would gaze at me with loathing, despising me utterly. I felt special then. I was the only one she favored with such a look.

She was peculiar I suppose. Finding something to eventually like in the murderous Hollows that were my Lord's army. Cirucci of the Privaron Espada despite her demeaning status was on very good terms with my Vizard. I saw her yesterday making her way down to Tres Cifras; wearing the dress Cirucci had sent her. She stayed quite a while down there with them.

From the lowest of the servants to the highest ranked, she showed no preference.

They were equal in her affection.

The Numeros that hung around Grimmjow, clustered around her.

_Was it rank?_

She was talking with one of the newer Arrancars, one that hadn't been assigned a number.

_Was this evidence of the heart?_

She was going to take the time to show him around.

No one else would have.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

Sometimes I think I'm obsessed, or going crazy or any one thing where I somehow find myself trailing after _him_. After meetings, evading questions on where I've been when one of the others—Grimmjow for instance—catches me.

I think I'm stalking him.

I must be insane.

He doesn't have the slightest interest in me. I'm such a fool.

"_Crazy in love."_ Kyo taunts.

I can't answer him anymore. Before I used to snap that I wasn't—_in love that is_—which I most certainly am NOT! I used to think I was in love with my Captain…I was naïve then. I didn't know what real love was and I still don't. I want to believe it's just a phase. I want to believe I don't feel this burning ache inside that makes my breath short and my hands hurt from clenching them tightly to my sides.

I see him; he's with another.

I can't remember the name of that female. It escapes me just as I try to keep myself hidden. I don't want them to see me. They walk off. Together. I can't believe this. I refuse to believe it. I ran from my hiding place into the center of the hall, I looked down the one where they had disappeared, seeing them round the corner already. They're going to his Palace.

I couldn't think straight.

_What had I done wrong_?

I screamed. Ramming my fist into the wall.

I felt my wrist shake and droplets of red adorn my knuckles. The brief jolt of pain shot through my veins like an addictive drug. _Focus on the pain_. Ulquiorra doesn't know me. But I'm okay with that because I don't love him. He doesn't care for me. But I'm fine with that since I don't…

No one is around.

I hit my fist weakly against the stone edge and then lifted it bleeding to my mouth.

I can deny it all I want. I can say I don't. But I—

"You love him."

I was near to being startled with the familiar voice that spoke behind me.

"You're in love with that son of a bitch." He said it dully, lacking the usual forceful tones I'd come to expect from him. I turned my head, murmuring, "Grimmjow?"

_Had he seen me?_

"C'mon." he extended his hand.

I followed.

~*~

"I just don't understand it."

I stood facing him, his bed behind me. "Understand what?"

He looked me over with a glance filled with many things.

I knew what he meant. "I don't know why. But you—you need to—you need to understand. I'm not worth _this_! I don't deserve my place here—I don't…" I hesitated before finishing, "I don't deserve—" Grimmjow scowled, stepping toward me.

The thing is I couldn't finish. Not with him staring down at me with those teal eyes outlined in green, his hair in a line of floppy spikes crowning his head. I am a fool.

Hollows can't feel. They don't have their hearts. But I think that's a lie. They do _feel_.

_I've done everything wrong_.

He leaned down and kissed me.

_I should've let Captain Kyoraku kill me in the Eighth Company's barracks_.

His hands moved to my shoulders pushing me back.

_I should've resisted Kyo and taken back control over my body. And let Katenkyokotsu run red. _

I fell down on the bed. Grimmjow hovered over me, his hands slid to the zipper track of my dress. "Why?" I said emptily. _Why did I see what I wished in another's eyes rather than the one I wanted_? He stared down at me as if the answer was obvious. Then slowly he began to finish what he had started.

~*~

"I'll make you forget him."

He kissed me again and this time I responded.

~Grimmjow's p.o.v~

The door opened silently.

I tilted my face up; I'd been buried in her flowing hair, never breaking the contact between our bodies.

He was there, drinking in the sight of us.

She didn't see him. Her face was in my chest, her arms around my back.

"Grimmjow…" she said my name softly, exhaled in a breathy moan of pleasure.

I watched his expression. Reveling in the burning hate flickering through his green eyes.

He was angry.

I allowed a small smirk to curl my lips as I slid my hand through her hair possessively, holding her tighter as she writhed under me.

He left.

I had won.

~*~

AN: is Grimmy ruthless or what? Taking advantage of her fragile emotional state… ;) Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated.


	10. Feelings that don't come across

Behind the mask CH.10: Feelings that don't come across

Unfamiliar sheets met my eyes opening in the haze of what had happened. The room came into focus and the pillow beside me _shifted_. I groggily stared around unsure of where I was. The sheets were of a teal color that reminded of _someone_; these weren't mine.

My head turned to account for the grumbling/shifting bulk currently lying with a heavy arm across my abdomen.

I was naked.

Okay.

I don't usually sleep in the nude.

My clothes were tossed, if I bothered to look, on the floor beside the bed. I know, because I inched away and peeked discreetly, seeing with alarm my underwear draped neatly by the lamp on the bedside table.

My lower half ached.

Blink.

I am not in a strange bed lying between moist sheets.

Blink.

That is _not_ a head of teal hair lying scrunched up beside me.

Blink.

I need to wake up already.

Blink. Nothing's disappearing.

I DID NOT JUST HAVE SEX WITH GRIMMJOW!!!

"G'morning." Mumbled a sleepy voice by my elbow.

"_You did."_ Chimed in my inner-Hollow, _"and let me just say. It is NOT like the birds and the bees."_

"Shaddup!!!!!" roared Shunten, flying out of nowhere and head-butting him.

Oh my Gods. I did.

Grimmjow, oblivious to the tussle going on inside my mind, dragged me down from my sitting position, tilting my face to his and pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "Good morning, love." He said.

~*~

I am never going to live this down.

It doesn't help that I was seen scuttling out clandestinely from Grimm's room, my dress a little wrinkled and my hair mussy; otherwise _fine_. But oh no, it had to be Stark strolling down the hallway with Nnoitora in tow. They had been sent to wake up Grimm for the meeting which we were both late to.

I was just closing the damn door when a low whistle came up behind me.

When I turned to see who it was, Stark's raised brows and Nnoitora's leering grin made me want to sink into the floor. "Meeting." Stark said after a moment, surveying me slowly from head-to-toe and lingering_ irritatingly _on my lower half.

"Uh—sure." I said, clutching at the front of my coat keeping the ends closed.

_I wanted them to leave_.

"Is Grimmjow awake?"

I felt the heat rise on my cheeks at his probing look but managed to stutter a response, "how—how should I know?"

Stark sent me another look heavy with meaning; _don't think I'm an idiot_. _I know what you did._

At least that was how I was reading it.

"I uh—he um—"

"Is he any _good_?" Nnoitora interrupted with a gleam in his onyx eye.

"Lord Aizen _is_ waiting." Came yet a third voice with a hint of impatience. I shuddered to turn my guilty gaze to the slender black-haired Arrancar that had advanced silently in our midst. "Ulquiorra." Stark said looking mildly surprised. I felt cold eyes sweep past him to me.

My knees felt weak.

Then away.

I wasn't relieved. It was more of a dismissal then anything else. But…why should I care? Why should there be this knot of guilt twisting my insides when I know he cares nothing for me? _Because you love him_, something in me says. _And I know this was a mistake_, I admit.

I almost don't want to look at him. I nearly don't. But there is a part of me that hopes—however ridiculous it may be that I will _see_ something in his expressionless face. A spark of anger a look of disgust. But when I do, I'm disappointed. It's as unreadable and devoid of feeling as always. I know what I must do.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

She tilts her chin up, her gaze haughty as if I haven't seen her rutting with an animal. She says, "Shall we go? We mustn't keep our Lord waiting." I sense the mockery that belies her words and something within me stirs. I feel anger. It burns through my chest falling heavily into the pits of my stomach where it festers like an open wound.

I nod slightly, indicating that I have heard her. I turn to walk back the way I have come, thinking they will follow. She strolls past me. Her hand flipping through the thick waves of her hair leaving it ripple across her shoulders like a dark curtain. "What about Grimmjow?" Stark asked, not seeming to particularly care but otherwise attempting to complete his task.

Sakuya didn't spare him a glance, "he'll be along shortly." She said dismissively.

I wondered how she knew this.

Our footsteps meld together into a rhythmic tapping on the tile. My eyes having abstaining from wandering to her; disobeyed me now, roving over her stony profile. I could sense his reiatsu intertwined intimately within hers.

"Is something wrong, Schiffer?" she asked quietly, her gaze flickered over and held mine for a second. I was unable to read her expression. "I do not understand what you are referring to." I lied. Her glance was enough to send shivers up my spine.

"Don't you?"

Stark and Nnoitora were straining to hear our every word.

"This is not the time for this. We will speak later if you wish." I said curtly.

"Fine." She dismissed as if growing bored with me.

~*~

We sat across from one another. My Lord didn't seem so perturbed at the absence of one his Espada in the conspicuously empty chair beside Stark. The meeting commenced but I was unable to focus. Our Lord spoke and we appeared to listen.

He talked of many things.

Though I cannot recall most. My eyes were on him, but my mind was elsewhere in channels that went against my orders. I couldn't stop thinking about her. The image of them together ran in circles in my thoughts. I felt betrayed but why I did not know. It didn't seem realistic this sensation, because I didn't understand how she could have. I didn't care for her. I was convincing myself of this every waking moment. If I slept, I dreamt of nothing. I didn't dream her face for that I was relieved. I wouldn't be able to stand it if my every thought eventually turned to her.

There was a slight movement and I averted my gaze from my Lord. She was raising the mug of lightly steaming tea to her lips. Stark waggled his eyebrows at her and her mouth quirked up in response. No one in the Espada had ever tasted the tea served to us before each meeting. I sensed my Lord's attention caught and he too, awaited her reaction.

Her smile disappeared around the ring of the rim. After a moment she set it down and shrugged slightly, "it's not bad. Green tea with a hint of Lemongrass?" Lord Aizen nodded, in his chin propped in his hand. I noticed he seemed to be fond of gazing at her during moments of quiet when Director General Tosen was preparing a screen visual. A slight curl curved his lip during these times as it did now even though his tone was the same. _It could have been mistaken for a smile._

"Do you have anything to add, Enomoto-san?"

I was surprised. I had rarely ever heard him use her last name.

Her fine brow lifted and her hands played around the cup, folding contemplatively as she addressed him. "_Add_?" she echoed then her lips curved in the semblance of a faint smile. "Do you wish for my true opinion?"

My Lord tapped his fingers on the tabletop, spreading his palm out in her direction, "yes."

"I think…" she began after a moment of quietly studying his face, "that your plan is flawed."

Director General Tosen hissed something and Lord Aizen interceded, "let her speak. Go on." he smiled in a reassuring way to Sakuya. The rest of us held our breath. No one had ever questioned him before or even been asked to. _What would she say?_

"The Soul reapers—Soul society aren't foolish enough to risk a full on battle above the skies of that town. What I think is more likely…" she faltered, biting her lip. My Lord favored her with another look, "continue."

"They'll set a trap and divide their forces. They want to break apart ours and separate us and that can only be accomplished by trapping—oh say—the three strongest Espada. Then they'll just have a small force protecting the town and possibly even stage an attack here once they see the majority are somewhere else."

"How do you think this?" his gaze was fastened on her face, probingly.

"I well—you have to think like them. The place where Ulquiorra and Yammy landed, sustained some damage. They have to be thinking up ways to divert the destruction of that area if we were to assault them directly." She said, seeming to forget that Lord Aizen, Ichimaru and Tosen _were_ Soul reapers.

"That makes sense. I applaud your reasoning. However…" he stared her down with a penetrating look. "If your hypothesis is correct how would you say we could avoid falling into their trap?"

She chewed her lip thoughtfully then answered, "by calling a bluff. Going along with the invasion, letting them think we were sending in our strongest Espada but…they would really be fakes."

A frown creased Stark's brow, "how would we do that?"

She turned to us now, "take three Arrancars label them with numbers 1-through-3 and have the Soul reapers believe they were facing off with the most powerful. We stand back. They kill them easily, think it's over and head back to the town."

"And we follow and finish them up when their guard is down." Stark nodded. Even I could see some wisdom to this. My Lord also seemed pleased. "Very insightful, my dear. I must commend your powers of _subterfuge_ if such a situation were to present itself." She blushed delicately and quietly assented, "I am glad you didn't believe me too forthright, Aizen."

"No, no. Never." He beamed at her, "your theories are always welcome. In fact you remind me more of Ichimura-san than when I first met you." I caught her startled look before it was smoothed over into brooding silence. _That name_. I myself found it strange that it had the flavor of one I've heard _long ago_ but had forgotten. A strange sensation accompanied that thought, almost like a deep shrinking within my being as if something were recoiling, crawling away from my Lord's words.

_Run, Sa—_

I snapped to attention. Where had that come from? Certainly no one had spoken. I seemed to be the only one who had heard it. Everyone was standing; the meeting was over. Someone touched my shoulder and I glanced up. It was Sakuya beside my chair, looking down at me without the normal emotion I'd come to expect from her regarding me.

"Come on. Were you day-dreaming or something?"

"I don't dream." I said flatly, moving out from under her hand and pushing my chair back. I wondered if Grimmjow was going to be punished and found myself faintly euphoric at the thought. She observed my expression, "what're you thinking about?" I stepped away from the table, ignoring her question. I walked toward the doors, to my surprise she followed.

"Penny for your thoughts." She offered as we went out. I thought her mood change abrupt. The woman went from arrogant and haughty to mild and friendly. We were reflective of one thing or the other. Never of the two more evocative of being from the so-called heart.

I puzzled this even as her starkly yellow eyes studied me, keeping near apace as the first time we walked down the halls of Las Noches together. The reminder didn't bode so well for me. At the turn in the corridor that diverged in two separate ways, heavy footsteps met us.

"Is it over already?" Grimmjow boomed, the hands that had held her so closely during the night, rested cockily on each hip. "You snooze you lose." She said playfully and his grin changed into a leer. "Oh yeah? Well what did I miss out on? Could you_ fill me _in?"

I knew he was going to reach for her, pull her close; I didn't want to see it.

"Lord Aizen wished for us both to carry out a mission. We mustn't be delayed any longer." I marveled at myself, the lie spilling eagerly from my tongue. Grimmjow glanced from her to me, knowing there was nothing he could say. He hadn't been there. _If she called me on it…_

"Oh that's right!" She smiled up at him, "sorry, Grimm. Ulquiorra's right. We'd better go."

I don't know if he sensed something or not, but when he next spoke, there was a hint of suspicion in his tone. "Where are you _going_?"

"Forest of the Menos." She said readily. "Aizen wanted us to scout out some Vasto Lordes. See if we can build up the army some more."

He didn't doubt her.

"Be careful then." He said to her, to me his eyes narrowed into hard slits, "let something happen to her and I'll fucking kill you." I glanced at him unafraid. _Don't worry. I won't_. Instead I murmured softly to him, "if she allowed herself to be hurt then she isn't worthy of her position."

He growled.

I walked after her.

~*~

We Sonido'd for a while across the dunes, away from Las Noches. When she came to a stop I did as well, going to rest beneath a monolith of white rock emerging from the sand. She folded herself down neatly, one knee upraised. _I wasn't sure why we were out here_. I had lied to get her alone, away from Grimmjow. Away from my Lord, I would be punished severely if he was told of this.

"Ulquiorra."

I didn't lift my gaze from the stretch of white sand beneath my feet.

"We don't have to talk."

I lived in silence. I would never speak another word if I could have it this way.

She sat and I stood near her, two beings reveling in the sense of just being. No words between us. No appearances of deceit acted out for the sake of another. _This was how it was before_. Las Noches seemed more of a prison of four walls than the desolate world we occupied. Here I felt nothing as before but in that void…I touched above my empty chain of fate hidden by the fabric of my white uniform.

"We should go." She said, standing up.

It could have been ten minutes or an entire day. I didn't know anymore, I just wanted it to never end. But that was an illusion. Reality was Las Noches. And we had to go back to it.

~*~

I lied down on my bed in my solitary room. All was quiet. It wasn't the same. This was a quiet born of one being alone not of two in mutual silence. She had left me going in search of Grimmjow. I stared after her back, filled with a want that couldn't be spoken in words.

Want? No.

It's nothing so primitive as that. The others want what they do not have anymore. A possession of warmth of being; I do not know if this is a manifestation of the heart, I only see them and their want of her. It isn't the same. I wonder if she feels the same for me. Confusion bred of her choices, whether for good or ill. She came for me. She fought that day with Stark while I stood there unknown in the multitude gathered to watch the bloodletting. I felt nothing watching her thrown around like a doll, lying broken on the stairs.

I watched with eyes that saw beyond what she was. I already knew she had come for me. So it came as no surprise when my Lord called me forth or when her eyes deepening, losing the sickly yellow tinge stared at me with irises of pale brown. I realize now it was the human part of her wresting some control back from the Hollow inside.

Her pain was like a drug.

I saw the ache flicker like a ripple disturbing the hope of a calm pond. I thought her a fool. She should never have come here. Even now I can summon that image of her face from the many others recorded by my eyes. I feel it as I view it. Her face darkening in despair, I relish this, knowing I have caused it.

-But there is always another-

She finds consolation in Grimmjow.

I envy him.

I know he can give her what I cannot.

Despair is the only thing I _can_ give.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

_I want to think there was something to it._

My hand made a solitary path across the steamed up mirror, my face reflected back at me. Pale-cheeked with clinging wet strands of dark hair. My eyes were dull, dispirited.

_No. I need to believe. _

I lowered the thick weave towel from my body. My gaze was instantly drawn to the black number adorning my breast. Beneath it my heart beat fast and strong. I had lied to him about Grimmjow. I wanted to gain a response but as before. It never came. Was I just being stupid? An idiot who couldn't give up on something that no longer existed? Possibly didn't even exist in the first place?

_I love Ulquiorra._

_I know that now._

_I love Grimmjow almost as fervently. _

_Where is the line between the two?_

Slowly I began dressing.

_Grimmjow cares for me, Ulquiorra doesn't_.

Okay. That's a start. I mean why would he? If he doesn't remember Hueco Mundo how could he recall me, weakling that I am. One's worth is foremost in his mind; someone he deems unworthy in his eyes is trash. I think I fall someplace between _annoyance and fool_. _Not yet trash_. At least I hope not.

I finished dressing and padded into my room in stockings. A pair of sandals resided near the door in case I needed to go out later. I laid down on the bed at an angle, my feet dangling over the edge. _I liked to dream_, I'll admit. _I liked to think of my parents' faces, my mother and father with lined faces that became wreathed in smiles when they saw me. I would be returning home. I would tell them there was somebody that I wanted them to meet and Ulquiorra would enter hesitantly. He would be a Soul reaper of course. Handsome and kind, they would see at once why I loved him._

_If I stretched my imagination further, Kosuke would be there. Happy and smiling as always. She would tell me what a catch I had found and I would tell her that I wished she could be as happy as me one day…_

_Sometimes it was Grimmjow with me._ _Stark would accompany us to be introduced to Kosuke and_…

I rolled over on my side

_There was no Las Noches or Espada or Hollows. We were all one big happy family. _

My throat tightened. It wasn't real though. It was just a fantasy.

~*~

The door began inching open.

I should have locked it.

_Probably Grimm or…_

"Come in." I said aloud. The door stopped as if whoever it was froze. I waited a moment then twisted around on my elbows.

"Ul-Ulquiorra?"

~*~

AN: Next chapter diverges back into the Manga with Grimm's raid in the living world. I'm not sure if it makes sense or not, but the more she evolved into the Hollow side, her eyes became yellow and when it was her Human side more prevalent, the eye color wavered back into the original brown. Thanks for reading. :) Reviews—not flames—are always appreciated. :)


	11. Chapter 11 Speak

Behind the mask CH.11: Speak

His eyes were deep, dark and unfathomable like two burning pits. He looked the same as always, the way my mind pictured him. I didn't have long to wonder about the fleeting look I saw pass over his face. I didn't want him to go when I sensed he was. "Stay." I ordered.

He obliged me silently. The door closing and him before it, hands in pockets. He was waiting for me to say something. Say anything. I wondered if I asked him what his true reasons were for coming here if he would answer me. I thought probably not. Ulquiorra wasn't the kind to allow emotions to override his sense of duty. Duty being to Aizen. Master and servant. Him and I. Just what were we?

Me on the bed and him less than four feet away. One would think the space between us infinite. It seemed the more I tried reaching for him, the farther he went. Our eyes met, our expressions betrayed nothing. This could have been another chance meeting between soldiers united under one banner then two disparate but…one person in love while the other is not.

An unpleasant writhing thing squirmed in my belly. I felt cold all over. His gaze was on me, unrepentant, cold, and merciless. I understood then that if I had been anyone but who I was at this moment; he would spare me nothing. It would cost him not an ounce of remorse to see me lying on the bed slashed from throat to breast, my lifeblood seeping out. The realization made me disgusted and hurt. Inside I had dared to believe this was something. That he had purposely sought me out this time as earlier.

Miserable though I was, I was sure my face betrayed nothing

"What is Grimmjow to you?"

_Okay_. _Huh_?

That was definitely something I hadn't expected. "My lover," I said without thinking.

"Why not the Primera? He is better suited in rank to you." He said logically. My eyebrows rose, "so you'd prefer to see me leaving Stark's bed?"

"I'm sure it would not go against Lord Aizen's wishes if a child were to be born of your union. I cannot say how if La Sexta were the father." His eyes lingered on my hips. I felt a furious blush rise. "A baby?! You're telling me I should have a baby with Stark!!!?" I flew from the bed, my hand connecting with his face.

"You heartless bastard! Can't you see how much I lo—"

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

I wanted her to finish.

I lifted my hand and laid it against her wrist, tightening in a narrow circle above the bone. "Would you feel any better if I told you I lied? That I want no one for you?" _Only myself_. "That I despise Grimmjow and the thought of you satiating primal lust with that animal fills me with utter disgust for you?"

Her face was a frozen mask. Then slowly color flooded her cheeks and she struck me. "Release me!" She wrenched her free hand back and I caught it as well, yanking her wrists high. She squirmed and tried to kick out but I calculated this and thrust her against the wall.

"Finish." I leaned in, my breath ghosting along her mouth, "what you were saying."

"You don't deserve it."

I grazed her lobe with my teeth, nuzzling her hair, "say it."

"N-no." I felt her weaken. "What is it that you want?"

"Say you hate me." Our faces were inches from one another. Her eyes were searching mine. I thought I felt a soft murmur. _But I don't_. "Say it," I said again, resting my forehead against hers. Even if it's only a lie, I don't care. If I heard it from her lips than I could sever this feeling growing inside me. She made me feel. This was unwanted. I only needed to be the perfect warrior for my Lord; nothing else mattered.

"I…hate you…Ulquiorra." It sounded defeated, bitter.

I knew she had said it because I had told her to.

But I felt empty. Consumed with an ache that couldn't be described in words. It was better this way, for both of us. No longer would I follow her, burning with alien feelings. We would be as we were; two warriors united under the same banner. "Good girl," I allowed myself to kiss each corner of her mouth; her pale face with eyes glistening with unshed tears stared back at me.

It had the quality of a goodbye.

The same as when I first awoke in Las Noches.

They told me _I had_ killed her. Blood covered me, what was I to believe?

Her face then and now; blurry gaze washed by a refusal of tears, every line of anguish and pain etched in a single second in my memory. Forever. I turned to leave.

"Ulquiorra, I—" she stiffened, her gaze seeing past my stationary figure to the one looking in from the open doorway. She gasped, "Grimmjow!"

I had known the fool was there, watching as I had done that night.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I had to fix this.

I had to talk to him.

Gods! How could I have been so stupid!? _I should have locked the door_.

He wasn't here.

Director General Tosen had just left; he was going to the living world. _I'm afraid_. I can't find D-Roy or Shawlong anywhere. I think he took them. They're going to be punished. I can't let that happen. It was my fault Grimmjow did this. I have to—Gods—what was I going to say?

"_Just tell him, it was all Ulquiorra's fault—"_

'SHUTUPKYO!!!!!!!!!!'

"_No need to bite my head off."_ My inner-Hollow shrugged nonchalantly, _"just trying to help you, Mistress."_

"WELL YOU'RE NOT!!!" Too late I realized I had shrieked aloud. A group of Arrancars skirted me with wide frightened eyes and shaking steps. "Sorry!" I called after them and they flinched scuttling away even faster. _I had to_—I began pacing again. Something flared like a wave of enraged energy to the right. I spun around and knew. _They were back_. None the others were there, only Grimmjow and…Tosen.

His anger nauseated me as I drew nearer the Throne room. Outside I met Ulquiorra, barely even flicking a glance his way. I had to mend what I had done before I dared contemplate what had transpired last night._ I hate you_. My heart ached as I turned from him and entered as an after thought brushing my hand across my face. I wore my mask in.

They stood beneath Aizen's throne not far apart from one another.

"Well? Aren't you going to apologize, Grimmjow?" Tosen's voice was gravelly, deep reflective of a refined cruelty. Grimmjow looked ahead, boredom in his stance, "no." I quickly glanced around, as I suspected _no one else_. _Where were they_?

"Why should he?" I stepped forward, striding confidently forward as the Director general was about to speak again. "Enomoto…" he breathed dangerously. I smirked with a boldness I didn't feel, "if I may, my Lord?" I addressed to Aizen's bemused look.

He waved his hand.

"Yesterday after the meeting," I began; _I hoped he wouldn't interrupt. _"Grimmjow and the gang and I were talking—smack. We were discussing that Soul reaper kid in the living world and I said that I bet Grimmjow couldn't beat him. He got riled up and said he could and Ilforte backed him up." I was hoping I had guessed right. From Tosen's tight mouth compressed into a fine line, I thought I had. I gained courage, "well! The whole thing just escalated and they stomped off and today—"

"You. It was _you_." It was no question.

"Yes." I admitted cheerfully, my hand on my hip. Grimmjow was looking at me now astounded. _Don't give it away, idiot_! I took a breath and steeled myself, "you should punish me, my Lord. I'm deeply sorry to have caused this trouble and I repent of it bitterly. But _I_ am to _blame_."

I saw his hand tighten on Suzumushi. "Take your mask off."

_What_? _He wants to read my expression. He thinks I'm lying. No…he can't see. My mask is like a barrier, disguising my voice_.

I waved my hand in front of my face, revealing my slight self-assured smile.

He had seen enough.

I only heard Grimm's warning and a flash of silver and vibrant sickly gleam of red cleave through my upper arm. Something bounced and struck the floor with a wet plop. Tosen withdrew Suzumushi and neatly sheathed it, satisfied.

I gasped, my body crumpling over my solar plexus.

"Son of a bitch…" Grimmjow said faintly.

"Insolence was your crime. This was your punishment."

My eyes rolled upward to his smug figure half-turned my way. I felt the coils of my reiatsu gathering and cells multiplying. Below my hand pressed to my bare shoulder, I regenerated. "If you're done interrogating Grimmjow," I said loudly, "then we're going to go."

Gin had seen me during my fight with Stark; heal past the normal capacity. Tosen hadn't. Perhaps he hadn't believed them but now I was sure he did. I clapped his shoulder lightly with my new arm, "all done, Director General?"

I think he was at a loss for words.

But what could he say? I had been punished according to him and if I bore no real scars who cared? Aizen didn't. With a slight nod we were let go.

~*~

"Does it…hurt?"

"No."

We were walking along the hallway to his room. Every few seconds he asked the same thing…

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"

"Of course I'm sure."

_It was sweet really. Him worrying like that. I mean who knows what he thought after last night…_

"Does it hurt?"

"Uh huh." My face took on a pained look.

_His expression made it all worth it._

"Really?! Do you need Szayel for some pills?"

I observed him quietly for a moment then shook my head, "uh-uh. It's doesn't hurt."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Grimm…what happened to the boys?" I looked away.

"Dead. Soul reapers got'em."

"I see…"

~Third person p.o.v~

"You're a cruel man…letting Tosen do that to her."

Aizen glanced to the silver-haired man in the shadows, "eavesdropping, Gin?"

"You knew what he would do…" Ichimaru trailed off delicately.

"Kaname is worthy. But misguided. Even he doesn't know the entire truth."

"Oh?"

The ex Captain surveyed the other mildly, "you'll know soon enough. Just a little longer…" he looked out over the bleak world with the face of one long consumed in mind, "until _everything_ falls into place."

_Kosuke…_

~To be continued~*

Note: Thanks for reading. I'd had the majority of this CH in mind for months. :) Reviews—not flames—are always appreciated. :)


	12. Chapter 12 Never an Absolution

Behind the mask CH.12: Never an absolution

I don't know what to think any more.

When I see him a part of me wants to reach out, look into his eyes. Touch his hand. Even if a gathering of the others surrounds me, during meetings before we're called to order, whenever our gazes meet even if it's just by chance I feel as though we're the only ones in the room.

I can't look away. I don't want to. Sometimes it's like I'm lost, drowning in the pools of dark green, wanting, oh always wanting more. I've tried; honestly I have. This—it's tearing me apart. It would be easier if I didn't see him everyday, if Aizen hadn't made us—him especially—associate with me. You see we were given the task of training some of the weaker Arrancars in areas they were deficient in.

I saw Ulquiorra's dislike for having to be so close to me as we crossed swords while they watched. I could almost believe it's entirely in my head, a figment of my own delusions that it's only an act. But there are instances that make me think that there's something else behind his mask of servility to Aizen.

He cut me across the forearm and palm, coldly telling me I was clumsy. In anger I feinted real harm and let him think he had the advantage. His downfall came moments later when Shunten's tip was poised inches above his jugular, his blade against my scabbard as a guard.

"_And she's still got it!"_ Kyo cheered sportscaster lingo in my mindscape.

I smiled slightly. Ulquiorra pulled away as I did, correct in his stiff bow to me as dueling partners. I imitated him, sheathing my Zanpaku-to. My arm had healed, but my hand still bled.

A while later I was trying to stop the bleeding by applying gauze pads to the seeping gash. I thought I was alone in that part of the underground training grounds until I sensed someone watching me. Looking up I was surprised to find it was him; standing motionless beyond the circle of the above head light.

"Well? What're you staring at?" I snapped after a moment of our eyes meeting. My hand ached and I wondered why Kyo hadn't healed it yet. _Surely it was causing him pain as it did me_? I glowered as Ulquiorra silently drew near. He took my hand, turning my palm up. He scanned it with a detached look and at once began soothing a ball of queerly smelling ointment along the wound.

I flinched once under his careful probing only then did he speak.

"Leave it on. The pain should cease."

I was confused. _Why was he doing this_? Finished with his ministrations, he slipped his hands into his pockets and began to walk away. I stared after him for a moment, something that I had long curbed stirring within me. "Ulquiorra—" I started, taking a step.

"Say nothing." He said curtly. I halted, letting him go.

~*~

After that I seemed to inspire certain disgust in him, as he couldn't bear to look at me even if I stood before him or coming face-to-face in the hallways while attending to regular duties. I couldn't understand him. What was he trying to accomplish by seeking me out one day and then another ignoring me as I'm nothing?

Sometimes laying my scarred hand against my heart, I wondered if I ripped it out and became like them if I would feel as much hurt seeing him turn away. When I looked out at the sky and thick bone-white moon shining so distantly above Las Noches once…

_I wished I never had loved him_.

I said it quietly, only a whisper in the still night. I felt better, pressing my forehead against the cool round pane. If I closed my eyes the dull luminescence of the moonlight burned brightly behind my eyelids. It felt at that moment that I could forget him, cast off the deadened part of me that gaped like a never-ending void inside my heart.

_It didn't have to be him_.

_I could love another_…

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

She was looking out; gazing at the night sky through the small-paned window. Little light fell on her face and absent hand running through her hair. She didn't sense me standing in the shadowy corridor, my eyes on her. It had the quality of a dream, a kind I hadn't indulged in or ever hoped for. A moment caught in time, spun by the thin moonlight and weave of darkness wrapped around us. I felt a thrill, a sense of cautiousness tempered by another deeper more arcane feeling that I couldn't decipher.

I knew any moment someone could break this solitude.

So fragile it seemed that I hesitated to make my presence known though the desire for physical contact was overwhelming. I ached to touch her. Watching from a distance never satisfied me. My hands balled in the pockets of my Hakama. _To show anything above what my Lord_…

She whispered something.

I stiffened.

Her smile was for the moon only.

~*~

I dreamt that night, her face pale like an oval cameo, straight strands of dark hair clinging to her cheeks. Her eyes were brown flecked with green; they stared at me glistening with the sheen of withheld tears. There was no mask, no Hollow looking out at me through those eyes. Her expression was her own, terror and shame and another stronger emotion that made my chest ache seeing it reflected on her face. Hate.

The world we were in was one of quiet darkness, above a sky of wintery gray. Silence reigned broken only as a single word fell from her lips.

"Despair."

The voice was alto. Unfamiliar.

I awoke in my room. That wasn't _her_ voice.

~*~

I went about my tasks the next day with more than half my attention consumed by the night's dream. _Despair_. My Lord had named me thus. I represented hopelessness. I wondered what she represented. Had he told her?_ Hope_? I ventured a guess. It didn't take much to see how they all admired and coveted her attention. She was free with it to everyone.

_Not…with…you._ A voice whispered tauntingly in my mind.

I paused in my thoughts, listening.

_She…doesn't…love…you_. There was a smirk in the voice that I found hard to countenance.

It was a female. Familiar.

_Doesn't need you_…I knew at once where I had heard it: in my dream. I scowled, probing mentally for the source of such a recollection but could only come up with one connection. A soul of one I had eaten was stirring…but…why?

And—

"Hey." The weight of a hand lay on my shoulder, halting my steps. I turned to see her face inches from my own, smiling slightly. "I was looking for you. Aizen wants us to scout for more Vasto Lordes in Hueco Mundo."

I recalled my former lie and my expression didn't waver.

Around others in Las Noches I remembered my place. Alone, the desire to submit to my instincts came near to overpowering my self-control. I wondered if she saw my apprehension for she leaned in even closer, whispering, "I would say I didn't need your help if I thought you wouldn't get into trouble for not carrying out orders. If you want we could split ways once we get outside, no one would be the wiser."

~*~

I watched her scan the dunes and desert for spirit pressures above the norm.

She took a few tentative steps toward the north then halted, chagrined.

"Nothing." She muttered, shrugging to me. We had come farther than before to a wasteland of few skeletal trees and flat lowlands of sandy valleys. She paced back and forth then stopped, her eyes closing to once again try and pick up on anything she might've missed.

Involuntarily I moved. I hadn't been freed of this as I had thought. Last night had reawakened it. I didn't want her to forget me. My hands left my pockets and my arms folded around her body. I sensed her stiffen and glimpsed the shock in her eyes. I wondered if this was how Grimmjow felt when he took her and held her close. Completion.

After a while, she leaned into me, resting her head against my shoulder. I never wanted to let her go. Everything fell away. Loyalty and restriction became no more. We just were. Her heart beat steady against my chest, becoming a part of me. I could almost feel mine though long gone beating beside hers.

"Sakuya…" I was almost surprised at the depth held in my quiet voice speaking her name. It was as if she removed the white Palace from my thoughts and all that it entailed. I was no longer empty. I could be whole with her in my arms.

~*~

I had no fear of discovery in this place.

We were alone.

The way I wanted.

~Third person p.o.v~

"I see…so they're alone."

Gin nodded, leaning contemplatively against the opposite wall. "What I don't get is why all this elaborate planning for…" he grew silent as Aizen raised his hand.

"Revenge, Gin. Pure and simple." The ex Captain of fifth Division smirked, turning his gaze back to the surveillance image of the Arrancar and Vizard embracing. Soon they would break apart and come back. Back only to the despair that waited with lonely arms. _Such was there fate_, he mused. Knowing full well his loyal Arrancar would feel the binding chains tight around him once again and repeat the same actions over and over again.

He smiled benevolently as they reveled in quiet peace.

Unaware of the cruelty, fate had in store for them.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~ Prior to Orihime being taken to Las Noches

Everything seemed frozen. Inertia shackled us and held us fast to a point of frigid solidness to the roles were to play. Unable to move beyond our own insecurities we seemed forever caught in the motions of play rewind, replay.

Ulquiorra ignored me so I turned to another. Now Grimmjow and Stark. Both were company to me outside of the room and between the sheets. It didn't escape me the irony of what he had suggested to me before. _Stark as more suiting me in rank._ I told him so once and he laughed before loosing whatever rousing I had managed to coax out of him before sex.

Sometimes I did what Lilynette suggested on _how-to-wake-up-a–sleeping-La Primera_.

It always worked if you count being flipped onto your back and made love to in a eyes half-lidded drowse. Sleep never interrupted his lovemaking. Though Stark did tend to frighten me a little by whispering encouraging words to his seed. I think he kept hoping I might have a baby.

_Scary thought_.

Grimm was the same. Gentleness wouldn't appear at first glance to belong to his nature, trash-talking one instant and then the next when we were alone, pressing light kisses to my cheeks and lips. He was gentle in a way I wouldn't have credited. I was never forced into intimacy; it was always gradual easing into passionate nights, tangled in each other's arms.

I suspect in his own way, he wished I would get pregnant. Once I overheard him asking Szayel all sorts of questions about conceiving and the likelihood of a child being born from the union of an Arrancar and a—here he hesitated—_hybrid_.

I could see the pink-haired scientist's confusion. So I left quickly afraid of what I'd hear. _Sure I was a woman. Yeah I'd never had a child…but_…frowning I pressed my palm against my flat stomach. Soul reapers don't age like normal humans, as Hollows don't either. Hypothetically it was possible I supposed for a child to be born from the two opposing races.

Not that I wanted there to be. _Though neither…would make a bad father_, I decided thinking further along that particular train of thought. _Another thing occurred to me. Had Ulquiorra queried the same of Szayel? _

But I digress. The beginning of the end came innocuous enough…it started with the birth of an Arrancar. Wonderweiss Margera. The crystalline cube surrounding the small child-like Arrancar broke apart with Aizen standing nearby, the Breakdown sphere in hand; we watched from above.

Orders were issued. Four were to be dispatched to the living world while one, I, was to travel through the Dangai to intercept a certain Human, Aizen was interested in. It was assumed since I was former Soul reaper I wouldn't have much trouble accomplishing this. I must admit I wasn't too enthused.

We were to depart immediately.

~To be continued~

Note: Thanks for reading and there will be some _implied_ Ulquihime upcoming tho' 'cause this is Ulquioc ah well…can't give away too much. And another thing I forgot to mention in a few paragraphs back there was that Stark and Grimm knew of each other. :P except Stark always insisted that he be first—get my drift?

No flames please. Reviews are always appreciated. :) See you soon.


	13. Chapter 13 A heart in the hand

Behind the mask CH. 13: A heart in the hand

~*~

The corridor I walked down was quiet. I had gone my separate way after wishing Grimmjow and the others luck. I hoped none would be wounded. Grimm especially was excited about going since he hoped to resume the battle with that orange-haired Soul reaper sub. Last time he had received a massive burn scar across his chest and refused to let _me_ remove it.

Stubborn Hollow.

My thoughts were interrupted by a soft tap-tap of footsteps coming up behind me. I didn't have to turn around because I knew who it was. "Ulquiorra…what're you doing here?" My voice sounded tired indeed I felt so after leaving one bed for another's. "I don't need your censure right now." I didn't want to face his accusing stare and cold words. The sooner my task was accomplished the sooner I could retire to my room.

With that thought in mind I was unheedful of him overtaking me.

Something brushed my hand, feather light against my slightly curled palm. He went past me, striding ahead. "I will bring Orihime Inoue here." I stared after him, "it isn't your mission." I was more preoccupied with the reasoning behind my palm being caressed let alone the tiny hard thing that resided in my cupped hand.

Ulquiorra half-turned, glancing back at me, "your competency is misleading. Perhaps one day, they will realize you are just like them. _Trash_."

That was a first. Stunned, I couldn't move until his white clad figure had vanished from sight down the corridor and then I flung with all my might whatever lay in my sweating palm. It sharply struck the floor then bounced upward, skittering to a stop inexplicably at my feet. I looked down. It was a tiny piece of quartz probably from one of the trees outside, formed roughly in the shape of…a lighting bolt?

I bent and stretched out hesitant fingers to it. I brought it close to my face, turning it over in my hands. _I couldn't understand_. _Had he meant this…as a gift_? I thought of my Zanpaku-to and smiled a little. _Thunder. Lightning_. It was quite fitting if looked at that way_. A gift_, I mused. I wouldn't have thought so with his words to me.

_Trash. Why call me something he didn't associate me by? Unless he meant it…but then why…why give me this_?

"_You're readin' too much into this, doll."_ Kyo interposed suddenly.

I started, having quite forgotten my inner-Hollow's presence or _lack of it_.

'Says who?' I managed to retort after a moment of quiet mulling. I didn't want him to know so soon my decision to keep it.

"_Says me. Look. You're between two-um-Arrancars who care for you deeply—"_

'Even Stark?' I asked suspiciously.

Kyo nodded. _"And still you're going after this other who isn't worth the time of day. Trust your inner-Hollow,"_ he nodded again, _"I know what I'm saying. If you continue down this path only bitterness and sorrow awaits you and him."_

Bitterness? Sorrow? What did he mean? I was already miserable and angry. I just couldn't sever him completely from me even if I wanted to…I was in love. There was nothing to it. As long as I felt, my foolish heart made me hope. I still truly believed we had a chance to make things right. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to look into his eyes and see what I saw reflected in Grimmjow's. Love.

"_Diseased love is all you'll ever get."_ Kyo muttered dourly.

I ignored him. I was to regret this for the rest of my life.

~*~

She was placed under his care. A young orange-haired girl in school uniform with frightened doe-eyes. I despised her immediately. I can't say why. She was taken to a room with a single high barred window that looked out over Hueco Mundo. She could see the moon from there.

I stayed at a distance, observing him as he entered her room. She had just been taken an Arrancar uniform and was expected to put it on. Against my better judgment I crept closer, curious to hear him speak to her.

"That looks…quite good on you."

I froze. He stood in the doorway, looking in at her. Unconsciously my hand touched the indentation of the lightning bolt beneath the fabric of my dress. _He'd never said anything like that to me. _The girl gasped, I heard his annoyance at her reaction. I saw him enter, the door closing behind him but before it did…he glanced back, a sneer curving his mouth.

~(*~

I was staring into the mirror. My face was wan, dark shadows beneath my eyes enlarged them lending me the quality of a frightened child's look. Only my lips remained a perfect petal pink, curved and slightly parted. I brushed my finger under each eye, tracing the line of a smeared droplet down each, painting my face as his was.

What had transpired earlier, just the faintest thought of it made me shudder and drop my arms to my belly cradling myself. I'd like to believe in my heart, what remained of it beating inside me. I glanced down at the battered scabbard of the Shunten-Satsu lying on the small wicker cabinet beside the folded bath towels. But I knew. As Kyo did.

I had no heart anymore.

~*~

My hand was tight on the scabbard of my Zanpaku-to. The door opened soundlessly, betraying nothing of my entry. He had left an hour ago and I had been waiting for half of that for the coast to be clear. I didn't want to be caught entering into her room, not when he had taken my mission from me and my task, I assume she would have been in my care if not for his interference.

"_Sounds like someone's got the green eyes of jealousy,"_ whispered a soft taunting voice in my head. I didn't bother responding to Kyo's not so subtle taunts. Once inside the room, I slid my Zanpaku-to forward, removing my eyes from her motionless figure standing beneath the window. With my reiatsu sealed she couldn't sense me.

_It would be fast and silent_.

The words for my Bankai release were on my tongue; my fingers eased a slice of gleaming tang out.

_She would die by my hand_.

The girl sighed. My body went numb. _What the hell was I doing_? My eyes dropped down to the stance I had seamlessly fallen into. One slash, one word more and—I couldn't bear to think of what I had been about to do. I must've made some sort of noise or sound for suddenly she began to turn. Alarmed, I quickly hid my Zanpaku-to behind my back.

"Who…who are you?" she had a soft voice and delicate features that I thought made mine look coarse. _"Ever heard the expression, you're beautiful the way you are?"_ my inner-Hollow muttered. I ignored him, striding forward. "Cero Espada, Sakuya Enomoto, Miss?"

"Orihime Inoue." She replied though we all knew her name; I freed one hand and held it out to her.

"Nice to meet you, Inoue-san." I said with a smile of welcome. Something cracked inside of me.

~*~

I'll let him go.

I know it sounds presumptuous of me, making it seem as though we actually had something. I was _his_, but he was never _mine_. You see I hear everything, all the things whispered about in Las Noches. He's changing. Everyone can see that. They say it's because of her. He spends his time with her more than among us, the Espada. He leaves the meetings in a hurried, abrupt manner, never saying a word to any of us. He's falling for her.

That was what I last heard.

I can't take this.

~(*~

"Ulquiorra." I had followed him to the hallway outside her room. There was only one thing left I would try. I smiled at him as genuine as I could make it. He stopped at my approach and waited, I could see the impatience in the tense set of his body. "You know…" I began hopeful but the longer I stood before him. I knew.

"What do you want?" his voice was quiet.

"I just—"

"Do not bother explaining yourself, trash."

"What?" I stared at him.

"Nothing of importance could ever come from that mouth of yours."

I blinked. My mask smiled while a tear rolled down my cheek. My hand crept around my neck; yanking in one swift motion the hemp cord I had fastened the stone upon. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to give this back to you. That's all." I thrust it at him, ignoring the burning liquid seeping beneath my eyelids. He wouldn't take it. Somehow I knew he wouldn't.

I opened my hand, "give my regards to Inoue-san, won't you?" The pendant fell between us. I went back the way I had come.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

The stone was cold in my fingers, the cord dangled loosely between. I slipped it into my pocket, meaning to deal with it later. The woman looked up at me as I entered, a slight, sad smile on her face. "You shouldn't have said that, Ulquiorra." She kindly reprimanded. I watched her blankly as she stood from the sofa and paced back to the window, but facing me.

"Sakuya-san isn't trash." Her eyes were keen on me, her manner reserved, knowing she had said enough. I looked away, though the color of their eyes was different, it almost felt as if _she_ was accusing me. _But my Vizard would never do that_.

"She was smiling. She didn't appear hurt by what I said." My words remained, seeming to hang in the air. The woman shook her head, disagreeing. "_You_ may not see it…"

I didn't understand. _My eyes saw everything. How could I not discern her face behind the mask_? I thought of what she had said, ripping what I had given her from her neck._ I saw her holding it out, her smile frozen in place but something in her eyes had bothered me_. It wasn't hurt. I had seen it enough to recognize that particular emotion. Nor pain for her voice was steady.

"Ulquiorra?" the woman was observing me. She had noted my silence. "Ulquiorra…" she tried again, her features taking on a sympathetic cast. "I can't help you if you're not able to realize what you're doing to her."

I stared at her blankly. The woman sighed then her hand rose from her side, "it's like this. If you love someone…you don't hurt them. Sakuya-san doesn't deserve to be pulled one way and then stabbed another; you need to understand…Ulquiorra. One day," she looked at me sadly, "she might not forgive you."

_Forgive me_? I left her room and traveled deep in thought up the hallway. _Forgive me for what_? _She had to know my words were empty. I didn't mean all I had said_, _it was only for my Lord's sake that I had done it_. _She would have to be very foolish in order to not understand that_. My fingers touched upon the pendant in my pocket. _Humans gave each other things. I had to return this_.

The door marked with a zero was closed. Briefly I considered knocking then decided it best if I left it outside. I was sure she would wear it again once she found it. That thought somehow made me feel a flicker of warmth inside.

~Sometime later~

"You love her, don't you?" The woman had her back to me; she was forever watching the moon. I thought of another place, another time with a different person. I sighed. This was what I had worked for…this was the culmination of everything she had taught me…_about the heart_.

"Yes." I was quiet.

Orihime turned around, smiling happily now. "Practice one more time on me. Then…_you_ tell her." She seemed almost giddy, brimming to the full with a happiness I barely felt. We approached one another and she held her hands out, I slipped mine into hers. "Now say it." She commanded.

"I love you." I said.

She beamed. "I love you too, Ulquiorra." In a burst of affection she threw her arms around me in a brief embrace. The door closed quietly behind us.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I was watching them. Ulquiorra and Orihime. I can't say why I crept to the door, hesitantly placing my eye against the crack. "I love you," he said to her. She smiled and threw her arms around him, "I love you too, Ulquiorra." There it was. A confession. Numbly I turned away, my hand pushing on the panels of the door, closing it.

I had no right intruding on such a private scene.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

"I'm so proud of you!" Orihime cried, she let me go and clasped her hands together whirling around. "Now all that's left is for you to tell her!" I didn't understand her excitement. "I can't." I declined flatly; her brows drew up. "Why not?"

"My Lo—"

"Just tell her." Orihime insisted stubbornly.

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I know what I have to do.

He looked at me today like he wanted to say something but didn't.

I have something I want to say as well.

Once I do…I can move on.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

I almost said it. But I…couldn't.

She glanced at me and then away, walking on down the hall.

_I love you_. Was it so hard to say?

"Ulquiorra," Ichimaru came up to me, his smile had slipped a little into confusion; "Lord Aizen wants to speak with you."

~To be continued~

AN: Orihime was at Las Noches a little longer than in the manga, meaning that the guys hadn't come to rescue her yet. :P See what I mean at the hint of Ulquihime? Sakuya just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. But really…the worst hasn't been told yet. After next chapter, you'll wonder what it could be. :) Thanks for reading-no flames or idiotic spammers—but reviews are appreciated! :)


	14. Chapter 14 All I ever wanted

Behind the mask CH.14: All I ever wanted

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

_My Lord wished to speak with me?_

Puzzled, I followed Ichimaru to his quarters. I was shown in the door of the same white room with a sofa and table beside it. Lord Aizen smiled in greeting as I entered. "Welcome, Ulquiorra…thanks, Gin," he said dismissively. Ichimaru hesitated then shrugged slightly wounded, closing the door with a firm but quiet snap.

Silence descended.

My Lord looked me over pensively. "You've grown, Ulquiorra. I cannot believe my original aims have been accomplished not so far from the mark. You are…" he paused and his eyes lingered on my face. "My finest creation." I couldn't think of anything to say to this. So I merely waited for him to continue.

"But it's only to be expected. So steadfast, so loyal even to the point of hurting the one you love just so that they can be safe." He nodded, "that is one thing that has _never_ changed." He was silent for a moment longer, watching me. "You love Sakuya Enomoto."

No surprise was registered on my countenance. _He had known from the beginning of this_. It would be meaningless to deny it. I nodded my assent. Lord Aizen sighed and leaned back, folding his arms contemplatively over his broad chest. "You should tell her then." He sensed my surprise. "Love is precious, Ulquiorra. It needs to be nurtured and cherished not hidden away. I loved someone once…" his expression darkened but it immediately vanished and he was smiling again.

I felt I needed to speak. "But your orders—"

He waved his hand, "forget that."

I couldn't quell the rising feeling stirring inside me. I left soon after answering a few favorable questions about Orihime.

_No more pretense between us. I could tell her_…

"Ulquiorra."

I stopped. It was her voice.

"We need to talk."

She stood before me, hesitant and scowling, the princess sleeves of the dress clasped her arms and the bodice clung tightly to her curves. She seemed cold, alternately wrapping her arms to her chest, her face tilted to the floor. My hand left my pocket and I brushed her wrist in a gesture meant to soothe. She recoiled.

"Are you cold?" my fingers were above her skin. Sakuya shrugged as if it didn't matter, "I'm fine. I didn't think you'd care one way or the other."

_I would_, I thought, but said nothing.

"Anyway," she reached into the slanted pocket of the dress withdrawing the pendant. "I forgot the other day to give this back to you." The pendant hung from between two fingers my way. I stared at it then my eyes traveled to her face. "Keep it. It's yours." I said slowly, not understanding why for once she insisted on wearing an expression of blank indifference when resting upon me.

I wanted anything but that.

Her eyes closed and she sighed again tiredly, "Grimmjow doesn't want me to keep it." I felt anger boiling through my veins. I took it stiffly from her. Folding it against my palm. The stone retained none of her warmth. "Ulquiorra…" she was looking at me again, she waited until my attention was hers before continuing.

"I loved you."

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

_I loved you_. That's what I said.

_I've loved you from the moment I first saw you_, is what I should've. See it's always like this for me. The man I'm in love with always chooses another. It was the same with Captain Kyoraku. Oh he was fine making me feel special whenever in his mind it was a job well done, smiling this happy-drunk smile or grabbing my ass when we were alone that time at the cherry blossom festival. I can still picture his smeary face and sodden breath passing over my face, lingering over my mouth.

'_You like me don't you, Sakuya-chan…?'_

'_Of course, sir.' I had answered distractedly._

'_Well I like you too!' _

I shudder to recall his slobbering mouth no matter how brief the moment was, on mine. That was…my first kiss. Miserable no? I already had known by then that Shunsui Kyoraku had eyes only for Nanao Ise; when he wasn't being a drunkard. But now that I think about it…then fifth Division Captain Sosuke Aizen had come to my rescue.

Funny. I had forgotten that.

But then I guess it's not so surprising since a short time just before then, my inner-Hollow had first reared his ugly head.

"_I object!"_

I ignored the cry from inside my mindscape. That love had been more of an infatuation, the product of a young fanciful mind. This…

I couldn't bear to look at him. If I did I'd find myself ensnared by those eyes, wounded by that mouth. I had heard rarely my name fall from his lips. _Sakuya_. Spoken by him it was no longer the name of a lonely girl abandoned by her home and whom had no place to belong. It made me feel as if I had a place beside him. Me. The girl my parents had to make up for what they had lost. Me. Yesterday. To make up for the past and my sister given to another.

So yes…I love him so much. Every single strand of hair to every inch of his being, inside and out. I love him…enough to let him go.

"I'm sorry for bothering you." All of that had gone through my mind in a second that could have lasted an eternity. I could still faintly catch the scent of mint that was so familiar at times like a memory that hasn't quite faded. I breathed it in now, wanting to feel his arms around me, to bury my head in his shoulder. But it could not be. He loved another as my first love did. Not me. Never me.

_Goodbye_. I can't say the word slipped from my mouth. I wanted it to. I knew I had to say the one thing he had said to Orihime Inoue. _I love you_. And now that it had been I had no more reason to linger. I turned and began to walk away, my hands clenched at my sides.

_I wondered if Stark had woken up yet_ _or maybe Grimm had left the_—

"Te amo."

I stopped, my hand above the door_. What was he saying_? I don't know Spanish.

"Te amo, Sakuya." He said my name quietly, softly, behind me. He stood behind me. Slowly his arms encircled me, wrapping tightly over my body. He leaned onto my shoulder, nuzzling my throat, kissing my hair. "Wha—what do you mean?" I asked, my voice suddenly cracking as a million different emotions flooded me.

"_This is wrong…"_ from somewhere inside I heard my inner-Hollow say but then he became strangely silent. Ulquiorra sensed my hesitation as I pushed against him. "Stop playing with me…" I think I knew though. "But Inoue-san—"

His hand curved along the side of my cheek, turning me toward him. I stared into his eyes that had been so cold, so vast before but now it was _different_. The look they held was the same when we were alone and he would hold me in his arms. But I don't want to hope.

I don't want to feel pain anymore.

"Ulquiorra…?" I spoke his name as a question. Maybe the one I would've spoken a long time ago if things had been different. If reality mirrored my dream, _is it true? Do you love me_? We wouldn't be in the shallow darkness of a white room in a Palace of many similar; there would be no one else other than us, no one to hurt. We would be alone, us two. But that's all I ever wanted: _for him to love me_.

He didn't speak. Only brushed his lips against mine.

~Third person p.o.v~

"He's told her. Are you alright with this?" Gin glanced askance at the other's impassive face shadowed in darkness. Aizen met his eyes, silencing him. "Let them have a period of happiness…it'll hurt all the more once it's taken away; Sakuya deserves that much," solemnly he said, turning away. Gin followed him to the door, "you really are a cruel man…don't you think _she_ would have hated you the more for all of this?"

Aizen sent him a single long look, a sneer curving his mouth. "It was a promise, Gin. I made a promise long ago and I intend to keep it."

~To be continued~

A/N: I feel bad for Sakuya. :P Aizen really is EVIL. Poor Ulquiorra…he doesn't realize half of it. Thanks for reading…my anon reviewer for last chapter had suggested something, I might add it in but I'm not sure how much longer I'll keep the *_Denouement_ from happening.

The*name of the chapter where everything will be revealed.

Thanks for reading—no flames or idiotic spammers—but reviews are appreciated! :)


	15. Chapter 15 Fade to black

Behind the mask CH.15: Fade to black

The strange thing about happiness is that just so little is required to break it, shatter it to a million glittering fragments of what was. The moment of my greatest happiness was also the start of my downfall—not that I knew then. All I felt the second we broke apart, his hand lightly brushing away strands of hair from my cheek was that a very familiar—irritated spirit pressure was bearing on us in the hallway just outside. I must admit, I was afraid.

"Ah…it's Grimmy." Kyo's nonchalant observation had my head spinning. What the hell was I going to do? Let alone say to his face?! Ulquiorra seemed not the least perturbed. His eyes flickered past me to the door visible over my shoulder and the voice calling my name. He was searching for me. Stark, I knew wasn't of an insanely jealous mold, he was willing to share me at least with Grimmjow to put in as mild terms.

"Ulqui-chan isn't…I very much doubt." Again my inner-Hollow interposed directly into my thoughts. 'You're not helping,' I muttered angrily to him. Inside my mind's eye I caught a glimpse of his smiling mask-face grinning at me in devilish amusement. "Careful, Mistress, looks like Ulqui-chan isn't going to stand for a relationship in the dark…" what followed I can only say: jealousy is a pain even worse if the two are already mortal enemies. Stupid Hollows.

~*~

Ulquiorra dragged me out into the hallway, his hand firmly in mine. I could swear if looks could kill upon Grimmjow turning around and sighting us…well…let's just say it wouldn't be too pretty.

"Ulquiorra…" I tugged on his hand, avoiding Grimm's eyes. "Let me go."

"Coward." Kyo hissed.

"What do you think you're doing, Ulquiorra?" Grimmjow's voice was tight with barely controlled anger. _He was ignoring me_. "Taking what's mine, you arrogant animal," Ulquiorra swiftly evaded the swipe meant to sever his shoulder from his body. I was flung back, stumbling a few steps, my knees wobbled and I clenched my sweating palms. "Please stop this, Grimmjow! Please!" I cried.

"_He won't hear you, doll. It's too late,"_ Kyo was plucking the petals from a black daisy, as they fell I was reminded of feathers blacker than night. "Ulquiorra!" my eyes widened. Though the difference in their power was great, there was one thing…a glint of silver from a blade with a ragged edge, it flashed once in the light as it was drawn and then again, sinking into my side.

I'm not sure who was more surprised. My inner-Hollow or the two whom I loved the most…

"I—I—Sakuya?" Grimmjow still held the curved edge of Pantera upward. "I didn't mean to…"

The fabric of my dress began to grow sticky, wet around the half-circle of sword. I felt Ulquiorra behind me; I wanted to ask if he were all right but for some reason my mouth just wouldn't work. My lips moved and only a choking, guttural sound issued forth. Confused, I raised my hand, coughing into my palm. It came away…red?

_Why wasn't I healing?_

I heard voices. Others. Aizen and Ichimaru. They sounded alarmed, Aizen's was…angry? There was a quality of slight fear present that I couldn't fathom its cause. "I'm alright." I wanted to assure them, "I'll heal." Except, I wasn't. Blood flowed freely now as another's hands withdrew Pantera. Someone kept me from falling; I thought it was Ulquiorra but it was a pair of brown eyes that so intently stared into mine instead of green. He was telling me something but I couldn't hear exactly what it was. I think he was ordering me not to do something or another.

I think I responded by nodding, but even then I'm not sure. Everything was growing hazy; my body felt like it weighed a million tons. I had felt this sensation before. Others were coming now. Sensing a commotion we were soon joined by Stark and Lilynette who clung to his sleeve and sobbed something. I thought I heard my name and a word.

Dying.

Wait. That's not possible. I was breathing wasn't I? Somehow I realized my heartbeat was growing fainter. No. This can't be—! Ulquiorra said he loved me. I can't—

I was falling.

I struggled to keep my head above what seemed like an ocean of blackness. Everyone's faces faded and blurred back into reality. Aizen's was white above me; he was closest. _Why was he so close? Why did he have that expression when he looked at me_? I don't understand.

"For God sakes! She's losing blood fast—no we'll never get her there in time! Out of my way!!!"

I had never heard Szayel raise his voice against any of the Espada let alone Aizen. I felt myself lowered, my head pillowed in a man's lap. Careful hands probed my side, soft hissing betrayed the severity of my injury. _Why wasn't I healing_? My dress was torn, something hot pressed to the surface of my skin. I think I cried out; Aizen tried soothing me, his palms slid along my face, cradling me then sliding through my hair. I attempted to shift away from his touch instead I found myself in another's lap.

'…Kyo?' the world was black. This was my Hollow's inner-world. What was I doing here?

"…Stabilizing. The sutures are working." Szayel's relief was evident_. I opened my eyes; Kyo was looking down at me. He was silent. I felt no pain. 'Kyo?' I said a little louder. My head was in his lap; I could feel the sharpness of his bones boring into my neck. I wanted to sit up. He wouldn't let me._

"_You need to remember." His voice was empty_.

"I think she'll pull through."

_Another was repairing my body. Why wasn't he—? "Remember. It's for your own good."_

'_Remember what?' I asked, confused; I wanted to leave. His hand snaked out and clung to my shoulder in a crushing grip. 'Kyo…let me go.'_

"_Intense pain wipes everything away. Your memory is incomplete. You must remember."_

I didn't understand. Looking down at my chest, I saw black. _A Shihakusho_? I stiffened. _Red_? I was lying in a pool of blood.

"Lumina, the adrenaline shot please?" there was a sense of tautness in the scientist's voice. A tension that belied his normal tone; he had expected me to wake up by now, yet I hadn't.

_Kyo scowled. His face became an upside down smile. "You must remember!" The Shihakusho had faded and I was in white again, yet grass? Grass was beneath me and the smells of wet earth clotted with copper-scented blood arose from the darkness_. _This scene…it was familiar somehow_.

A sharp sting penetrated my consciousness; _he hissed angrily. _

"She should come around in a minute or so," Szayel was confident again.

"_You must remember." He said tightly, "you cannot have anything with Ulquiorra Schiffer! He is—" Kyo faltered as if forced to stop_. _I stared up at him, 'why…? Why are you always trying to take everything away from me!!!!' my shriek rebounded in the silence, my anger flaring with bright streaks of light illuminating the darkness_.

"_If you won't listen…then this must be done." His hand glimmered pale, long and slender like the hand of a waxen figure. Fear grew inside me. I knew what he was going to do. I couldn't plead, I couldn't cry only watch in a kind of numb, frozen horror as pain ripped through my body, his hand knife-like plunging into my wound_.

~To be continued~

AN: is she going to remember? ;) You'll have to wait to find out. Thanks for reading. Mum's getting sick now too, ;) the walking germ had something to do with it. ;)

No flames or idiotic spammers. You'll get fistfuls of my soggy tissues if you do.

Reviews are always appreciated.

Note: the walking germ-aka-me. ;)


	16. Chapter 16 Darkness of the heart

Behind the mask CH.16: Darkness of the heart

'_That man…'_

_I looked to where Kosuke pointed. "Captain Aizen?"_

'_Stay away from him.' Her look was long and measured, her eyes cold as she watched him from afar, his newly appointed Lieutenant Gin Ichimaru at his heels._

_I looked at him just as carefully but didn't see what she saw._

_~*~_

_I made a mistake. I told someone._

'…_She's just upset that he didn't choose her.' Scoffed a member of the Division I had been appointed to. He leaned on a broom in the corridor, his broad, flat face frowning. "She is not!" I immediately snapped, "She didn't want to be placed in that Div—"_

'_Pray go on, Enomoto-san?'_

_I froze._

_He__ was behind me._

_~*~_

'_You look lovely…is it perhaps a special occasion?'_

_I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear, ever conscious of the man beside me, his eyes running appreciatively over my body. "Yes…" I hesitated to say more; he looked at me inquiringly, a mild merely curious look behind the glass frames. Kosuke had been wrong. __There was nothing malevolent about this man at all__._

"_I'm going to visit my parents for the day." I admitted a little sheepishly wondering why I had previously been seeking to hide my destination from him._

'_Ah, I see. I assumed wrong then.'_

_It was my turn to look at him curiously._

_He smiled, 'I believed it was for a man…someone special, um how shall I phrase this?' he seemed so embarrassed and awkward I had to admit I was beginning to warm to him. "A boyfriend, Captain Aizen, I think that's the term you were looking for." I had to smile myself for the faint hopeful expression that flashed across his face, I don't know if he realized it had slipped or not._

"_Lie."_

'_Get out of my head!!!!!!'_

_But I did. For the first time I listened to the Hollow inside me. "Yes, I do." I lied, smiling happily at him. I could sense disappointment and something else._

'_Who?' his tone expressed nothing but polite curiosity._

"_Hajime Asaoka." I said._

_~*~_

_A month later, Hajime Asaoka was assigned from Fifth Division to a post in the living world. Hollows overwhelmed him a day after his arrival. He was dead._

~Present day~

"Sleeping beauty is awake finally."

The sarcasm was mild in the Octava's voice; my eyes opened. "I was dreaming."

"Don't say that."

I followed his progress around the room. "Why not?"

"Because," he sounded tired, stopping beside the observation table I lay on. "That's what Stark always says, yet when asked, he never tells anybody what he dreams of." _Oh_. My lashes lowered. I guess Szayel wasn't considered close enough to be privy to such things as that_. He had told me_.

"How long was I out?"

"Two hours."

That wasn't long at all. To me it had felt like half a lifetime.

"...you were screaming--"

"Huh? What's that?" I looked up at him, frowning slightly. "You don't remember? Ah well, most likely not." Szayel tapped the bridge of his glasses thoughtfully smiling, "you gave Lord Aizen quite a scare." He saw my confusion. "The expression alone he wore the moment you let out this horrendous scream like you were being ripped apart. It was rather amusing, I must say." _That wasn't too far from the truth, but Szayel didn't need to know that_. "He was worried...about me?" I asked tentatively.

Szayel sensed my disbelief. "I assure you he was. I was there and still am of a skeptical mindset when it comes to that man. In fact he was the one who carried you here, your blood soaking his robes and everything, didn't faze him."

_Ulquiorra. Hadn't he--?_

"Oh there others who would've, don't get me wrong. But Aizen...he'd still be here now if not for Ichimaru. He made me promise to let him know the instant you woke up..." Szayel trailed off then glimpsed my face. "What's wrong? No pain?"

_Pain. Yeah. Try heartache or something a Hollow doctor wouldn't be able to understand. Why wasn't Ulquiorra here? Or Grimmjow and what had happened with them?_ With these thoughts in mind I tried sitting up, pushing my upper-half to an upright position while Szayel watched.

_I need him. _I never thought I'd ever think that of another. Not like this. Never this way_. I have to see him. I need to know we still have something_. That it's not a figment of my own imagination.

~*~

"You'd better go thank Lord Aizen first." Szayel divined my intent as I walked slowly to the door. My body felt worn as if I'd run miles. "I will," I said, my hand above the panel. "Once I get a change of clothes." I still wore my original dress; Cirucci's gift. I was afraid it was beyond repair.

~*~

"Ulquiorra."

He was waiting in my room. My heart sped up at the sight of him, I was nearly breathless. He appraised me with cold eyes, his gaze lingering on the smooth unblemished skin of my wound. "I was afraid," I began, hesitating in closing the distance between us. _What if he refused me? I don't think I could take it again_. "I...I thought I would never wake up again."

I was too cowardly to say it.

_I thought you didn't love me anymore._

He sighed; I expected something else. "Don't say such foolish things." I threw myself in his arms, feeling them wrap around me. "Ulquiorra..." I murmured, my head was tucked beneath his chin. I wanted to stay that way longer but soon I felt him slide from me only for his hand to cup my chin and tilt my face upward. He didn't kiss me. I felt my lips slip into a pout as his finger caressed my bottom lip.

"You are not happy, why is that?"

Perceptive. I'll give him that much. "Oh many things," I muttered, laying my own hand on his and pulling it away. I went to the closet and carelessly tugged the first thing I came across off the hanger. He was watching me, I didn't speak for some time. I think he wondered at the cause for my sudden silence, but maybe it didn't really bother him.

But it wasn't as though there weren't things I wanted to say, quite the opposite. It felt childish pouting so because he wasn't there waiting for me to wake up, he wasn't forced out by another like Aizen. That still was something I didn't understand. If it had been_ him_ lying there unconscious and bleeding to death from an injury, nothing would've kept me away.

_"You love him too much."_

'I don't want to hear it from you.'

_"When you love someone so much that your eyes are blind to everything but that person...that's when they are taken away from you. But don't listen to me. Blind yourself to the truth...believe the lie."_

I didn't like the unease growing inside me. _A field of grass. Lying in a pool of blood. And the beating of massive black wings above._ _Always voices surrounding me_. It's all so familiar but I can't place it. I don't want to. It's like a nightmare that I've dreamed before but have forgotten.

I have to believe that.

I must.

~Ulquiorra's p.o.v~

Happiness is fleeting for humans. Unattainable for the vestiges of what remains of lost souls, the Hollows. I knew that but I chose to hope. I let myself believe once she was in my arms, the past could be cast aside. But it's there. Always there.

It's something I'd forgotten.

I went away with my Lord when he asked me to. I left her lying there in the Octava's care, I wanted to stay with her but couldn't. We were forbidden from staying near her. My Lord took me to another room; Ichimaru left as ordered. In the hour that passed, I learned everything.

It's something that can't be undone.

It's the one thing I can never be forgiven for.

Looking at her now it's as though there's a wall between us. I don't want that. If she senses it, I'm afraid she'll know. So I went to her and held her to me again. She responded, fretfully brushing her lips against my throat, "I love you," she murmured. My eyes closed. "I know," I said, holding her closer. I don't want to let her go. Even if it means hurting her all the more later, I don't care.

"Ulquiorra."

When she spoke, I listened. I never want to be apart from her again.

"Don't leave me."

I opened my eyes, my hands threaded through her hair, she tilted her head back, her gaze intent on my face. "I won't."

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I worry sometimes.

Today I held his hand, it almost felt like it was our first date_. I had never held hands with another in Soul society_. We ate together in the dining hall reserved for the Espada. Ulquiorra sat near me. The silence had been heavy when we had entered and even now I could sense Lilynette's reproachful looks from the corner of my eye. Stark hadn't looked my way even once.

I lost my appetite after that.

~*~

I felt even sicker catching a glimpse of Grimmjow making a deliberate turn up ahead in the hallway so he wouldn't come across us. He hadn't been punished. His pride probably stung knowing all the more it was because of me.

I can't stand this. I have to talk to him--and Stark. I have to tell them that I...I still care for them both. It's a feeling that borders on a love that isn't platonic. Less like lust but not as deep as what I feel for Ulquiorra. I think he himself suspects my heart isn't his. At least not entirely.

The thing is...is it possible to be able to love more than one person?

~To be continued~

AN: I have more but it needs work :P so I just decided to post this--really Sakuya-san! 'The new couple' and their time together was supposed to be nothing but happiness...but she's acting morose and well she doesn't want to hurt anybody. Ulquiorra _is_ the one she loves the most however. ;) Anyway thanks for reading and reviews--no flames or idiotic spammers--are appreciated! :)


	17. Chapter 17 Shards of yesterday

Behind the mask CH.17: Shards of yesterday

He watched her.

He had no difficulty observing her though the cameras and screen placed in his room.

_Walking._

_Thinking. _

_Alone_.

_Sometimes with others._

He didn't like to see her with the Sexta or Primera. Somehow it bothered him, he wasn't sure why and Sosuke Aizen didn't like to not understand something. With his loyal Cuatro, it was different. He liked observing their exchanges and her smiles. She was a different person when with the stoic Espada, less attentive, less talkative. But it was merely because she looked at no other when in his presence.

_Such is love,_ Aizen smiled at these displays.

He remembered a time when he had experienced such a thing.

_'Stay away from me.'_

He frowned.

_'Keep away from her. I'm warning you, Aizen.'_

The wine filling the glass began vibrating.

_'I will never be yours. You snake.'_

The glass flew forward, striking the doorframe with an ear-splitting crash. Shards tinkled to the floor."Now what did the poor old glass ever do to you?" remarked a man's voice. Aizen glanced, "Gin," then downward dismissively, "I was reflecting on our strategy is all. I may have gotten carried away a little."

"You?" long spidery fingers knitted behind his back, casually he strolled up to Aizen's chair. "Are you sure that was it? Or perhaps was it something-or..._someone_ else?"

"What are you implying, Gin? That I can't reign in my own emotions...?"

A dangerous silence descended. One that the former Third Division Captain seemed at a loss to break. Finally he chuckled lowly, "it's only 'cause you were never good at disguising how you felt when it came to _that woman_."

Aizen's smile grew thinner, "jealous, Gin?"

"Why no, _Sosuke_." the other all but purred, "I only wondered why you've been staring something fierce at little Sakuya-chan all day."

It wasn't a question so he gave no answer. _All day_. "You've been spying on me?" he asked off-handedly, pretending that the reply didn't interest him.

"Only for an hour or so." Gin admitted, then lifted his gaze to the large screen, "why do you do it? What do you find so fascinating with_ her_?"

"With Sakuya?"

Gin nodded slightly.

"It's the Hollow she carries within her that captures my interest. Nothing else," his lip curled, "you know me better than that, Gin. As if that mere child could be of any significance to _me_."

Gin seemed satisfied. "Well, if you say so..."

"I do. Now, have you done everything in preparation for our _guests_?"

He knew that would get the man away. Hastily disclaiming any fault that his tasks hadn't been completed as of yet. Aizen waved him cheerfully out the door, alone at once with the shattered wineglass and the image flickering on the screen.

Clothes were falling, her hair was being unbound and winding over her shoulders in a ripple of dark brown hair. For a moment he sees another and allows one of his inner-fantasies to play...

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I swear I'm being watched.

I could feel it today in the shower of all places. I stood under the stream of water, wetting my hair, my arms uplifted and...

I spun around. Three square tiled walls, the curtain on the fourth. Through the filmy material I could see the sink and my discarded uniform in a heap by the white porcelain base. Nothing. I was being paranoid. Shaking it off, I began bathing again.

~*~

"Sakuya."

His voice startled me. A jolt went up my spine and I started violently.

"Oh, dear. I didn't wish to frighten you," Aizen said, coming forward in an attitude of concern. I eyed him warily, "I was lost in thought and didn't see you there."

"Ah, then am I to suppose you have nothing to attend to currently?"

"No. I've completed everything I was allotted." I said truthfully.

"Well then would you accompany me on a short walk?" he smiled charmingly in a way I knew dripped poison. "Of course," I said just as sweetly even taking the arm he offered me. My body threatened to betray me in shuddering at his touch.

_Filth._

"Is something the matter, Enomoto-san?" he had noticed my quietness.

_Vile._

I endeavored to repress the revulsion coursing through my veins for this man, "not at all. I'm sorry, I mustn't be a very good companion, hardly saying a word..." I trailed off, leaving him an opening to be rid of me. Unfortunately he didn't catch on.

"Sometimes quiet company is more soothing to the mind."

_Was he saying...he liked walking with me_?

I didn't know what to say and for once it was a good thing.

~*~

"Lord Aizen," there was a faint note of surprise I heard in Ulquiorra's voice as he caught sight of us rounding the corner, "Sakuya..."

"She's all yours, Ulquiorra," Aizen said smiling, releasing me. Grateful, I stepped back but not before his hand by accident brushed the side of my breast. "We must do this again, Enomoto-san. I enjoyed it very much."

I dipped my head in acknowledgment of the compliment. Ulquiorra was watching our exchange with bright, keen eyes, an odd look reflected in them for a moment. _Suspicion_. _Or was it...? Just my imagination_?

_"Just your imagination," _my inner-Hollow's voice echoed after my thoughts. I glowered, bearing in mind to keep my expression smooth. Ulquiorra and I bowed to Aizen's back. With a cheerful wave and smile he was gone, I breathed a sigh in relief. _My dislike was growing ever more difficult to contain_.

"Why were you with him?"

I blinked, "excuse me?" His outburst had surprised me more than anything.

He looked at me steadily, "why were you together with Lord Aizen?"

"He asked me to walk with him. What could I say?"

A flicker of an emotion akin to relief passed over his face and his eyes closed briefly. I wondered at his sudden silence.

_"Ulqui-chan's hiding a lot more than you know, doll. __I __should know,"_ Kyo interposed. My brow rose, 'oh? Well if you know so much about this supposed big dark secret...why don't you tell me?'

_"I can't. He can. Ask him." _ His mask smirked at me, _"unless you're afraid."_

I scowled. _I wasn't. Really why should I be? I loved him didn't I? I could forgive whatever it was once I knew, right...?_

So, I took the plunge. "Ulquiorra, is there anything you'd like to tell me? Something that maybe happened in the past?" I knew Hollows were souls who had forgotten what it was like to be human and by proxy their past lives. However, I didn't expect the reaction I received.

He stiffened, his eyes darkened, hardening, "what do you mean?"

_"You know..."_ Kyo said in my mind.

For some reason that I couldn't fathom, I repeated him, "you know..."

_"About that night..." _ Kyo's voice had softened and mine did accordingly.

"About that night..."

I thought I saw a flicker of fear that vanished just as fast as it appeared.

_"I was reborn." _Kyo finished.

"I was reborn." The words slipped from my lips even before I realized the import of them.

He said something, to this day I don't know what, for a moment later, Stark Sonido'd up to us, "Hey. Lovebirds."

I winced at the implication.

"Emergency meeting called."

"Why?" Ulquiorra had seemingly recovered.

Stark had half-turned away already, "we've been invaded."

~To be continued~

AN: Thanks for reading.

No flames, stupid comments (you know what I mean!) Or idiotic spammers!

Please review! :)


	18. Chapter 18 The forgotten face

Behind the mask CH.18: The forgotten face

"We will discuss this later."

I looked after him, hesitating, "Ulquiorra..."

He waited, Stark was watching us curiously.

"I trust you," I said, breathing in shallowly. It felt as though a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, "whatever it is...doesn't matter." _Nothing can change how I feel about you_.

He nodded.

I wish I had smiled_. I think that to myself every day_.

_Even though I know now...he deserves nothing._

~*~

"Welcome, my Espada." Aizen spoke.

We straightened, the table fell silent.

"We have been invaded, but first...some tea."

~*~

Three.

There were three of them. One was the boy, Ulquiorra had chosen not to kill.

I wished he had then.

Is it so wrong to desire the white sands to swallow them whole, leave not a trace behind?

I feel only nervousness on part of everyone's nonchalance over the matter.

They do not believe the intruders will make it to Las Noches and until they do...

"Sakuya."

I looked up, my attention had been wandering. "Yes, Aizen?"

"I would like for you to engage that Kurosaki boy in combat."

_What? _

"You can't be serious." Stark spoke up first. Aizen's smile was slow, "of course I am. Why wouldn't I be? She is the strongest Espada in this room, is she not?" It was rhetorical and he had nothing to say to that. _It's true in a way_, I thought, feeling my face heat up.

"I will accompany her." A silence even deeper than before descended upon the room. Impassive brown eyes calmly met Ulquiorra's green ones. "I think not," Aizen said coolly.

"To make sure she does not fail in the mission." he finished, challenging him with a glare of his own.

"_Alone_. She will go alone. Failure means..." Aizen shrugged, favoring me now with a look I didn't understand, "Death."

A battle to the death?

_"Bastard." _My inner-Hollow hissed, _"he knows I will never let that happen."_

'You mean you'd preserve yourself first before letting **my** body die.' I thought at him angrily, then responded vocally, "I understand." _I don't_. "Shall I leave immediately-?" I caught it then, behind the lying smile and cold eyes_...regret_.

I was at a loss on why.

"Yes." He said relieved, "yes, you may."

The meeting ended.

I walked out first. Numbly. I didn't know what I was going to do_. Fight that boy?_ _How could I? If Grimmjow hadn't been able to...except he always insisted that it was Tosen's fault that he hadn't. But_..._between Six and four there was a big difference, not only in personality_. _So how could I-?_

I fought the Primera.

Yes.

I nearly died.

Uh-huh.

I was given a title that I didn't deserve, above him because I was opposed to finishing him off.

Exactly.

I wasn't strong. I hadn't fooled myself to think that if I ever-Gods forbid-was forced into combat with Ulquiorra, I could win. I wouldn't and I knew it. I was weak and no amount of training could take me to a higher level.

_"Ever the optimist,"_ my inner-Hollow sneered, reading my previous thoughts.

"Fuck off," I said then was startled to hear the expletive leaving my mouth. Damn. I'd been forgetting more than usual not to speak aloud when conversing in my mind.

Kyo chuckled. _"Seems like you learned one too many things from Grimmy-kun."_

I reddened, 'shut up!'

_"Touchy. That irritability was one thing that I always found distasteful from the Sexta."_

I managed to roll my eyes, 'oh, please. No one's asking you your opinion.'

_"Now, in bed...that is a different story."_ He smirked at my outrage.

"I said SHUT UP!!!"

Bam.

I should've known not paying attention to my surroundings would be bad. But do I ever learn? Nope. I had just slammed into Ulquiorra. I never noticed he'd followed me from the meeting room and probably just witnessed my little tantrum.

Curses. He probably thought I was crazy already.

"Sorry," I muttered, making as if to step around him. His hand shot out and caught my wrist. I tried to pull away only to feel his grip tighten.

_"I wonder if Ulqui would smother you in a kiss before __coming, __as well?"_ Kyo mused.

I couldn't help it. I blushed all the way to the roots of my hair and then some.

_"Or lie tangled in the wet sheets in the morning with you?"_

I cringed, visions of other mornings dancing through my head.

_"But we don't know, do we?"_ My inner-Hollow's leer widened,_ "let's __ask__ him."_

'No...!' I was ignored as I was yanked into my mindscape, Kyo replacing me with nary of flicker of change manifesting itself in me.

"Ulquiorra," I heard my own voice issue forth, breathy and low, "can I ask you something?"

I saw his surprise.

Felt my body move and soon I was pressing against him. "If I asked you...would you take me?" A tongue that no longer felt like mine, flicked over my lips, slicking them invitingly. His eyes were drawn instantly to my mouth just as he wanted. "What do you mean, Enomoto-san?"

I winced inwardly. He had never addressed me so formally before. He must be really upset about something for him to change so suddenly.

"Come now, Ulquiorra. We've known each other a lot longer than that!" 'I' teased. He studied 'my' flushed face doubtfully, "what would you prefer I call you then?"

"Hmm..." 'I' pretended to think for a moment, "querida," 'I' cooed, leaning up into his face.

"Querida..." he said slowly, as if testing how it would feel rolling off his tongue. I was ashamed to feel my heart speed up the tiniest bit. _Querida_ sounded so natural spoken by him. But what did it mean?

'Dearest.' Kyo answered.

"Querida," he sounded surer this time. 'My' arms snaked around his neck, pulling him into a hard kiss. 'I' ground my hips suggestively, only to find my back hit the wall, my legs lifting, curving around his narrow waist. "Oh, Gods," 'I' moaned into his mouth, "take me please. Please, Ulquiorra!" His hands tightening on my back made me realize...I had spoken that. Not my inner-Hollow.

Kyo leered at me from inside my mind, casually making a show of wiping away swapped saliva. _"Surprised? Now there is no way he will take no for an answer. Heh. Serves you right."_

_No? Why would I refuse him...?_

We entered one of the empty rooms lining the corridor. I placed a low-level Kido spell on the door to make sure we wouldn't be disturbed and turned back to where he waited.

Words weren't needed when silence and our own gentle touches communicated our feelings.

~Elsewhere in Las Noches~

"I just don't understand you, Aizen."

"What's there to understand, Gin?"

The former Captain looked truly puzzled for a moment, "why...you would send Sakuya-chan out. Don't you want to keep her safe?"

_Temptation. _

The man sighed, idly tapping the sill of the window overlooking the black sky and white desert of Hueco Mundo. "She isn't needed."

_Must be removed._

"So you keep saying." Silver brows rose, "Ulquiorra might turn if she dies, you know."

_Her death is needed_...

"He may. He may not. If that is the outcome then so be it."

_For my own peace of mind._

Aizen sighed.

The glass was cool to his fingertips. His eyes hardened.

_I would never forgive her if she allowed herself to be killed._

~Sakuya's p.o.v~

I awoke. He lay sleeping beside me, the covers half pulled to his lower torso.

I smiled, though he didn't see.

I ruffled his hair, dropping my hand to caress his pale cheek. He warmed at my touch, pressing closer to my palm. His skin was cold, I frowned, edging closer to him. The worry niggled at me that time was slipping away. I frowned, _a few more minutes delay won't matter_.

Besides that...what if I was defeated today?

Aizen made it clear, defeat means death.

So, either my enemy dies or I.

I thought of Kyo's words. _He knows I'll never let that happen._

Such strange surety. By _he_, did my inner-Hollow mean _Aizen_? As far as I knew, Kyo had never revealed himself to the so-called Lord of Hueco Mundo. I've worn my mask quite often, but not so much in his presence and he never asked me that much about him.

Never about his abilities, speed or anything. Just..._how long have you been a Vizard_?

Since that night. I bit my lip, my eyes on Ulquiorra's still form.

_You know about that night I was reborn._

What did Kyo mean? What was he insinuating by that sentence? Reborn...becoming a Vizard, I was reborn in a way. But...

"Kagami ni utsuru hana..." his voice startled me. _He was singing...in his sleep?_

_Dreaming of every heart/_

"Ulquiorra," I tried waking him.

His lips continued moving softly against the side of the pillow, "ga iyasu kiyoraka ga nioi. Yume miru kokoro-goto subete..."

_/The flower reflected in the mirror heals pure scents/_

These words. I stared down at him uncomprehending. These same words someone else long ago...sang to me. _Where had he heard them_? Unaccountably I became chilled. "Ulquiorra..." hesitant, I stretched my hand out, to his curled up against the base of the pillow near his jaw. Up till now he hadn't made a single movement, just lain ever so still on his side, half his face turned toward me. But now...

My fingers slid backward into his, almost instantly his hand clenched and I couldn't wrench away. A slit of green like a sly cat's eye watched me. _When had he opened his eyes_? Cold intelligence shined within the green then it flickered into...

"Kudake chiru sadame yo..."

I screamed. Tearing away with a mindless illogical horror. It was foolish of me, I know. However I couldn't stand to stay beside whatever _that thing_ was. I just know, it wasn't _him_ at that moment.

My back hit the opposite wall in the hallway, the sides of my dress unbuttoned to the knees, hung partially open exposing part of my chest. I hugged my arms around my body, shaking even though I knew not why. My eyes were staring ahead at the slice of doorway, closing gently. From there, I could see the white of the bed and the black of his hair framing his delicate features. His hand closed on empty air. "Saku--"

I didn't hear the rest.

I left with the sentence echoing on and on in my mind_. It's fate that everything shatters to pieces._

~*~

I don't know what to do.

Faced with an endless desert before me and the giant shadow of the Palace behind me, I'm at a loss as to where to go. _Fight_. I know. _Win_. Yes. But even that, I don't know how to. The others with him are a Quincy and Human. They should be easy. However, Aizen said nothing about them. _Engage that Kurosaki boy in combat_.

_Just him_, I suppose.

_Maybe he thought all three would be too much for me to handle_.

_Bastard_.

"You're really going."

_That voice_...I spun around. "Grimmjow!?"

I wonder that I hadn't sensed him behind me before.

_"I did."_ My inner-Hollow spoke up.

'I wasn't talking to you,' I snapped then looked somewhat sadly at the teal-haired Arrancar standing only a few feet away. "You shouldn't have come."

"Why?" his legs were spread apart, his hands in his pockets. "Because that pissy bitch, Ulquiorra might not like it?"

I flinched, "that's not what I mean and you know it."

It hung unspoken between us. This could be the last time we saw each other _alive_.

He must've thought it as well for his eyes became dull, the wild fire dampened within them, "don't think like that." He said gruffly, "you aren't going to die."

"It's a possibility--" I began, but he cut me off with harsh growl, "it isn't! Don't talk like that! I don't want to hear it..." he trailed off then snarled suddenly, "that bastard Aizen! How dare he--"

"Grimm, it's alright," my gaze finally rose from the sandy ground to rest on his face, I smiled, "I'll live. I promise!" I couldn't say _I'll come back to you_, because that wasn't in itself right. I was going to make it back for everyone. I would fight so no one else would have to.

He stiffened when I hugged him lightly but returned it by resting one arm against my side.

"Tch..." he sucked his teeth, staring dully ahead, "you even smell like that bastard."

I didn't have to ask which one he meant. I knew already.

"Adios," I said, stepping back with a smile.

I Shunpo'd from sight, the image of black locks and poison green eyes lying in a white bed still imprinted in my mind.

I loved Grimmjow.

But I love Ulquiorra more.

~*~

They were not far from my location. Three. I threw my senses to the farther areas, reading no other disturbances. _It was still only them_. I readied myself. Repeating my ingrained repertoire of Kido spells, defensive or otherwise. My hand went once to the hilt of my Zanpaku-to slung over my shoulder, tied in front by a knotted cord.

One minute longer I would wait then I will--

_"Let me."_

"What?" I asked aloud incredulously.

_"Let me fight them." _

I stared at my inner-Hollow for a moment, not understanding this sudden offer. I'd be crazy to accept it.

_"Smart. Not crazy,"_ Kyo corrected patronizingly, after reading my thoughts.

"Let you...run amuck in my body? Hell no. Thanks but no thanks." I said,

_"Amuck? I do not believe that is the appropriate word, doll."_ he grinned at me, _"more like, you don't have any choice but to let me take control."_

"Yeah right." I expressed my doubt only to feel myself pulled backward into my mindscape. "Kyo--!' my voice became soundless and evaporated into the air as a thought. I stood in the midnight darkness of Shunten's garden, clothed in a black robe. 'Kyo!' angrily I glared through the hanging mirror that he had left me to view the outside world.

"Yes, Sakuya-dear?" he spoke with my lips and my mouth curved into a sadistic sneer.

Disgusted. I stared at my own reflection. 'Give me back my body!'

"Oh, maybe--no." my mouth formed the denial and in response, anger welled up in my chest. 'I have to fight--' I began harshly, he smoothly interrupted me.

"I will. You won't. Now, stay back and enjoy the view."

Helpless, I watched him use Sonido to meet head on with Ichigo Kurosaki.

~Las Noches~

"Is this really alright? All of the Espada are gathered in the central chamber to watch Sakuya-chan's battle."Gin reported, entering the inner-sanctum without knocking which was required by all those who were to be admitted into his presence. Even the twins, Loly and Menoly had snuck in with the higher-ups to glimpse the Cero's fight.

"Of course it's okay, Gin." He answered, his back to the other, his impassive gaze resting on the largest screen before him. Displayed on it, was the advancing figure of a girl in white, her hand touched the tip of the red bound hilt and in a matter of seconds had slashed the air sideways.

Light flashed.

A streak of lightning separated the three boys, each darting off in different directions.

Red Kido followed one, stunning the dark-skinned human to immobility. The Soul reaper halted in his Shunpo to look back at his friend. He was pierced easily through the shoulder by a bolt from above.

_Kaminari_, Aizen thought. _Thunderbolt_.

The Quincy was next.

She dodged almost too easily the hail of over a thousand missiles, releasing an attack of her own at the last moment. Lightning crackled and the screen became ablaze with discordant beams of light shooting into the sands from the sky.

_Denkou Arashi. Lightning storm_. Impressive. He leaned forward, a faint smile tugging at his lips. _What fine form she was in_. Her swordplay was almost impossible for the human eye to see. It was at moments like these when he thought most of the other. Exquisite. _Like her_.

"Still think she's gonna bite it today?"

A slight frown touched his face at the interruption, "don't_ think_, Gin. Just _watch_."

Ruffled though his ever-present smile didn't show it, Gin approached silently behind him, moving a little to the side to study his profile. The man's emotions played out in every slice and slash dealt out by the Vizard so much so, that Gin puzzled at what his superior saw.

_A girl_...

'See that girl over there?'

'Yeah. So, what 'bout her?'

_In black then. Now in white._

'Does she seem in anyway special?'

'Nuh-uh. She looks pretty ordinary to me.'

_He couldn't take his eyes off her even for a moment_.

Gin sighed, shaking his silver bob slightly.

_It was playing out all over again yet the man himself had yet to realize it_.

Gin's slitted eyes widened the tiniest fraction; he hadn't been paying close attention. _How had she...?!_

With one touch, she had simply shattered the Quincy's bow into a million tiny spirit particles.

~To be continued~

AN: Thanks for reading. :)

The verse of song Ulquiorra was saying comes from (Kyoka-suigetsu) Bleach beat tracks (Aizen's song) ;) couldn't resist adding it in.

Japanese:

/Kagami ni utsuru hana ga iyasu, kiyoraka ga nioi  
Yume miru kokoro-goto subete  
Kudake chiru sadame yo.../

English:

/Dreaming of every heart  
The flower reflected in the mirror heals pure scents  
It's fate that everything shatters to pieces/

~No flames, stupid comments (you know what I mean!) Or idiotic spammers!

Please review! :)


	19. Chapter 19 Desolation

Behind the mask CH.19: Desolation

If I close my eyes, I can see everything the way it was.

If I keep them closed, I can pretend this isn't happening.

Nothing is shattering to pieces.

~*~

I'm not strong.

Deluding myself that I was, is something I couldn't do.

I'm weak.

I felt every cut and slice into my body, beating me, wounding me until the sand was a sickly canvas of gore. The kid was panting, he wondered why I didn't fall like the rest. I wondered it myself.

"Is that it?" 'my' mouth twisted into a smile that wasn't mine, "or is there more?"

He snarled something, his hand above the wide blade, "Getsuga-Tenshou!"

It thundered toward me, I didn't move. I felt every nerve in my body thrill in anticipation, my hand seamlessly flowed upward. The skin of my palm tingled, my hair whipped into a cloud around my face and...I threw it back.

_Was that a Balas_? It had felt like one, but stronger, denser, wider, infinitely more powerful than anything else I had ever released.

My attack and his...combined.

Within the place where I was imprisoned; my mindscape...

Close.

Your.

Eyes.

I didn't want to see the damage inflicted on his body.

Count to the sky.

One.

Two.

Three.

My voice drowned out the Hollow-like shriek of triumph that left 'my' lips.

I don't want to see.

Kyo is fleet-footed in my body. Two others have come, two Shinigami, a young man and a girl. They're screaming/yelling/they want to take my life.

So 'I' run.

I have no orders to take their lives and I as well have sustained heavy injuries that need time to heal. Kyo was careless in my body, I can feel the blood gurgling in my mouth, under my teeth, beneath my tongue, eager to pour from my lips. No matter how I shut my eyes to the outside world, the pain still spreads.

It's becoming hard to breathe.

The kid was good. Better than good. He just might be the end of me.

I awaken slightly at the thought.

My death, how would Ulquiorra take it? I don't want to leave him alone. I curse my meager speed. I can't seem to move fast enough. I need--I need; Kyo ponders my thoughts, he lays 'my' atop our Zanpaku-to. "Bankai," 'my' mouth whispers.

It's my last hope.

I'm running now. Faster than the Flash-step of my enemies, greater than the Sonido of the strongest Arrancar and yet...it isn't enough.

My strength is waning and with it the ability to maintain the release.

_No. Almost there_. I bit down on the inside of mouth, tearing the flesh. The pain cleared the fog from my mind. I'm gasping. The world of sand and night is blurring. There's no division between earth and heaven--

My palms met the sand, my legs had given out.

_That bastard_. I don't know who I was cursing anymore. Aizen, Kyo, that boy, Ulquiorra for hurting me so much. _Did he truly love me? If he did, where is he? Why isn't he here with me_?

I'm not thinking straight. I lower my head in hands, my back to the sky. I'm cold, shaking in my ripped uniform. The wound is in my torso, the scar that Grimmjow gave me is open and bleeding again. It's in the same place. _Why_?

This seems familiar.

_Why won't it heal?_

The my inner-Hollow spoke from behind me, _"it is because...that is where I first wounded you. But you don't remember, do you, Sakuya?"_

I didn't.

The smell of wet grass and damp earth arose again.

I gagged on the coppery smell of blood.

'S-Stop-d-d-don't--'

A man's smiling face rose over me.

"Get away!!!!!!"

My eyes opened, my hand had laid a reddened track across Aizen's face.

My lips tingled.

I had slapped him. In front of everyone. And...he had kissed me. "I--I..." my hands trembled, rising to my mouth. I didn't know what to say. _How had gotten here_? It was one of Szayel's observation rooms, I stood before an old-fashioned hospital bed, Aizen a few feet away, half-turned, I could only see a sliver of his profile.

He was chuckling softly.

My blood ran cold.

"Like_ her_...so like her...you're the same!"

His sharp tone startled me. This wasn't the calm, collected man I knew, this was someone else entirely. Someone insane.

"Why...why can't it ever be me?" His hand was on my chin forcing me to look up at him, into his eyes. I was dreaming. I had to be--

His mouth was hard on mine. I thrust him away as before, his teeth raking mercilessly at my bottom lip. It stung. I fell back, lifting myself onto the bed. I wiped my hand across my mouth, I was bleeding but I healed fast. My bare arm brushed against the rough texture of the bandages. I caught Szayel's remorseful eye; _Aizen hadn't let him treat my wound_, I was simply bandaged over my clothes.

"I...I finished my mission." I had thought maybe that would snap him back to reality.

"You have failed."

I snapped to Ulquiorra, "what!?"

"You heard me." His eyes were cold, everything about him immaculate, untouched, "Ichigo Kurosaki lives."

"Bullshit!" I swore without meaning to.

"It is the truth, I assure you." His hands were folded behind his back, "you botched simple orders, trash."

I stared at him. _I'm not hearing this_. My heart is pounding, the blood is rushing in my ears. _Don't look at me as if you hate me_. The hand I held over the wound, curls, pressing inward. I hissed, but I didn't care. The pain tilted his face away, the world swayed beneath my eyes.

Aizen's looking at me, he's asking if _I feel alright_?

I ignore him. "I'm not trash." I say to Ulquiorra, my eyes burn as I raise my head to meet his stare.

"Yes, you are. Worthless. Pathetic--"

_Stop_. I said in it my mind. My mouth can't form the word.

"Insignificant--"

"I thought you loved me," I said in a small voice. _Don't-say-it-please_--

"Ridiculous."

And just like that...I felt something break apart inside.

"Ulquiorra, really I must protest--" Szayel started, consternation creasing his brow.

"You bastard--" Grimmjow was in his face, snarling inches away.

But I heard no more. _Everything...was a lie_? The look in his eyes confirmed it. Gone was the softness I had come to expect be present when he looked at me. They were deadened now. Empty. Drained of all feeling. Aizen was smiling. Pleased.

He had done this.

_'Stay away from that man.'_

He was the cause of all my problems.

_'...if you're willing to __give up__--'_

Her eyes on me. _' I will. If you would leave __other things__ alone.'_

"You..." my tearless eyes rested on Aizen's face, "you were in love with Kosuke."

~*~

I didn't know how I knew. Or why I was so certain that it were true. I remembered the smoldering gazes he had favored me with, his words. _You look so much like her_. His mistake when I had defeated Stark. He had called me by her name. It all fit. But why...?

_Why had he done so much to destroy me_?

"It's true isn't it?"

He hadn't answered me.

"I'm right, aren't I?!" I persisted_. _It almost seemed foolish to be searching for the reason to everything. Grasping at something, anything so that I could believe Ulquiorra didn't hate me.

Aizen's smile became bitter, "I was. She was the one thing I wanted and could never have..." there was a wry twist to his mouth, "so I destroyed her."

I stared at him.

"But I also promised..." his eyes were pitiless and hard on me, "I would make the one she loved the most, suffer. Which is you, Sakuya..."

~To be continued~

AN: A little confusing, ne? She passed out in the desert and was dreaming while her physical body was taken to Las Noches. Anyway the rest will be revealed next chapter; hope you liked. :)

No flames-stupid comments-idiotic spammers!

Reviews are always appreciated. :)


	20. Chapter 20Sleeping in the heart of a lie

Behind the mask CH.20: Sleeping in the heart of a lie

_I am the one who_...

Words could barely describe the feeling that washed over me. That sinking, plummeting feeling as though I were on a precipice and the world had dropped from beneath my feet. I felt like I was falling yet I was still there, standing beside the bed, clutching a fistful of the sheets so hard that my hand ached.

_All the pieces fit_. Except one. I floundered on logic, simple though it was; I shook my head slowly from side to side. "You...you haven't destroyed me." I was still standing, alive, that had to count for something. Aizen's smile lost none of its poison, "ah, I see you count your life as something. _That_, I would never take, I'm sure some part of you understands why."

_'Sick bastard!'_ Shunten cried piercingly from inside my mind. _'You're his one last connection to Kosuke-'_

"I even look like her." I finished, staring at him. "How do you feel now, Aizen? How do you like knowing that the one piece left of Kosuke loves someone else as she did?"

He paced around, closing the distance between us once more. I stood my ground even as my repulsion for the man grew. "How do I feel, Sakuya?" His hand extended to me, one long finger touching the tip of my chin. "Shouldn't I question, how do you feel, Sakuya?"

"What?" my voice was fainter.

"How do _you_ feel, Sakuya, knowing now that your beloved sister's murderer is in this room at this very moment?"

Kyo's vague allusions, my own memory threatened to drive me under.

"N-no you're wrong!" I burst out, struggling to get away. My human heart was shuddering inside trying to crawl into itself in my chest, scarred and battered, the pain was almost unbearable. "Please...!" I half-wailed as Aizen pulled me tightly to him, wrapping an arm securely about my waist and guiding me around to face the rest of the Espada. I was like a helpless rag doll in the man's grip.

"Look all around you, Sakuya."

His free hand grasped my chin, forcing my head to swivel and take in the ten different faces of the Arrancars. "Tell me, what do you see?"

_Nothing_, I wanted to say. _Nothing but your madness_. But my lips wouldn't move. I remained glassy-eyed, silent, refusing to speak the truth.

"What do you..._remember?"_

I jolted; that same scene of darkness and wet grass...damp earth and the smell of blood replayed over and over in my head. Aizen's breath ghosted along my cheek, inclining near my ear to whisper softly, "Shatter, Kanzensaimin."

My eyes closed tightly.

I opened them to a field covered by darkness, a familiar scene that had haunted my waking nightmares. This was the place where Kosuke died and I had lost my humanity.

...

The line went staticky. My fingers closed over the communicator in my hand. _Thirteenth's surveyor team had been dispatched several hours before to this remote location to investigate reports of a Hollow, less than an hour after their departure a message had been sent to Third Seat of Fifth Division Kosuke Ichimura, requesting her immediate departure to check out an anomalous disturbance ten miles from Thirteenth's team_.

Official it was, I had checked it over with Lieutenant Ichimaru whom had confirmed Kosuke's leave-taking earlier in the day. I stood there now with the missive she had sent me crushed in my pocket. The scant light from the half-veiled moon in the sky slanted through the tree branches and even less on the ravaged bodies of the team. Miyako Shiba wasn't among the ones I had checked and I had begun to fear the worst for Kosuke.

Moving forward, I heard a sudden sound to the left where the trees grew closer together. Without hesitating, I plunged into the copse. It was the sound of someone still fighting. The spirit pressure that radiated briefly in the air was familiar to me. I hurried on, reaching for my sword just as the trees thinned, giving way to a small circular clearing and a massive black-winged Hollow just ahead.

It roared triumphantly, dangling the limp body of a woman before it, an arm plunged through Kosuke's lower torso. "Kosuke.." I whispered, charging forward then up sharply as I sliced across the Hollow's throat. With an inhuman shriek of pain and fury it withdrew, screaming into the sky. Kosuke fell forward into my arms. Never looking back, I flash-stepped from the trees. searching for a safer area.

Finding an overhang beneath the shelter of jutting out boulders, I laid her down, glancing briefly around the rest of the open field. "Sa...kuya." Kosuke was breathed hard. Blood had soaked through the front of her Shihakusho dying it a blackish crimson. I laid aside her Zanpaku-to Murushierago, the many blades of its released state gleamed darkly with the blood of the Hollow she had fought. "Don't speak," I said, my hands deftly unrolling the small roll of bandages carried by all members of the Court Guard Squads. She was fading fast.

"Leave me." Kosuke murmured clearly.

"How can I?" My throat closed up even though I swore I would not cry. "You're my sister." It came out as a near whisper but she still heard and gave me a pained smile. "You _know_...I'm glad."

_I needed to keep talking. Keep her attention on me. _

"How long have-" I stopped. There was something out there. Rustling low in the grasses. "Sa..kuya?" Kosuke had sensed my nervousness. "Nothing." I continued binding her wound as best as I could. Ignoring the blood I couldn't staunch from flowing. My fingers slipped and I cursed my clumsiness.

"Saaaaaakuuuuyaaaaaaaaaa."

My head shot up, my hand went for my Zanpaku-to lying in the grass near my knees. The voice had spoken low, resonatingly. It had filled the entire field with a wail of my name. It had to be a Hollow of minimal intelligence at best.

"Sakuya!"

I started. That was definitely closer. I rose from kneeling going a little out from under the shelter of rock, tense as my eyes searched the outerlying darkness. Something moved; I was quicker. "Kaminari!" I slashed the air sideways a wave of crackling light sizzled forth. The creature vanished faster than my lightning could strike. Disappointed, I lowered my sword. "Got away..."

"Sa-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Kosuke's broken off cry stuttering into a scream made my blood run cold as I spun toward the overhang, my foot shot out from under me with such swiftness that the world tilted to a dizzying angle, a sharp pain shot up my backside when I landed on the merciless hard turf. Dazedly I attempted to scramble to my sister clawing futilely at the ground, for only a second meeting Kosuke's frightened eyes when our hands reached out for one another.

"Sakuya!" She whispered as my body shot down the slope away from her. A burning track lanced down my front and the vise-like grip maintained on my ankle drove all other thoughts from my mind. Sheer panic itself was taking a hold of me as I flailed about. _Help me! Help me...somebody please!_

The beginnings of tears filled my eyes; distantly I was aware of the shape hovering in the sky, a demon on huge leathery wings just watching the scene play out. _Who art black as Hell as dark as night_...The words crept into my mind, a thread of ancient Shakespeare. Strange how the mind in the midst of chaos can think of the most mundane things, I remembered just then the book Lieutenant Ise had lent me. A plain brown volume of Shakespeare, it had a pair of theatre masks intertwined with ribbon embossed with ribbon on the front.

My wits came back.

Twisting myself painfully around, I managed to catch sight of the thick ropey tentacle covered in black spots like a pattern, wrapped tightly around my ankle. The distance I had been dragged would soon end in the crest of the hill that I now skirted being able to see a farther copse of trees surrounding a river bank. The steep incline of the hill was coming fast, my hand clumsily shot forward, half blind by the night, I called sharply. "Return!" Behind, a darting light flashed and reformed in my hand. Unsteadily, I halfway rose up, took aim and plunged the blade straight through the thick tentacle snaking away.

A burst of sound, a hoarse scream and then the tentacle shot from my foot and pulled off down and over the hill to the trees far below. Stunned for a second, I stared into the darkness hardly daring to believe it was over. A sudden cry from the distance got me to my feet painfully I sprinted back the way I had been dragged, clutching Shunten, ignoring the pain of my ankle and stitch in my side. My heart beat erratically as I came into sight of our makeshift refuge.

The Demon had descended.

Kosuke had somehow gotten to her feet, panting heavily, grasping Murushierago.

"Kos-" I began.

"Stop!" She snapped, her head turning to the side, "don't come any closer! I'll never forgive you if you do."

"Kosuke, don't-!"

"Oh! Ain't that sweet! Neither wants the other to die." A familiar voice sang out. All around suddenly the grasses rustled low growls erupted in furred throats some muscular and as I and Kosuke took in the faces, all masked.

We were surrounded.

From the center of the throng, a thin silver-haired man appeared in black robes. The plaque on his arm gleamed dully in the hazy moonlight. Yet I knew the face that loomed leeringly from the darkness.

"Gin Ichimaru!" I gasped, suddenly greatly confused. _What was he doing here? And why didn't the Hollows attack him?_

"Two little sisters lost in the woods...I wonder how long until the monsters eat them?" he smiled

"Was this part of Aizen's plan!" Kosuke demanded roughly, her eyes on the snarling masses. "Tell me!"

I was surprised when he burst into a torrent of cackles. After another moment, Ichimaru sobered, grinning now. "No. It's _mine_. Silly little girls should know their places- stab her to pieces, Shinso!" It all happened so fast, only a second had passed since the Lieutenant's declaration when a shooting beam of light catapulted through the air toward me.

I was staring my death in the face and then...

Kosuke was there. Catching Shinso's spear with the unreleased state of her sword. I watched her trembling before me, gritting her teeth, sweat and blood prevalent as a scent in the air.

"Sakuya...can you do something for me?"

"Oh?" Ichimaru murmured in surprise. "I suppose you _were _worthy of my seat, Kosuke _Enomoto_."

I saw the pain lance briefly through her eyes at the subtle reminder of our parents whom had given her away.

"But, you're half-gone anyway." Gin continued. I saw her hands shake, Murushierago rattling noisily. Desperate, I cried, "anything!"

I think she smiled.

Time stood still.

I knew what would come next.

"_Live_. You must live for me. Run. _Now_." Kosuke said, flinging her Zanpaku-to forward. "Tosatsu, Murushierago!"

A path between the Hollows was created as a hundred small blades sliced through flesh and bone. I raced forward heedlessly of the gore that splashed, insensible to all except for the pain in my heart and the tears streaming down my face.

...

I ran until I couldn't any longer. Until the pain blurred into a million fragmentary images. Bursts of light and many screams echoed from the power of Kosuke's Murushierago. The night enveloped me yet I felt no protection from it, only danger with the weight of what I had learned. Respected Captain Sosuke Aizen was conducting illegal experiments into Hollowification. My dear sister had found out about it and now faced death as I did for learning the truth.

In the very far distance, I sensed Kosuke's reiatsu flare like a disconsolate candle flame then die out with suddenness. My heart plummeted yet I spent only a few minutes smothering the sobs that threatened to burst forth. I had to keep moving—I had to get back to Seireitei and tell them what I knew—otherwise Kosuke's sacrifice would be in vain. Reaching for the communicator looped through my sash, my hands encountered empty air. It must've—

An explosion rocked the forest behind me. I jolted and spun about, bringing Shunten in an arc to a defensive position. Bright lights lit up various parts of the trees, snarling voices emanated from them— cold fear washed over me. _The Hollows were looking for me_.

_Kosuke-!_

I shut my eyes tightly and wished it all away. _To awake in the safe dark confines of my room, to find that nothing and everything was just a terrible nightmare_—

A splotch of something wet struck my temple and trailed down the side of my face. I absently brushed the back of my hand across it, smearing sticky liquid over my cheek. I lifted my hand to my face, seeing beneath the weak moonlight, blood that I knew didn't belong to me. My eyes darted around, looking for the source, as with the cry it seemed to echo strangely as if from above me…

I twisted, my neck throbbing from seeming whiplash, a great black shape hovered in the sky, close enough so that I glimpsed the rent in the wings and oozing blood drizzling onto the earth. It was him…I reached for Shunten just as his lean body tilted downward, angling for a sharp dive.

My blade had withdrawn from the Shikai state so that the curved edge merely flashed dully before I thrust it singly and with every ounce of my strength upward into his chest cavity. We were close. So close to the point of where I could smell him, coppery blood mixed with wet earth and another scent…of mint. My nose tingled, my breath issuing in a soft cloud from my parched lips.

I expected something.

Blood gushing onto my clenched hands holding onto the hilt or a gasp of pain…but nothing. He was staring at me, his vivid eyes visible beneath his mask, his hand rose from his side to rest on mine. I didn't recoil from the contact though I longed to. Then slowly, my eyes drifted down from his face to witness the reason of his calm unfazed expression…

_Shunten's blade stuck straight through his empty chain of fate. _

I'd thrust my last blow through his chest on the left side; the material of his white jacket had torn, revealing my mistake. He wasn't wounded. I twitched then, tears springing up in the corners of my eyes; a ragged cry left my mouth. I was scared. Frightened. Terrified even, by the simple fact that I was about to die.

His hand yanked out my blade, folding the metal easily. Shunten-Satsu snapped, in my head I heard her anguished cries, my own added to the cacophony resounding in my ears. I began to fall, my body crumpling downward to the ground; he caught me. The sharp bones in his fingers stabbing my arm through the sleeve of the Shihakusho, he lifted me up; I saw his mouth twist into a grin. The brush of wings against my back was imprisoning me so that I couldn't escape.

He meant to eat my soul.

My numbed mind gave way to the unreasoning terror I'd refused to give in to before. My weak body struggled suddenly in his grasp, thrashing, my legs kicking, I yanked backward, landing heavily onto my back. I started crawling, my feet pushing and slipping on the grassy ground; my eyes fixated on his impassive face and didn't notice the other pale white hand that grabbed his wrist when he reached for me.

"Tsk, tsk. Didn't he tell you? This one's _mine_." _The smiling drama theatre mask leaned in over the other's shoulder, _"nice to meet you, the one who gave me form, thank you, my dear."

I never stopped screaming until the blackness washed over me.

…

My world was one of pain.

Like bones breaking without sound, without movement as I lay on my back, swimming in blackness. Then a voice echoed above me.

"What is this Gin?" Aizen's. I knew it. "Where is Kosuke?"

A slight laugh in excuse, "ah, Captain Aizen, pardon my failure. There was a small problem encountered with Ichimura-san and the Hollowification."

The silence was deep. Finally Aizen responded in a tone I had never heard him use. "_Where_ is she?"

Ichimaru's laugh contained unease. "Inside Ulquiorra's stomach. Pity the thought that Incognito chose the host of dear little Sakuya-chan rather than your beloved Ichimura-san."

The sound of a sword being drawn swiftly resounded in the air, "Gin…know that failure once more is another step to true demise."

"Of course…Captain Aizen...of course."

-end of memory.

...

Minutes had passed.

I gasped loudly, attempting to rid my senses of the foul stench of blood and earth that had filled my lungs as I had lain there on that riverbank so many moons ago. Only one thought remained in the chaos of my heart.

I tore from Aizen's grasp, slashing my Zanpaku-to through the air. The Espada broke away from the walls, many of their expressions belying the fear that I had gone mad. I had in so many senses, retained barely a thread of restraint as I braced my jagged bankai blade against his throat and curved the red spiked tail around. Against him— Ulquiorra, murderer of my sister, he whom I loved.

"Give me one good reason," I growled, every nerve in my body screamed to take revenge. "_Why_…I shouldn't sever your head from your body?"

He never flinched. Expressionless, with the same pervading scent of mint that I had smelled on that fateful night so long ago. "Revenge, such a pitiful manifestation of humanity, a cry from the weak-hearted-"

"Shut up!" I shrieked in his face. "Shut up!" And my wrists crossed, cutting blade and razored edge of the lightning beast's tail curving as they sliced air. Ulquiorra vanished, thin razor lines of red appeared on the sides of his throat, strands of black hair floated to the floor. I turned with a snarl, seeing nothing now but Aizen's smile while he watched me try to destroy the one I loved-

_I trusted -I-Love-You._

Warm blood soaked through the front of my bandages, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered at that moment not the wild, frightened look on Grimmjow's face nor the surprise on Stark's nor the other varied fleeting emotions on the faces of the Arrancars.

Only Ulquiorra.

Only Aizen.

Something in me snapped a thousand times.

My reiatsu exploded all around, deafening everything with crashing discordant waves and even higher still, the shrill piercing scream from my own throat spiraled into the night.

_I can never ever forgive you_, _my beloved_.

…Living world…

The rain was cold, falling in icy sheets it seemed as though the sky wept for me. No tears stained my face as the portal sealed shut behind me and I was left out on a deserted street in the town Aizen planned to destroy.

_Death-_

_Destruction-_

_What did it all mean anymore?_

My hair became plastered to my cheeks, my white dress slowly became stained a sick pinkish tinge as fresh blood continuously seeped out. Numbly I walked without a destination, without anything but the piercing pain in my abdomen from the unhealed wound.

I had no goal.

I felt soulless, stumbling along the side of the street. Yet my feet began to ache. I glimpsed a park bench beneath the slants of greyish rain and made it my goal. Slowly but surely it came into sight. Made of wood slats and held together by thick metal screws, I lowered myself down only hissing in barely tolerable pain as my torso folded.

For moments I was breathless, spots danced before my eyes.

Then they faded, little by little.

I leaned back, soaked, cold all over.

I wondered if my heart had been consumed by pain for I felt nothing.

_Nothing at all_.

Closing my eyes, I allowed my senses to drift. There were Soul Reapers in the town. I sensed them hazily, deciding just then that the moment one came into the vicinity I would hide _behind the mask_ again and let them kill me.

This time, Kyo objected none.

…

The umbrella tilted back the slightest, the figure sucked their teeth, "damn them and their constant demands…" moments passed and then he caught sight of the woman sitting at the bench farther down, her face tilted up to the sky and the rain.

The bag he held dropped from his lax fingers along with the umbrella.

He started forward, "K-Kosuke?"

-TBC

AN: wah! Finally here! -.-; apologies for the lack of updates.

My bad.

No flames!

Reviews loved


	21. Chapter 21 Unforgiven

/ This love and this wound are dear to me  
Now they only bring out beloved pain/

Behind the mask CH.21: Unforgiven

-Ulquiorra's p.o.v-

You are his and I am his soldier. In between and around the signs were ignored continuously, by your own stubborn will and I confess my weakness to you, has lead us here.

On parting.

There's a certain savage triumphant in my Lord that I can admire even now. Cruelty that makes me obey and cling to the shadows when he unlocks the memories that will destroy you-

_Us_.

Yes, Sakuya. I know the scenes you see, from a detachedness without the emotion of your all-embracing heart. Does it shock you? Does it hurt you to see a monster? I wonder this even as only a mere second has passed and your eyes open, there's sickness in your expression. Revulsion. Hate. Loathing. Pain. Anger and others I dare not name.

Then, suddenly you break away from Lord, sword in hand.

There's no more words is there, Sakuya?

I feel the welcoming caress of your double blades.

"Give me one good reason!" You hiss, maskless, desperately human. "Why...I shouldn't sever your head from your body!"

I'm amazed, I confess momentarily at the bravery in which you stand, proclaiming to be my equal, to possess the power to end my existence. It's a foolish notion, one that I was moments from correcting you of.

"Revenge, such a pitiful manifestation of humanity, a cry from the weak-hearted-"

"Shut up!" you scream. "Shut up!"

There are moments when I forget what you are, the byproduct of my Lord's earliest experiments. Your body tenses. I know the next sequence of your moves, how it would surprise you to realize how closely I've scrutinized you. Yet this time, it was different, you are different. The air cuts cleanly, swiftly, I feel the blades a hairsbreadth from my skin.

Lesser as they graze my flesh, tearing thin lines through my Hierro. Sonido saves me. Reflexes alone wouldn't have as you complete your deadly dance and pivot about beautifully, your blade poised for the kill.

It seemed I had never quite seen you until that moment.

A failure- Gin Ichimaru often whispered into my Lord's ear. A poison tongue from an equally vile man. I care little for instruments of destruction but even now I see My Lord behold your capabilities and glimpse pride.

The hate-filled creature before us all was solely his creation, whether you understand this or not. I can see the fools whom have bayed grimly at the moon for the kind of power you possess now, they fear it.

The air itself vibrates with it now.

You look at me.

And at my Lord, but there's no more recognition in your gaze. Light explodes around us all in crackling flashes, the floor shakes, the walls tremble. Then, you start screaming, a ringing resonant cacophony like the howl of the divine lightning beast.

Las Noches begins coming down around us.

Szayel's containment room fails.

I sonido away, half-wondering whether or not you will follow, _Destroyer_? I am the focus of your rage, the cause of your pain. Yet I am disappointed in this, as you do not follow. The second tower falls into a mass of rubble and destruction; out on the sands, the Espadas and I stand and stare.

_Why do you not come for me? _

Master Aizen arises from the center of the chaos in a sphere of solidified reiatsu, Ichimaru is with him as well, shaken, paler than before.

"She has fled." We are told.

But, you are not a traitor, Sakuya. I see the calculation in my Lord's eyes. You have exceeded his expectations, have become more than anything a desirable thing to attain. You have always been desired but more so now.

A contingent of Exequias have been sent out to collect Kurosaki Ichigo and to eliminate the friends he had been separated from. In five days, our orders are to find and recapture you at any cost.

As I stare out over the sands and hear the murmur of the trash, I wonder.

_Why did you not kill me?_

...Aizen's p.o.v...

There is nothing but loathing in you for me. Kosuke was the same, perhaps it is in the blood that you share that sentiment. Like an unbent flower standing proudly at the edge of a cliff, you continue to defy me.

The wine tastes bitter on my tongue as I gaze upon it- that face I can never forget. A portrait of solemnity, of vivid jade green eyes staring out from the past and of creamy skin, tumbling dark hair framing an oval cameo-like face. _Fifty years_, I think to myself. Fifty long years since her demise. I want her as I want you. Memory isn't reality, isn't flesh and warmth.

I stare hard into the lifeless jade green eyes.

_You're not Kosuke_.

Kyokasuigetsu whispers that to me. I finally gaze into the reflective light shining on the surface of red, knowing my orders are being carried out, Gin though a curse at times, is attending to Kurosaki Ichigo's transformation; Tosen watching over him.

_"You're gone_," I whisper to my loneliness. Kyokasuigetsu's power flows for only a moment, suffusing light against the shadowy corners, dimensional walls of plain wood appear over them. It's a familiar game I've played over the years when I can bear it no longer.

I sit and close my eyes.

The wine reflects a slim shadow.

"_My love_." Whispers a quiet voice.

Slender arms slide around me.

I open my eyes to gaze into vivid green.

...Stark's p.o.v...

Five days.

"Don't wake me up until it's time to go." I call to Lilinette where she is fretting about the room doing who knows what. Agitated the other half of me is, we both know there's nothing we can do to bring you back

Aizen's word is law if we want to stay.

As I turn over in the pillows, satisfied that this time Lilinette will obey, a flump in the cushions at my back causes a groan to leave my lips. "What is it -" _now? _

"Stark." A whine as slight weight leans on my hip.

"What?" I try desperately to show my annoyance in my voice.

"Ulquiorra..." Lilinette hesitates and I get the feeling I don't want to hear the rest of the sentence. Oblivious, she finishes. "Did something real bad to Sakuya, didn't he?"

I'm not sure how to answer her. Only you know how he's hurt you. So, I shrug and murmur, "suppose so."

It's quiet for a minute longer but Lilinette doesn't leave. In a smaller voice, she asks what I won't even allow myself to hope for. Hollows don't hope, do they? "If Ulquiorra hurt her so badly, then maybe Sakuya will never forgive him and stop loving him, ya think?"

I stare at the wall.

_Why couldn't you have loved me instead, Sakuya? _

...Ulquiorra's p.o.v...

The rooms echo with my footsteps.

I've seen the pitiful lump of flesh that is Kurosaki Ichigo. I must commend your power; there is little doubt but for only a fool to claim now that our powers are so apart. Thinking these thoughts, I wonder restlessly about my palace. There is no trace of you here. I question myself why momentarily when I recall that I never let you close.

I go then, silent, through the halls and arch-like doorway to the room marked with a 0. I know you're not there even when my mind can't help but replay other times when you were there, waiting with a smile just for me.

The loss echoes somewhere inside. I can't explain it, when I see the neatly made bed and rug. Everything in its place. I go farther in, the atmosphere smells stale. Empty. It seems already as if you've been gone for years and not for hours. Passing by the bed, something catches my eye, a spot of pure white on the black coverlet.

I pause and contemplate the object I once gave you. Tangling my fingers in the chain, I lifted it up and gazed at it swing like a pendulum back and forth. Will you accept it still from my unclean hands, if I hold it out to you?

All these questions distract my mind.

Only one thing remains prevalent as I leave your desolate quarters dissatisfied with finding any trace of you there; a knowledge of your _hatred_ for me.

...Grimmjow's p.o.v...

Ulquiorra's a stupid fuck. I punch the wall in anger. I don't know the details, but I know he's hurt you and I hate him more for it. For pride, for arrogance then for you and the heart you gave him.

I wanted it, the feeling in the beating organ in your chest. Fragile, crushable. I know it's got something to do with a heart and love. Sex was never enough, I want you with me always and I want to be King. To crush all those who hurt you.

But, you never understood that, Sakuya. With your silly warm smiles to the murderous creatures around you- I never understood you either. Feeling warmth trickle down my fist, I glance and see a jagged split in the skin. I smile at the pain, it eases the other sort that I can't describe in my chest.

I'm going now to pick a fight with one of the Adjucha guards, I hope maybe that it'll take the edge off the loss of your presence. Five days...don't do anything stupid until then, on that day...I'll prove to you how much better I am than that bastard Ulquiorra.

/../Sakuya's p.o.v, living world/../

"Kosuke!" The desperation in the voice I hear, takes me by utter surprise. Something falls and splashes in the puddles, my head lifted and there was a man before me. Youthful-looking, with bowl cut blond hair and strange almost buck-teeth. He wore a button down shirt rolled up past the sleeves and a loosened tie, his pants were black. I thought it might've been a kind of uniform. His clothes and hair quickly became soaked beneath the falling rain.

"Kos-"

"Are you a Soul Reaper?" I asked.

"No! Don't you recognize me?" He grasped me by the shoulders and shook me violently. I jounced in his hold, still staring emptily at him. He seemed to ignore my question, "Kosuke, dammit! Look at me! I know you-"

"Return." I mumbled, Shunten-Satsu reformed in my hand.

The man leapt back with surprising agility. Gritting his teeth, he suddenly yelled, "just what has he done to you?"

I didn't answer, in truth I didn't know the answer he wanted. Deep in the recesses of my mind, the dull pressure became insistent. It was the Hollow part of me urging me on. _This man...was a threat_. _He would kill me if I didn't kill him_. I clasped my sword in both hands and charged straight for him. Seconds before my blade would've sliced through him, he side-stepped barely missing the wide angle of my swing. I turned my head to the left, already following his sudden movement and preparing my wrists for a second sweep when a blow connected with the back of my head.

Stunned, I didn't quite fall as my sight began blurring, "you-" his face wavered before my eyes, his fingers hooking into the bottom of a mask like a mummy's shriveled face and lifted it up, blue eyes searching mine for recognition.

"I'm sorry...you had to see that, Kosuke."

_He was_...Shunten-Satsu clattered to the ground.

"_A Vizard_." Kyo finished, peering out from the darkness.

-TBC

AN:) thanks for reading

No flames!

Reviews loved :)


	22. Chapter 22 The Vizards

"What's your name?" He asked.

I faced the rocky enclosure. The barrier stayed up between us. The large man kept it up with intermittent Kido chanting. I could feel my energy fuzzy at the edges yet sharp at my core. Somehow deep down I knew nothing could stop me from going at the man's throat if I put my mind to it.

In my head there wasn't anything.

"Talk!" He demanded with a snarky accent. I could hear his loafers scuff the ground as he paced outside the cage. "I have no name." I said more to stop the pacing, it made me nervous.

"What?" he drawled, "like you're incognito or something?"

_Nameless_. I thought of the Hollow inside me and looked down at my hands flaccid on my lap. "No...I don't remember it." Sakuya belonged to someone I didn't recognize anymore, someone I left behind in Hueco Mundo. I should've known he wouldn't be satisfied with it.

"Don't remember, huh? Well, I don't believe it." He crouched at the edge of the barrier, scowling at my motionless form. "There's no damn way in Hell your face could-"

"Shinji!" screeched a loud girl's voice. The owner hopped atop the boulder nearest my line of sight, flipping a thin scabbard forward, grasping it with both hands to reveal an inch of shining blade. "Jus' let me kill 'er already!"

"Stuuuupid!" he drawled, "I'm only letting her live until I see what side she's on! Can't do that if she's dead!"

"Don't you think I know that, dumbass!" A yellow sandal pinged off the top of the barrier causing the caster across the rocky plain to call, "hey, careful now!" Followed by an oomph as it connected dead center to the blond's forehead.

Minutes later, he got up again, rubbing at the footprint-like bruise. "What'd you do that for, Hiyori?"

"'Cause you're stupid!" she snapped, finally noticing me looking. In a single bound she had leapt off and was striding up toward the glassine bubble wall. "I don't like the looks of you, what'd you say your name was?"

Her attitude irritated me faintly. "I didn't."

"Oh ho! Look it has a mouth!" The girl called Hiyori jeered, leaning close to the barrier. The freckles sprinkled across her nose wrinkled as her mouth turned up into a sneer. "What else can you do other than talk, incognito?"

I thought a moment, remembering the times when I had been downtrodden from Ichimaru to _him._..I prayed that no emotion showed on my face. "Nothing much," my tone was light, "what can you _do_?"

"Whoa! Is that sarcasm I hear?"

"You tell me." I said, straight-faced. That got me an unexpected snort of laughter from Shinji and a scowl from Hiyori. She straightened, propping her hands on her narrow boyish hips clad in red capris. "Hachi! Let 'er out! I wanna see if she's worth anything!"

Shinji sucked his teeth, "don't do it, Hachi. She's just being stu-"

"Aw, shaddup!" Hiyori rounded on him, this time with sandal in hand, she swatted him thoroughly with it. My gaze slanted to the large man eying his squabbling friends. "Lisa, Kensei come over here." Two figures answered his call, one being a girl with a long dark braid and glasses wearing a sailor fuku and a tall muscular man with short ash gray hair perpetually scowling.

"What's up, Hachi?" the girl- Lisa asked, her gaze slanting from Hiyori struggling to beat Shinji down to me inside the barrier. "Is that the one Shinji found?"

"Yes. I'm going to lower the barrier-" Hiyori leapt away from Shinji, to atop a nearby boulder grinning madly. "Alright! Now you're talking!"

"-for only five minutes." Hachi warned, "and I would like for you two to stand guard."

"Ain't those Arrancar clothes?" Kensei jabbed a finger rudely to my torn dress and black stockings.

"They appear to be." Hachi assented, "however any questions pertaining to identity she claims to not remember who she is."

"I bet she'll remember nice and well once I beat it out of her," Hiyori said, grinning wickedly.

Shinji scowled at her but said nothing. I gazed down at the faux desert turf barely sensing the change in the atmosphere as the barrier fell. Then Hiyori's screech, "fight me! Fight me! Get up now!"

I didn't want to move even as she charged at me.

But, I did. Up and then back, as her sword lanced the ground where I had sat for the last five hours.

"Che!" Hiyori sucked her teeth and raced after me.

"Fight-"

I felt the ghosting whoosh of compressed air from her swing.

"You're going to die! Defend yourself!" she bit out, I evaded her wild swing. Hiyori's eyes flashed dangerously, suddenly gaining ground, she came from above, smacking me across the side. My easy flow broken, I tumbled through the air, flipping over onto my stomach into a crouch, reishii solidified under my palms and feet breaking my descent.

"Three minutes." Hachi reminded. Hiyori above me, smirked, swiping one hand across her face. "Heh. we'll see her last even _one_."

A mask formed over her face with a horn protruding from the center of the forehead.

_They're all Vizards_. I realized.

_"Doll. She's serious. It's either her or us."_ Kyo said quietly from within my consciousness. I couldn't see him anymore. _"Have you forgotten why you wanted to live?"_

I watched the shadow of the smaller girl descend over me.

"No..." I forced a smile. "I haven't." The air around my face rippled, familiar weight formed over my skin. I raised my head, Shunten-Satsu forming in my hand, my palm pressing to the length of gleaming jagged metal. Hiyori clashed down against me, the sound of our blades connecting ringing a sharp clangor in the fake atmosphere.

I applied slight pressure, shoving back lightly as Hiyori pulled away, breathing hard but seemingly pleased. "Not bad, incognito. Not bad at all. Even that mask is slightly more impressive then what I thought."

At her words I slanted my gaze down to the reflection in Shunten's blade. Black and red met my eyes. Concentric bands of red formed a bridge across gleaming black, the center bore slits exposing slivers of my skin running from the crown of my head to my chin and curves of bone extended from the mask into my hair and around the back of my skull.

I was a true monster now.

_Kyo's- no, my mask had changed. How- why?_ In the torpor of my thoughts I still felt Hiyori's reiatsu lance the ground with each step, raising my head I even saw each motion of her flash-step. In slow motion she appears to my eyes. So slow, I think, altering my stance, my hand barely pushed her in the chest (or so I thought) yet Hiyori somersaulted backward, slamming into the base of a boulder. Lisa and Kensei tense, loud whispers between them.

"What the hell-!"

"Did you see that?"

Hachi sweated but remained sitting, his look grave. Shinji stayed silent as well, his mouth a thin hard line. I wondered what he thought as he gazed upon me? Kyo prodded my mind, reminding me the battle with Hiyori was far from over.

Her blade stabbed the air above my midsection; I sidestepped with a sigh, as only the sound of tearing cloth could be heard. Hiyori snarled something; I could tell she was enraged.

"No way!" She screeched, "no _fucking_ way!"

_"Why don't you kill her? You can, you know."_ Kyo asked sounding faintly sarcastic.

- _Because I'm not evil_ - I responded in my thoughts. Hiyori sliced at me in several sweeping motions, I could see every movement she made and it occurred to me suddenly that it isn't that she was moving slowly- evading every lunge I swiped my palm out catching her slow sword until the skin of my hand bled. Hiyori attempted to wrench it away once her initial shock wore off in seconds.

"You-! Let go!" She bit out. Yet I didn't, gazing down at her horned mask of a face. "No," I said dispassionately. My hand clenched around the thin metal pulsating with the connection to Hiyori's power, I caught a glimpse of her fear in its aura, a taint of blue spreading around the darker red of her rage.

The blue was peaceful somehow.

I find I like causing it. My wrist twisted, similar to the action of turning a door knob. A cracking sound split the air. Hiyori screamed when her sword broke in half. But, she was ruled by excessive emotions, violence not the least. She reacted to the world around her by kicking and scratching, clawing at the humanity that was no longer hers. I understood it all as she thrust the broken point of her sword deep into my stomach.

"Six minutes altogether." Hachi reminded though I was sure no one was paying attention anymore.

"Is that all?" I questioned, feeling the resulting sting, the act of my cells multiplying, attempting to heal the torn tissues around the sword edge. Hiyori's lovely blue had decreased. I lifted my hand and pressed it to her face, feeling my facial muscles contract and the mask follow suit until I'm grinning like a corpse.

"I see _that_ was all. My turn." I said (almost happily) and add the minutest of pressures to Hiyori's face. Cracking sounds split the air again, the blue returned overwhelming the fiery red. Hiyori was scared, her whimpers showed it as they rose into a full-pitched shriek.

"Get offa me-get offa me!"

Her mask started to break beneath my palm, an even more delightful crack pinged beneath her skin. "Why?" I questioned as her hands left her sword and scrabbled futilely on my arm.

Metal gleamed.

Multiple swords left their scabbards.

Then there were three swords pointed at my throat.

Standing in a rough triangular formation, Lisa, Kensei and Shinji prepared to thrust their swords into my body.

I wondered how fast I'd heal.

"Do you see a monster?" I asked expressionlessly; Hiyori struggled but I didn't let go. There was something in me, something that didn't care anymore. It was a sadistic, vile thing. But, my lips wouldn't move. I couldn't deny that Hiyori's fear was the closest I'd felt to real pleasure, real emotion, in causing it. _Being the cause of it_.

Shinji stared hard at me for the longest time then sheathed his sword abruptly. "No...we're all monsters here." I knew he saw something in my mask, whether it's Kosuke or just me reflected in his light eyes, I don't know.

"Are you crazy?" Lisa demanded more vocal then Kensei's cold stare, not lifting her sword.

I released Hiyori at the same time. The small girl stumbled back, her mask breaking apart from her stunned face. "Will you let me go?" I asked not with any real hope. Once again like with Aizen I'm sure the Vizards won't let me be free.

"Where will you go?" Shinji shot back.

When I met his blue eyes, burning with anger and other emotions just beneath the surface, I wondered the same thing. Where in the world could I go anymore? Lisa and Kensei were distrustful of my silence, they watched me warily, gazing upon me with unfriendly eyes. Hiyori several feet away, rubbed at the bone structure of her face, making sure it was intact. I've discovered that by touch I can impart my regenerative properties whenever I choose, so I know she's fine.

"If you can't answer me, then do you want to die?"

I was almost taken aback by the force in his tone. His sword was in my face now, above the others.

"I will grant your wish-"

Slowly, I forced my head to shake from side to side. "N-No."

_"You must live, Sakuya!" Kosuke's voice whether a dream or from the nightmare_, kept me sane. "No," I said stronger, "I cannot die." _She died for me_. _How could I let her sacrifice be in vain?_

"Then, who do you live for?"

I couldn't do it for then he'd know who I was.

"Tell me!" Shinji barked; Lisa winced, "Shinji, what're you so-"

"Tell me now or you'll lose that life you want to keep so bad!"

/Ulquiorra's p.o.v\\\

"Why are you in such mourning, demon?"

The woman's voice was soft, hands covered my eyes. I could feel the cold chill of her presence against my back.

"Who are you?" I asked, never betraying my wish that it were a true facsimile of her and not a mocking shade of another, whom I addressed. I could bear Sakuya's scorn, her hate for I knew then that I would be engraved onto her heart forever. But, this thing, this phantom laughed coldly, resting hands devoid of warmth on my thin shoulders.

"Fool! Who do you think, other than a remnant of a soul you've eaten long ago!" Her anger blazed around the darkness. Though I felt no fear, I knew at once her name, the name of this specter that haunted me.

"Kosuke Ichimura." I pronounced flatly. This was the woman my master had...loved. Destroyed in anger and tormented what lived on in Sakuya. Perhaps there should've been something, some sensation other than loathing for the woman, in me. Yet there wasn't. I rose from the kneeling position I had maintained on the hard ground and turned to face her wrath.

Jade green eyes stared into mine from Sakuya's near mirror of a face.

"What, monster?" She spat.

"Why do you persist in these fruitless confrontations?" I hadn't a doubt that was what she wished. To destroy me. Her malevolent hate radiated outward like a sickness. "It was others," I began detachedly, "whom lead you to your ultimate demise. Lord Ai-"

"Aizen...Aizen with his obsession. With his jealousy of Shinji...but it's not too late. Sakuya's gone...but even still." Her hair had fallen forward like a curtain. A sliver of green shone from between the messy strands, "you're still here."

Her meaning was lost on me until her hand swiped out suddenly.

Until the energy gathered and pinioned me down.

Then, Kosuke came forward, passing through me- _most startlingly, in __**me**_. I strained as much as I could against the invisible binds, my wings lifted, twitching feebly, my insides recoiling against her poison invading my power center and then an image appeared in the center of the bleak world she had inhabited for so long. I raised my head and focused on it with bleary eyes.

It was my room.

Kosuke Ichimura slipped onto the floor, legs weak, body slippery and wet as if from birth.

She had expelled herself from my body.

She had been reborn.

-TBC

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